alien abduction


V.22 No.49 | 12/5/2013

news

The Daily Word in APD shootings, Krampus and the passing of an ugliest dog

The Daily Word

Actor Paul Walker died in a car crash.

A New York train derailment killed four.

A young man set himself on fire live on 4chan.

It’s beginning to feel a lot like Krampus.

Spiders are bringing sexy back.

Dad shares five years’ worth of sandwich bag art.

Rest in peace, ugliest dog of 2007.

Why are alien abductions so darn sexy?

Meet the 100mph bike.

There was another APD shooting yesterday.

Mayor Berry was sworn in for his second term.

Happy birthday Sarah Silverman.

V.21 No.3 | 1/19/2012

Celebrity b.s.

Hideous alien creature Fran Drescher thinks she was abducted by hideous alien creatures.

Honking celebrity gorgon Fran Drescher now makes claims of alien abduction. In screeching hag-like tones, she maintains aliens stuck a chip, possibly a Funyun, in her lotion-slimed hand. The alien chip programmed her to forever speak like a cartoon goose and marry her now gay ex-husband, fellow abductee Peter Marc Jacobson. Jacobson denies having an alien chip himself, even if it could explain why he married Fran Drescher. The aliens now insist Fran Drescher abducted them, though it’s not really a question of just wanting off the spaceship worse. Next time our Nanny gets abducted we can only hope she stays that way.