american football


V.26 No.3 | 01/19/2017

News

The Daily Word in the new fascism, Taos avalanches and homicidal psychopaths

The Daily Word

There is an avalanche warning in the Taos area.

Santa Fe art collective Meow Wolf is working on a gigantic new installation, "The House of Eternal Return".

As many as 1 in 4 men in the United States have HPV.

The Trump administration claims the Donald's tweet about millions of illegal aliens voting illegally in the recent election is based on "evidence".

This teenage girl self-identifies as a "homicidal psychopath".

The Trump administration has eliminated spanish language options on the White House website.

President Trump has sided with Big Oil by green lighting the controversial Dakota Pipeline.

When your new pair of Adidas shoes is worn out, they simply decompose when put in water.

V.20 No.52 | 12/29/2011
Alabama and LSU will sqaure off in the title game.

sports

Are you ready for some football?

Crunch time in NCAA, NFL

After Thanksgiving, football on both the pro and collegiate level heads toward the goal line.

NCAA games come to an end for many fans—especially in Albuquerque, especially these days—long before Christmas. The bowl season extends further than it has in the past, sure, but that's mainly due to the proliferation of the so-called bowl games. We start with the New Mexico Bowl, which Temple took over Wyoming on Dec. 17, and continue all the way to the BCS.

The title game occurs on Monday, Jan. 9, when No. 2 Alabama will face first-ranked LSU. Between now and then, plenty of pretenders to the bowl throne will battle, but few of them are worth the time it'll take to play, much less to watch. Of course, no disrespect is intended, as I'm sure Michigan State and Georgia, at No.’s 17 and 16, respectively, are great football teams, and their fans care very much who wins the game. But outside that constituency, its hard to muster feelings for the Outback Bowl, amongst others.

The day before the title game, in fact, is somehow, for some reason, occupied by Arkansas State versus Northern Illinois in the GoDaddy.com Bowl. Just for fun, although I'm sure it's been done before, let's look at some of these corporate sponsorships: Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl, Little Caesar's Bowl, TaxSlayer.com Gator Bowl! All of these games have been or will be televised nationally. Advertising really has changed the world.

The end of the college football bowl season dovetails nicely into the end of the NFL’s regular season, where things are really heating up. The titanic Green Bay Packers are obviously still a favorite, and the Philadelphia Eagles (preseason favorites who have been extensively covered) have now been officially dismissed from the playoffs. Perhaps another year to gel will help them live up to the lofty expectations.

While Green Bay has wrecked the regular season (save a blip two weeks ago), the New England Patriots have gone under the radar to resume their traditional position atop the AFC. Plenty of spoilers await a slip from either side, including the surprising stories of the San Francisco 49ers and the Houston Texans.

With only one more week in the regular season, plenty of teams are still itching to play spoiler. The biggest end-of-season matchup, however, seems guaranteed to be the Dallas Cowboys playing in New York against the Giants. The teams will play for the NFC East Championship in the last game of the regular season, on New Year's Day.

Football's finale is always the best, save the drama regarding the need for a true playoff system in college football. This year should be no different, whether you'll be watching the boys play in the BCS title game, or following the pros as they make the final cuts for the playoffs.

V.20 No.29 |

sports

NFL lockout is officially over

Despite grumbles, agreement is reached

On Monday morning, the good news started pouring in for fans of American football. The lockout which had threatened the country's (true, modern) pastime finally ended. The focus now turns to the actual start of the season, currently slated for September 8.

When the new NFL season begins, there will be a couple important differences, but most of them will be invisible. When it comes to the changes that both sides were pushing for, there was compromise instead of hard manifestation—at least to this point. The schedule will remain a 16-game affair —for now. Owners will be getting more money than they were previously. Practices will change, and there is already grumbling from those who are attached to the old schedule.

These differences, however, are inevitable when two sides are fighting for every inch. All told, in the process of negotiation, the NFL was officially locked out for more than 4 months, the longest lockout in NFL history. However, the good news is that no official games were lost to the labor dispute, save an exhibition game which had been scheduled for August 7. 

A great summary of the winners and losers of the draft has been written up at espn.com. In regards to that article, though, I'd defy anyone to go out and talk to a football fan. There is a reason that this was the top story on ESPN for the last three days, and why it continues to get mentioned on CNN. In times like these, when people are looking toward August 2 as a potential for the United States government defaulting on its debt, Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots, took the time to point out that if football can get a deal done, certainly the bureaucrats in Washington should be able to follow suit; especially when the matter is of such increased gravity. For those who prefer their sports without politics, there's a handy comparison, too: The NFL lockout being resolved in a timely fashion gives hope to the fans of the NBA, which is still engaged in a lockout of its own.

At the end of the day, though, despite lists of winners and losers and total amount of time lost to this lockout, the easiest proof is in the pudding. Next time you're out and about, ask a sports fan—whether it's at a bar, at work, or even just at a stoplight—"Hey, how do you feel that the NFL lockout is over?" Chances are, they'll gripe a bit. They'll mention how it was millionaires fighting with billionaires. And they'll say how ridiculous it was to have to slog through the news. But, at the end of that conversation, most people, as Americans who love football above all others, will smile and say, "Hey, I'm just glad it's back."

V.20 No.28 |

sports

Pressure Breaks U.S.

Japan wins World Cup

Team U.S.A. prided itself on succeeding with its back against the wall. It wanted the pressure. In the final match of the 2011 Women's World Cup, that pressure might have proven to be too much.

The U.S. played a better game at every single point of the game that mattered, until the part that mattered the most. Up by one in regulation and then again up by one in overtime, the Women's team twice let its lead evaporate and eventually headed to penalty kicks. The only other Women's World Cup that had gone to penalty kicks was the famous 1999 Brandi Chastain-imprinted win. When it came time to shoot down those echoes of the past, however, this team simply could no do it.

When the game started, it looked as though it was going to be a US-dominated affair. Lauren Cheney got things off on the right foot with a quick run up the left side within the first minute. Megan Rapinoe continued the US pressure with a killer cross to Cheney in the 8th minute and Carli Lloyd almost had a neat clean-up at the 11th minute. Cheney passed to Rapinoe for a fantastic straight-on shot only 20 seconds later. 

After an advantage call in the 28th minute, Abby Wambach had a shot bounce off the top of the crossbar, in a dramatic instance that would be repeated time and time again. Despite numerous chances, the United States did not seem as though they'd be able to capitalize. 

Things started to pick up for Japan when Shinobu Ohno got a good shot in the 30th  minute, but U.S. goalkeeper Hope Solo cut off that effort easily. In the 2011 Women's World Cup, three of Japan's 10 goals had previously come on set pieces. And at the 37th minute, despite being outplayed for virtually the entire first half, they got a corner kick where they might have had another one of those set piece goals. One minute later, Japan got a great service for Kozue Ando, but Solo came off her line quickly and successfully.

As the first half ended, the momentum appeared to have shifted, albeit slightly. The United States had more chances—all missed—but they couldn't capitalize at any point. They played so well for almost the entire half, but they could not come out ahead. It was at this point that the question of pressure had to be rising in many people's minds. 

To counter that doubt, coach Pia Sundhage started the second half by removing Cheney and putting in Alex Morgan, who almost put in a cross to the short corner a mere four minutes into the second half. After the referee incorrectly called an offside offense against Japan, Heather O'Reilly hit Wambach with a lift in the 64th minute that Wambach nearly headed just above the Japan keeper.

In the 68th minute, super-sub Morgan got an excellent feed from Rapinoe. Morgan took one touch on the ball and blasted a left-footed shot into the lower right hand corner to take the lid off the goal for the Americans.

In the 80th minute, though, Japan got an equalizer from Aya Miyama and put on non-stop pressure. With two more chances in the next minute for Japan, it seemed as though the U.S. was on its heels. Making it through the last ten minutes of the regulation game was its own blessing, though, and the World Cup Final went to overtime.

Team U.S.A. got overtime started in a similar fashion, with an on-target header from Wambach that was halted by Ayumi Kaihori. However, as the first half of the overtime period moved toward its conclusion, in the 103rd minute, Morgan sent a small cross sailing past the Japanese goal which Wambach redirected masterfully into the back of the net off a header. 

In the 111th minute, Team U.S.A. survived a scare, as Solo came off her line, missed the ball and then two defenders collided while attempting to clear the ball. But Japan could not convert. Shortly after, Rapinoe got subbed out in favor of Tobin Heath finishing the game with fresh legs. The threats were not over, however, for the United States, as Yukari Kinga broke toward the goal off a feed from Homare Sawa. Solo was hurt and remained on the ground, but captain Christine Rampone was there to clear the goal. Unfortunately, on the resulting corner kick in the 116th minute, Sawa put in the cross to knot things up 2-2. 

There would be no more points scored in the overtime period. And while Japan converted three of its first four penalty kicks, Team U.S.A. was only able to put in one of five, total. 

As the pressure finally cracked, nothing good came of it. There was no tremendous release, no dismissal of the specters of the past. There was a better finish for Team U.S.A. than in the previous two World Cups. That's the silver lining. But for the game they played, the way they executed, the near-perfect—minus goal-scoring—team effort, it's hard to focus on that silver lining. For a team that was aiming for a championship or bust, second place cannot be anything other than first loser.

V.20 No.27 |

sports

U.S. advances to World Cup final

They did it again.

After a mesmerizing win Sunday against Brazil in penalty kicks, the U.S. women's team pulled out a 3-1 win against France that had the U.S. side looking in peril in the second half of the game.

The match started with a U.S. goal by Lauren Cheney in the ninth minute off a beautiful cross from Heather O'Reilly. That was the first half's only goal.

The French came out the agressors to begin second half play, with Sonia Bompastor scoring from 30 yards out in the 55th minute.

It was at this point the the U.S. team began to falter. While they never trailed, they were constantly on their heels for the first 25 minutes or so of the second half.

But everything changed in the 79th minute. Abby Wambach, who scored the equalizer against Brazil that eventually sent the game into PK's, had another brilliant header to put the U.S. up 2-1.

A breakaway goal with ten minutes left by Alex Morgan only sealed the deal.

The U.S. will face the winner of Japan vs. Sweden on Sunday at noon, Mountain time. At the time of this post, that semifinal game was scoreless in the early stages.

V.20 No.17 |

you suck!

Nice Parking Job, Asshole!

Thanks to Patrick for sending me this one.

I'm sure you see plenty of asshole parking jobs, take a picture and email me

V.20 No.6 |

news

The Daily Word 2.12.11: Worse than yogurt; sheep are smarter than you think; inject the venom

The Daily Word

Those in power across the middle east continue to try and buy their citizens off

Bath Salts mimic the effects of cocaine and LSD. Really?

Speaking of wild drugs, who hasn't wanted to try snake venom?

After the venom, why not finally do this?

Cool slide show on mass movement of rural male Chinese to cities. Anyone who can give me a synonym for rural that starts w/ an M gets a kudo.

Fake Rahm Emanuel is even better than fake Andy Rooney on Twitter. If you start a week ago the feed reads kind of like Into The Wild w/ interns and baked beans.

Sunflower Market founder Michael Gilliland busted on suspicion of soliciting a minor for prostitution. Jeez.

Illinois ponzi scheme.

NY Post probably had the best cover depicting Mubarek resignation.

Sheep are smarter than.... smarter than you thought, anyway.

"Flowers wilt. Chocolates melt. Roaches are forever."

On this day in 1950, Einstein warned against the hydrogen bomb.

V.19 No.45 |

news

The Daily Word 11.15.10: Raisin Bran Day, paper airplane in space and Beverly D'Angelo

The Daily Word

Now China has the fastest computer.

Lights out at the Cowboys game.

The top words of 2010.

A one-way trip to Mars.

A paper airplane sent to space.

That's almost as amazing as the father and son who sent an iPhone into space.

It's National Raisin Bran Day. (Thanks to Masshole at DCF for the tip.)

A Chinese farmer had sex with an alien.

Have you tried the Facebook Super Log Off?

A firefighter spit on a cop.

A stabbing suspect is held on $1 million bond.

Happy birthday, Beverly D'Angelo.

V.19 No.7 |

The Corpus Christi Folk Singer

My friend from El Paso is having profound psychological
problems. They are certain her problems stem from post traumatic stress. She was severely abused by her violent dad who claims years of military duty made him aggressive.

She told me that her dad is now stationed at his final assignment... a nursing home in San Antonio. Next week I plan on visiting this nursing facility and telling a lie so I can enter his room. I should have no problem gaining access as long as I look clean-cut and wear a suit.

I shall cover his face with a pillow then burn his rib with
a cigarette lighter, but I'm not going to kill him. I'll whisper to him, "I know what you did and I'm coming back next week in a special disguise to dial up the pain."

As I exit his bed I’ll explain to him that a listening bug was planted in his room. Then I’ll shove a sign in his face that reads, "Don't tell ANYONE about ME of YOUR Penis and Tongue will be cut off “

Then I will calmly exit and then chit chat casually
with the nursing staff. I'll lie to them about my past, telling them how I used to work part time as a folk singer and part time at a similar nursing home in Corpus Christi.

They will think I'm nice but a little bit self -absorbed.

Stay tuned for Chapter 2 titled “ The Corpus Christi folk singer entertains the elderly"

My friend from El Paso is having profound psychological
problems. They are certain her problems stem from post traumatic stress. She was severely abused by her violent dad who claims years of military duty made him aggressive.

She told me that her dad is now stationed at his final assignment... a nursing home in San Antonio. Next week I plan on visiting this nursing facility and telling a lie so I can enter his room. I should have no problem gaining access as long as I look clean-cut and wear a suit.

I shall cover his face with a pillow then burn his rib with
a cigarette lighter, but I'm not going to kill him. I'll whisper to him, "I know what you did and I'm coming back next week in a special disguise to dial up the pain."

As I exit his bed I’ll explain to him that a listening bug was planted in his room. Then I’ll shove a sign in his face that reads, "Don't tell ANYONE about ME of YOUR Penis and Tongue will be cut off “

Then I will calmly exit and then chit chat casually
with the nursing staff. I'll lie to them about my past, telling them how I used to work part time as a folk singer and part time at a similar nursing home in Corpus Christi.

They will think I'm nice but a little bit self -absorbed.

Stay tuned for Chapter 2 titled “ The Corpus Christi folk singer entertains the elderly"

V.19 No.6 | 2/11/2010
Is it an acronym? Devil as Texan?

Who Dat Huh?

Commoners of America: What does “Who Dat?” mean? Who asks it? Is it a genuine question being asked of me, or is its rhetorical purpose to underscore and emphasize something? Why is this emblazoned everywhere, such as on the shirt of the Best Buy employee who assisted me in last night’s purchase of a washer and dryer? I just don’t have an answer prepared if someone asks me, and I hate to be caught unawares.

V.19 No.5 |

Saints Beat the Colts 31 to 17 in Superbowl XLIV

In case you didn't watch the game, the Colts pulled ahead early with a 10 point lead, but the Saints dominated in the Second Quarter and never stopped, leading with an on-side kick in the Second Half. The Colts made a push with less than two minutes left on the clock, but it was all over when they turned over possession without scoring.

News

The Daily Word 02.04.10: Brakes, Booze, Bill O'Reilly

The Daily Word

Computer in 2010 Prius has made the braking part of driving harder.

California Senator Duncan Hunter talked to NPR about why "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" should not be repealed. Good news: he sounds like a box of stupid.

NM Legislature: Proposed Senate Bill 132 would create an Hispanic Education Act targeted at closing the achievement gap between Anglo and Hispanic students. Is it necessary?

This is a dumb article that says people under 30 don't get Meryl Streep. Is this a real thing?

For Scots, who consume the most alcohol per person in the world, a caffeine-and-booze concoction is stirring up some trouble. Ah, my people.

Belen closed its schools yesterday because it was raining. Ah, my people.

This year, the New Orleans Saints are America's Team. Suck it, Cowboys.

The Great American Apparel Diet: A group of women agree not to buy any new clothes for a year.

This sculpture sold for $104.3 million, the most ever paid for a work of art. Which totally sounds reasonable.

Jon Stewart goes on Bill O'Reilly's show and is predictably awesome.

It's Alice Cooper's birthday.

V.18 No.51 |

News

The Daily Word 12.17.09: Pickup trucks, El Paso, flashers

The Daily Word

Sec. of State Clinton pledges that the U.S. will help raise $100 billion for climate aid fund.

Bengals' receiver (football player) dies after falling out of the back of a pickup truck.

Extra flu vaccines available.

How will state furloughs affect public defenders?

Incomes for college-educated workers are growing fastest in ... El Paso, TX. Downside? Living in El Paso, TX.

Drinking water may be legal and yet still dangerous.

Man exonerated, released from prison after 35 years.

Fighting to give birth the way you want.

A flasher is arrested after a driver, startled by the lady-flasher's breasts, hits her.

Texas school district cracks down on hipster wear.

It's Eugene Levy's birthday.