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V.23 No.4 |

news

The Daily Word in the Keystone XL pipeline, the Mac's birthday and catching a Goodfella

The Daily Word

Wow, the Mac is 30?

According to FBI, Vinny Asaro has been caught in connection with the Lufthansa heist.

The debate heats up over whether to end the life of a pregnant woman in Texas who has been declared brain dead.

Could the Keystone XL pipeline bring on a new frontier in our nation's environmental politics?

Synthia Varela-Casaus pleads not guilty after being accused of kicking her 9-year-old son to death.

A former employee of Redflex, a company that manufactures red light cameras, says they paid hefty bribes to score deals in several cities in the US, including cities in New Mexico.

This flu season sees more hospitalization rates than usual.

A man in Florida has been arrested after trying to perform an exorcism on his “demon” son and then violently resisting arrest.

V.21 No.39 | 9/27/2012
The bounty.
The bounty.

Food

Tricked!

When Marisa first offered me the job of Food Editor, lo those many weeks ago, I rubbed my hands together and chuckled evilly. “The power! The influence!” I thought to myself. “The free food!”

Yes, I could just picture it: Albuquerque’s restauranteurs quivering in fear at the clacking of my keyboard and sending nervous, obsequious emissaries to deliver piping hot gourmet meals to my desk every lunch time in the hope of avoiding my wrath. Oh, I would be so very corrupt, and so very well fed.

Finally, someone was trying to bribe me! With spooky treats! And tasty eats!

But Marisa, with her ridiculous “ethics” and nonsensical “sense of fair play” quickly disabused me of that idea. There would be no gifts, no bribery. I was, in fact, supposed to remain as anonymous as possible so that my reviews could be objective and based on the experience of the typical diner. I choked back a sob as my dreams of a graft-fattened future evaporated.

For one brief moment this morning, however, those crooked visions returned. I came in to my office, and there on my desk sat a box. A black box from McCormick & Co. with a photograph of day-glo colored cookies on it and the text “Spooky Treats. Tasty Eats,” written below. Finally, someone was trying to bribe me! With spooky treats! And tasty eats!

After a brief glance out into the hallway to make sure that Marisa and her damnable moral compass weren’t around, I cackled triumphantly and tore the package open.

And stared bewildered at what lay inside. There were no cookies. There were no spooky treats, nor tasty eats.

Instead, nestled in orange packing material were three boxes. Of food coloring. Let me repeat. Three boxes. Of food coloring.

I cried for an hour.

So, let me say to you, McCormick & Co., manufacturers of such fine products as McCormick Brand Vanilla Extract and McCormick Brand Fajita Seasoning: I may very well be susceptible to bribery, but this piss poor effort embarrasses us both.


Today's Events

James Whiton at Vernon’s Hidden Valley Steakhouse

James Whiton
Courtesy of artist

Redefining Happy at Hotel Andaluz

South Valley Christmas Craft Fair at Sisneros Insurance Agency

More Recommented Events ››
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