Things I see on my way to work:
(3) APD Cars, two going to the same destination, and quickly.
(1) Santa Fe Police Car, attracting disdainful looks.
(1) Back bumper of a Ford Mazda. Bumper sticker reads ‘If you can see this you’re too close’.
(1) Shattered brake light, presumably from the same car.
(1) Shattered headlight, presumably from the tailgating asshole.
(2) People dressed nicely, a man and a woman separately. Life has treated them well, they tell themselves as they scream into their cell phones.
(5) People dressed casually, half wait for the bus, the others walk. The ones with company don’t seem to mind as much the time of day and the bitter cold.
(3) People dressed in many layers of tattered clothing. One sleeps in a slouched position, one waits for the bus, and one walks seemingly aimlessly.
(3) Very large murals painted on the walls of city buildings. People from different cities would wonder how vandalists are able to create such intricate pieces without anyone stopping them.
(2) City buses, struggling to turn the tight corners of small downtown streets.
(4) Pieces of actual graffiti. Two are small tags with gang names and the others are aborted works of art not commissioned by the government.
(1) Puddle of indeterminable nature. It hasn’t rained in a week, and the puddle smells like a pit to hell.
If you live in Albuquerque, I assume you understand the struggle of trying to date here. Everyone knows each other (at least by extension), so it's difficult to meet new people unless you do something out of the ordinary. Let's be honest though; we're all relatively busy people and doing anything like that takes effort. Being New Mexican, we're all about that minimal effort (it is the Land of Mañana). So we want novelty but without actually doing anything. For me, that resulted in angst and disappointment.
When I was freshly single around a year ago after a serious relationship, I went on a lot of dates. Before that relationship, I hadn't dated very much, so I was basically brand new to the scene. Prior to the serious relationship, I dated people that I had met through my friends. I got over that pretty quickly because none of them could keep a single fuckin' thing private (I'm talking mainly about myself here, no judgement).
This time, I turned to online dating. While I can rant about that ad nauseam, my summary is that it was weird and kinda fun but was usually disappointing. The only true advantage I can think of is that it's useful to find other queer people. Alas, I only used it for fuck boys (wtf, past Megan, get your shit together). Fuck Boy culture is alive and well in Burque. A guy I was casually dating on and off for awhile would get mad at me whenever I would hint that I had been with other people, so one day I asked him if he had seen anyone else since we started dating. He avoided answering the question for a few minutes, but since I was so tired of his bullshit, I was persistent. Eventually he “answered” my question; he said he couldn't remember. We had been seeing each other for nine months at that point and he couldn't remember. This experience echoes through several other relationships I've had. One guy said “All other men are jealous of me because I steal their women.” Another wouldn't leave my home after I told him to leave for almost five hours. Someone else ordered me the strongest alcoholic drink after I said I wasn't going to have anymore drinks at the end of our date. And another told me that my sexuality was a trendy phase, I'd be over it soon and be back exclusively to real men like him. Asinine fuck boys are just after fulfilling their personal interests.
Dating in Albuquerque is bordering incestuousness. It's hard to find a new circle of people that are truly compatible for us, not only regarding romantic relationships but friendships too. That's why more often than not, we date our friends' friends, until we date everyone in the same social circle and then move on to the new group of people that you were introduced to by your former S/O.
For example, once I ran into one guy I was dating—let's call him Tom—when I was on a date with another guy. Other guy had literally just walked away to use the bathroom at Sister. This instigated one of my worst fears: being around all the people I'm dating or ever have dated, at the same time. I'd like to think it would go over well but my anxiety tells me that it will be disastrous. Will they talk about my weird laugh? What about how I don't understand computers therefore I'm stupid? Will they talk about how my boobs are lopsided? Will they discuss how I was a shitty partner? I have no idea and I never want to find out.
Tom went back to his friends shortly after he said hello, and again, the other guy literally came back as soon as Tom left. I grabbed him and ran away to Burt's. Later I found out that Tom and that guy had dated another lady before dating me around the same time. I have yet to meet/date her, but I'm sure I'll make my way eventually.
After all this, I feel it's important to share some (logical) dating tips for people to not completely suck at dating.
1. Be honest 100% of the time. Do you hate the way they pronounce theater? Tell your person. Do you think they could really benefit from researching cultural appropriation? Tell your person. Do they ever make you uncomfortable? Tell your person.
2. If someones expectations don't match yours, leave. It hurts more to be with someone who doesn't value you and respect what you need than it hurts to be alone. 3. Don't go to the same bars all the time or you'll run into people you are trying to avoid and forget.
3. Don't be a fuck boy. Ladies talk. We warn each other of creepy guys. Also, don't you want your reputation to be more than “Stay away from that guy who always wears weed socks, he only grinds when he dances and he will buy you drink after drink. As Liz Lemon would say: shut it down.”?
4. Use protection. Duh.
My final note: For those of you who don't even want to touch the dating scene, Self Serve is a wonderful store where you'll find many goodies for yourself. #treatyoself.
Your favorite cartoon about a metal band needs your help to end.
Indigenous Peoples Day became an official thing in Albuquerque.
The new season of American Horror Story is making headlines, be they good or bad.
A local woman claims to know of a bomb at Winrock last night.
Slime in apple juice makes some people exited about aliens.
Country-turned-pop singer Taylor Swift is facing very little piracy. Why aren't you stealing her stuff?
Gay people are allowed to do things in Indiana once more.
It costs more, but you'll pay it gladly. Netflix ups their price by one whole US dollar.
A Burque family is rescued by their wonderful dog.
It’s Wednesday November 26th and this rude ass storm is ruining Thanksgiving!
Meanwhile in Southern California, three six-year-old girls are cooler than we will ever be, and skateboard all the damn time.
In Pakistan, 20-year-old Aansoo Kohli teaches 150 children in a shed, isn’t paid for the job, and is finishing her Bachelors Degree,
And if you’re American and you're reading this from your tent outside Best Buy while you wait for a 99 cent TV, joke's on you! You’re doing it wrong!
A local “cafeteria angel” is paying off student lunch debts at elementary schools anonymously and depositing money into needy families' bank accounts, because apparently some people care about other people?
And while the rest of us are consuming questionable amounts of alcohol this “holiday” season and arguing with our racist in-laws, these dogs are all that really matter this Thanksgiving.
Americans can't do anything right. We can’t even dress ourselves! Which really pisses Kate Midleton off. C'mon, you guys! Get it together!
Merry happy Thanksgiving, or whatever. Don’t drink and drive.
Spring is in the air. Everything is coming up roses. Time for a new favorite ... bike path .... Nah, maybe it's just time to punch the mayor of 'Burque in the nose. Hopefully while accompanied by the chick with 'Burque's best tattoo. After ogling Duke City's best bar staff. Or the city's best mural. Whoever you vote for will forgive you. Or laud you. Since you already left the best casino, y'all take note when you bring your car to your fave mechanic and gab about Albuquerque's best TV personality. Don't misinterpret that, we're talking about television. You open-minded, best adult-shopping, filthy-minded folk.
Albuqurque residents want to express their opinion. This is the time. This is the place. Weekly Alibi's Best of Burque is registering your thoughts. Your opinions. Your needlessly biased self-esteem and ego-centric positions on the what-not and the that thing-a-ma-jig that is SO 'Burque. Mmm, sexy.... What is the best vintage apparel store?
A better question is who is the "best street artist"? When you're driving the kids to school, who is the "best local radio personality"? Remember that billboard on northbound I-25 advertising the psychic? No? Weekly Alibi is fairly sure you have psychic friends anyway, so vote already, citizens!
“Who thought of this idea? Like, ‘Hey man, I’m gonna buy a bus, make it awesome and then sell crepes from it.’ I mean, thank God they did cause this is delicious. ...”
That was a quote from a neighboring customer, and my taste buds surely agree.
Food trucks are not a new phenomenon. They’ve been driven around cities for decades. I even grew up frequenting a taco truck on the way home from soccer practice. It was quick, easy, cheap and, above all, delicious. However, the difference between the taco truck parked in the dirt lot by I-25 and what I experienced this past week are worlds apart.
It began in Los Angeles, as Kogi Korean BBQ trucks weaved their way into the hearts of Californians through tantalizing cuisine. With instantaneous tweets updating the location of their fleet of tasty grub, I’m pretty sure this contributed to the population compulsively checking their smart phones. The whole city was glued to their mobile devices, in pursuit of that damn Kogi truck. I like to imagine a bug-eyed crowd, clutching their growling stomachs while making a rapid zombie crawl into parking lots to find the infamous truck. Needless to say, food trucks were making a gourmet comeback.
The trend soon made its way across the nation and cultures: Belgian waffles in New York City, lobster rolls in Harvard Square, crème brûlée in San Francisco and cupcakes in Philly. You can pretty much get any type of food you could ever want from a mobile kitchen. Yet, unbeknownst to many Burqueños, we too have our own collection of motorized restaurants.
Every Wednesday in the Talin Market parking lot, an array of eclectic vehicles serve up delicious nosh. In the mood for some comfort food? Head on over the The Supper Truck for some good ol’ shrimp and grits or maybe some catfish tacos. What about pierogies? The Gedunk Food Truck can sate that craving in a savory second. Needless to say, Albuquerque is not lacking in diversity. This makes choosing what to eat so much more difficult, but that’s not a problem I’m too upset about having.
The variety and temptation of the trucks did have me wandering around the parking lot for a good 15 minutes, unsure of what delectable dish I was going to have during my lunch break. I finally settled on The Boiler Monkey. This refurbished bus caught my eye with one simple word: crêpe. Whether you want sweet—think Nutella with banana, cinnamon with baked apples—or savory—maybe the Burque Turkey interests you—there will be a crêpe specifically created to suit your tastes. As much of a sweet freak as I am, I opted for savory and went with The Farm. Complete with spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes and feta, and topped with a balsamic reduction sauce, I was in taste bud heaven.
I reveal some embarrassing memories, wax (sort of) poetic about the New Mexico music scene and use way too many proper nouns in my intro column, Dancing About Pueblo Revival Style Architecture. I’m a noise fan, so send me your feedback.
In this week’s music feature, Marisa Demarco tells the story of a local indie rock quintet, Sad Baby Wolf, and how three of its funny, unpretentious members make the rock and roll lifestyle mesh with fatherhood. The Sad Baby Wolves also explain the origin of their name, the evolution of their lineup and, yes, two of the members’ relationships with The Shins. Read all about it here and see them open for the aforementioned famous band at Kiva Auditorium tonight.
Opening for The Shins
Thursday, Oct. 4, at 7:30 p.m.
Inside the Convention Center
401 Second Street NW
Tickets: $33 to $43