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We hereby postpone this striptease act to give you a Christina Aguilera concert

The best way to break it down is like this: If you’re going to see Burlesque for the burlesque, you’re in for a major disappointment. If you’re just going to see it for Cher and Christina Aguilera belting out the tunes, then you’re in marginally better shape. Despite the art form’s alterna-chic revival, average American citizens have no freaking idea what burlesque is anyway. As a result, most viewers will be in the second filmgoing category. To them, I say: The soundtrack is available for download on iTunes and OPI has a new Burlesque nail polish collection. Enjoy the show!