I’m in the pet department of a store with my backpack. I’m trying to avoid one of the employees an isle over while acting inconspicuous. I head to the isle he is in and looking over a low palette of fish tanks I no longer see him. Looking around, I can see out of the corner of my eye that he has gone down an adjoining isle and is now behind me. I take note of a four legged fish, approximately the size of a monitor lizard with a combined shape of a lizard, fish and small dog. It’s striped like a zebra and has brightly colored fringe around it’s gills, running from the top of its head down its back, and on its elbows and the back of its knees. I continue to try to remain inconspicuous as I leave the area into the rest of the store. Outside I’m with a group of friends who are trying to buy some weed. It turns out to be a police sting. I know I don’t have anything on me so I’m not particularly worried, but I duck behind a car just to double check that I haven’t inadvertently left something in my backpack. Going through it I find a crown royal bag that has a small container about the size of lip balm in it. Just as I discover it I realize the cops have taken notice of me and ditch it just in case. One of them goes through my backpack and pulls out my check book. In the check book I’ve written in chalk some notes about buying from Corsair and the price. He takes this to be information of a drug deal despite my attempts to explain that Corsair is a brand of RAM. The guy is being a huge dick. I begin to argue with him and mouth off “Fuck you, I’ll see you in court.” I make a joke to my friend, L, who's a really big dude, about how maybe we should just kick their asses and get out of there. The joke is particularly funny because the cop dealing with him is about twice L's size. The cop is black and his teeth are small and widely spaced, like a puppy's. The big cop says “huh?” so I ask him if it’s okay for me to be extremely candid before I tell him the joke.
Dahling, your neighborhood is just sooooo charming.
#TrumpUniversityMascot is the best hashtag game ever.
The food industry doesn't want you to know which products are genetically modified. Gross.
Also gross: a video of molten copper being poured over a Big Mac ... to no effect.
Ready for the real life Jurassic Park? Scientists have discovered a fossilized pregnant T Rex!
N.M. has a serious opiate abuse problem so the government has awarded the state $1.7 million for health centers and treatment providers.
Divers in Indonesia found endangered animals trapped in underwater cages.
The Ferguson City Council has unanimously agreed to a DOJ overhaul on its police force and municipal court system.
Mother Teresa may be coming up on sainthood but she was no saint.
Something royal this way comes ...
Police have identified one of three murder victims in East Cleveland, and they've charged 35-year-old Michael Madison with three counts of aggravated murder.
German roller-coaster manufacturer is sending experts to Arlington, Texas to investigate the death of a victim who died while riding the Texas Giant over the weekend.
Mohammed Morsi, recently ousted president of Egypt, has gone missing, and family claims he was "abducted by army."
Police are investigating the drowning of 19-year-old Matthew Mares in Los Lunas that happened over the weekend.
APD to testify today in court in a wrongful death lawsuit in relation to the shooting of 27-year-old Christopher Torres in 2011.
Carlsbad farmers could possibly receive less than half the water allotted to them from a network of wells that pump groundwater into the Pecos river.
In a nutshell: If you fake cancer and take $9,000 in donations from your community, then you're probably gonna go to jail.
BP Lawyer cites "irreparable injustices" in how settlement payments are being handled.
Officials probe why a jet that crash landed in San Francisco was flying too slow before it hit the runway.
Authorities search for 40 missing people after a train blast in Quebec town that killed five.
Michael Allen speaks out in speculation over whether Albuquerque police could have spared his brother, Vincent Wood, who was shot multiple times on Friday night.
Albuquerque remembers Austin Hudson-LaPore.
Google Doodle and Roswell? Oh, we're there!
City planners want to make Central a little snazzier! Neon signs anyone?
First the Food Network and now Smithfield! You're making some enemies, Paula!
Affirmative action takes the backseat ...
Berlusconi gets seven years, but will it stick? No pun intended.
Colorado court rules in favor of a transgendered girl who was denied access to the girls' bathroom.
Phillip Garcia found guilty of kidnapping.
Have some mental health providers been mishandling funds? Tsk Tsk Tsk ...
When did they start letting people in Aransas Pass have monkeys? Should I move back to Texas?
It was an overcast winter day when Mexican President Felipe Calderón stood at the main international crossing in Ciudad Juárez and unveiled a massive sign aimed at the U.S. side of the border. It made for a dramatic photo opportunity. A white sheet billowed behind billboard-sized letters fashioned from the twisted remains of guns that Calderón said were confiscated by law enforcement. They spelled out the words “No More Weapons.”
Passing the metro courthouse on my way to work this morning it was hard not to notice a dude, obviously heading for the courthouse, wearing the shirt pictured on the right. His had a cross on it, but otherwise the shirt was identical.
Was his message -obviously intended for whichever judge would be dealing with him- aligned with that of Lil' Wayne, whose lyrics to "Nightmares From the Bottom" include the line "Only God can judge me, I don't need a jury" and therefore a kind of anarcho-christian "fuck you" to America's legal system? Or was this court-appearance apparel an existential comment on the meaninglessness of earthly actions (and consequences) more along the lines of Tupac's "Only God Can Judge Me," which gained more meaning with the death of the song's lyricist?
Either way I bet the judge sees one of these shirts every bloody day.