If you live in Albuquerque, I assume you understand the struggle of trying to date here. Everyone knows each other (at least by extension), so it's difficult to meet new people unless you do something out of the ordinary. Let's be honest though; we're all relatively busy people and doing anything like that takes effort. Being New Mexican, we're all about that minimal effort (it is the Land of Mañana). So we want novelty but without actually doing anything. For me, that resulted in angst and disappointment.
When I was freshly single around a year ago after a serious relationship, I went on a lot of dates. Before that relationship, I hadn't dated very much, so I was basically brand new to the scene. Prior to the serious relationship, I dated people that I had met through my friends. I got over that pretty quickly because none of them could keep a single fuckin' thing private (I'm talking mainly about myself here, no judgement).
This time, I turned to online dating. While I can rant about that ad nauseam, my summary is that it was weird and kinda fun but was usually disappointing. The only true advantage I can think of is that it's useful to find other queer people. Alas, I only used it for fuck boys (wtf, past Megan, get your shit together). Fuck Boy culture is alive and well in Burque. A guy I was casually dating on and off for awhile would get mad at me whenever I would hint that I had been with other people, so one day I asked him if he had seen anyone else since we started dating. He avoided answering the question for a few minutes, but since I was so tired of his bullshit, I was persistent. Eventually he “answered” my question; he said he couldn't remember. We had been seeing each other for nine months at that point and he couldn't remember. This experience echoes through several other relationships I've had. One guy said “All other men are jealous of me because I steal their women.” Another wouldn't leave my home after I told him to leave for almost five hours. Someone else ordered me the strongest alcoholic drink after I said I wasn't going to have anymore drinks at the end of our date. And another told me that my sexuality was a trendy phase, I'd be over it soon and be back exclusively to real men like him. Asinine fuck boys are just after fulfilling their personal interests.
Dating in Albuquerque is bordering incestuousness. It's hard to find a new circle of people that are truly compatible for us, not only regarding romantic relationships but friendships too. That's why more often than not, we date our friends' friends, until we date everyone in the same social circle and then move on to the new group of people that you were introduced to by your former S/O.
For example, once I ran into one guy I was dating—let's call him Tom—when I was on a date with another guy. Other guy had literally just walked away to use the bathroom at Sister. This instigated one of my worst fears: being around all the people I'm dating or ever have dated, at the same time. I'd like to think it would go over well but my anxiety tells me that it will be disastrous. Will they talk about my weird laugh? What about how I don't understand computers therefore I'm stupid? Will they talk about how my boobs are lopsided? Will they discuss how I was a shitty partner? I have no idea and I never want to find out.
Tom went back to his friends shortly after he said hello, and again, the other guy literally came back as soon as Tom left. I grabbed him and ran away to Burt's. Later I found out that Tom and that guy had dated another lady before dating me around the same time. I have yet to meet/date her, but I'm sure I'll make my way eventually.
After all this, I feel it's important to share some (logical) dating tips for people to not completely suck at dating.
1. Be honest 100% of the time. Do you hate the way they pronounce theater? Tell your person. Do you think they could really benefit from researching cultural appropriation? Tell your person. Do they ever make you uncomfortable? Tell your person.
2. If someones expectations don't match yours, leave. It hurts more to be with someone who doesn't value you and respect what you need than it hurts to be alone. 3. Don't go to the same bars all the time or you'll run into people you are trying to avoid and forget.
3. Don't be a fuck boy. Ladies talk. We warn each other of creepy guys. Also, don't you want your reputation to be more than “Stay away from that guy who always wears weed socks, he only grinds when he dances and he will buy you drink after drink. As Liz Lemon would say: shut it down.”?
4. Use protection. Duh.
My final note: For those of you who don't even want to touch the dating scene, Self Serve is a wonderful store where you'll find many goodies for yourself. #treatyoself.
What kind of person mashes up a Japanese dating sim and dinosaurs? A crazy person, obviously. But that shouldn't stop you from checking out Jurassic Heart, a ridiculous, thunder lizard-themed game that has you trying to pick up on high-school-aged dinos. Of course, being a Japanese dating sim, it’s wordy as hell. But this short taste of the genre is good for a chuckle.
Some people won't let this sculpture in Tempe be.
Ted Nugent takes more dying boys and girls on last fishing trips than anyone else.
Albuquerque Public Access Television meeting this Monday May seventh at City Hall.
The New York Times was able to claim a staggering 73 percent increase in circulation since last March. Here's the why.
Here's a Gretsch guitar catalogue from 1961.
Arizona Governor signs bill that would cut off any funding to Planned Parenthood and other health providers who perform abortions.
One can't expect the Olympics in London to go on without a Falkland Islands flap.
Fifty hottest female inmates, the webpage.
On this day in 1943 Michael Palin was born.
A few years back former arts editor Erin Adair Hodges and I played a game of long-dead presidents Do, Date or Dump. Happy Presidents’ Day!
(Un)-Occupy Albuquerque will be protesting in Santa Fe next week.
What happens to stuff dropped off at Santa Fe recycling stations?
It is Robert Anton Wilson week!
Here is a different way of evaluating NFL teams and games.
"If you need a brassiere, wear one" and other dating tips for women circa 1938.
Too fat to fit in the CT-scanner? Try the one at the zoo.
Court finds state violated Bigfoot's right to free speech.
According to this new set of stats at OkCupid's blog, iPhone owners are a bit more likely to have sex than folks with Blackberries, and get nearly twice as lucky as those poor suckers with Androids. I guess fiddling around with that sweet interface cuts down on the ol' eye contact.
But it's definitely not the camera on the iPhone that makes people think you're hot. The post also reports on which cameras make people look the most attractive, and the iPhone rates as barely passable. The Android is considerably worse at bringing out your good side, but at least it's not as bad as the Blackberry, which I can testify to having a truly miserable camera. So, how can you look your absolute best? The highest rated pics in the survey all came from the Panasonic Lumix GF1C-K dSLR - it'll only set you back about $800. But hey, who can put a price on beauty?
You're filling out the form at your favorite online dating site, and you get to the bits where, well, you feel like you fall a little short. Do you a) just say "what the hell" and go 100% honest, or b) give your vitals a wee bump? Online dating site OkCupid has compared the user data it gets to demographic data and finds that you (and most others) go for the bump. And why not? According to the stats, the difference between $40k and $60k a year, or 5' 6" and 5' 8" can be measured in a greater frequency of messages, better chances to meet people, and, one would hope, more sex. Check out the full post for juicy tidbits on the other sweet little lies we tell (at least the ones that can be summoned from piles of metadata and statistics).
I have generally tried to live by one rule when it comes to Valentine’s Day: no dating near the event, whenever possible! It’s too much pressure; and on that note, I generally try to avoid dating from November 20 through February 15, just to avoid the pressure of the holidays and a relationship. This way there are no disappointments, and my pocketbook stays dedicated to family and dear friends.
If you have been dating for six months or more prior to, then you are absolutely obligated to get your significant other something to commemorate the day we dedicate to loving one another. If you are married, well you should probably be at a jewelry store, because you have probably exhausted all the cute things you can find at stores like Walmart, to give your spouse. The pressure is insurmountable. We are surrounded by it, almost immediately after the first day of the new year, we are thrown right into Valentine’s Day. What bothers me about this holiday, is simply that it exists at all. I am not some jaded female that has had had too many bad relationships, and has thus sworn off this emotionally crippling holiday… wait a minute, I am. No, but seriously, the reason I don’t like Valentine’s Day and what it stands for, is because I truly believe that we could be loving every day. Loving without the red plastic buckets, candy hearts with clever sayings and expressions of amour, and small card stock valentines we share with our friends. Loving, simply, for the sake of loving. It’s interesting that red is the color of love on this holiday, and also the color my professors use on my school papers. I don’t think they are expressing their love to me with this red pen, but who knows? I would like to think that we can tell the people we love, that we love them, every day; not just on February 14.
Stay Tuned for Part III
He/she would be what and why?
Wait, wait, don't tell me. Something hot and spicy—green chile chicken enchiladas, perhaps, or, in far fewer cases, a tostada compuesta. (Furrows brow, scratches head, takes bite of sexy menudo, puzzles over six years of Albuquerque the Magazine asking "hot singles" to compare an imagined ideal lover to our regional foodstuffs. Sighs.)