I walked down a long, white, carpeted hallway away from the olympic-sized swimming pool. As I passed the last window with a view of the pool room, I thought back to a few minutes earlier. I had just seen my friend Dylan, he told me he was living in the pool. I wasn't surprised, he basically lived in the pool in high school (he was on the swim team). Before you know it, I thought, he'll be growing fins.
Now I was on my way to visit my new neighbors. I had just moved to this rec-
Their apartment walls were white like the hallways. Though it was windowless, the room was bright because of their supplied décor. The interior was vibrant and bright. Upon entering, their very large and eager dog bounded over and inspected me to check if I was the type of person who pets dogs. I looked down and pet its smooth head.
Its body was made of black, overstuffed pillows with string tassels stacked one on top of the other. The head was one square, medium sized pillow, the body three large, rounded pillows, and each leg a dozen tiny, rounded pillows and so on. Its beady eyes looked me over and its pink tongue slipped out as it began to pant.
I followed my neighbor as he slowly brought me to the living room. I sat down on some bright, comfortable cushions and the dog laid down next to me, resting its head on my lap. The female counterpart brought me tea and asked if I thought I would be able to care for the dog while they go away on vacation soon.
I said yes and continued to chat with them. Eventually they left for their vacation and I remained, happily petting the pillow pup.
I wake up.
Step one to dealing with a smart phone when you have ADHD: Turn your notifications off.
“I like him!” Paul Ryan says smiling while submerging himself in a tank of bleach.
Um, Loretta Lynch for president, PLEASE!
These pups can bring world peace.
What is the most watched television show in New Mexico? Have you ever heard of it?
Instead of stopping our use of fossil fuels, let's give cows oregano to combat global warming.
For-Profit schools are watching this closely (unless they're swimming in a pool of money).
Police are on the lookout for a man who may be connected to a double homicide that happened on Tuesday.
The horrible nitwit George Zimmerman tried to auction off the gun he used to murder Trayvon Martin.
Ahoy! The famous Lord Sandwich, lost in the 18th century, is found!
A new world record for the 100 meter dash is set. By a 100 year old woman. Best way to celebrate? Push-ups. This lady is not to be messed with.
We all know that Beyonce's a badass but she isn't the only VIP in her new album. Her music video is comprised of an impressive and talented group of artists.
This little anteater did not just smoke a bowl. Leave him alone.
A significant percentage of antibiotics prescribed in the U.S. are given to patients who—get this—don't have bacterial infections. Drugs are great, but only when they actually work. Continuing to misuse such a powerful resource is resulting in a scary high amount of drug-resistant bugs.
In two years time Mars will say hello to an unmanned spacecraft called Dragon. The first step to Mr. Musk's ambitious goal of colonizing the planet? Only time will tell.
Mutation gene found in Labrador retrievers reveals that they are more inclined to crave food than other breeds.
Despite what Alanis Morissette tries to tell you, “rain on your wedding day” does not constitute irony. It also doesn't have to be a bad thing in the first place.
My dog Igloo and I launch into space from the front pasture at my parents' house. It's nighttime, and the sky is a dark blue with the lights of the Milky Way dotted across the expanse. Actually, it's less of a launch and more of a jump. After we pass the atmosphere, I can't tell how much progress we're making because there's barely a breeze. It's black around us scattered with distant stars, but I still see the glow of the Earth creeping up from behind us.
I look at Igloo and pet his head. I look down at the Earth—round and innocent—and it's slowly drifting away. I notice a red string tied to my ankle and his ankle that go all the way back down to somewhere on the surface of our planet. I look up toward Mars, far in the distance, and then back to Iggy. He rolls over so I can rub his belly while we travel.
I wake up.
So a cop got basically no punishment for following an unarmed man and shooting him dead.
Could this simple solution really help end sexual assault on American campuses?
Bernie Bros come in all sizes and varieties. Fantastic.
Animals don't give a fuck about you and your nonsense.
In a survey of over 1,000 people, researchers were able to confirm something everyone already knew. What a good way to spend time and money.
Have you ever been so infatuated with someone that you didn't notice a crime happening right in front of you?
“I’m 28. I make $4 million a year. What do you do?” yells the man-child douche-bag, David Brackett.
Some horrible young men in town have been caught exploiting teen girls.
Today is Back to the Future day, but no one is in a hovercraft.
A road rage incident has the city in shock. There is now new information on the suspect.
A realistic portrayal of what Trump would do with his first 100 days in office.
Jaden Smith plans to disappear. Please don't leave us, you are an irreplaceable voice of insight in the blind modern day Hollywood.
Joe Biden isn't running for president, and lots of people are surprised.
Listen to Smooth Criminal played on traditional Japanese instruments.
Barclays plans to build Santolina: an entirely new city just outside Albuquerque.
40,000 bees were found under this woman’s bedroom floor.
Italy warns consumers of a Prosecco shortage.
A salmonella outbreak in the US linked to sushi tuna has sickened more thank 50 people.
An adult dating site was hacked, publicly revealing its users’ kinky turn-ons.
Here’s a glimpse into the life of a sumo wrestler.
These portly cats and dogs are participating in a pet slimming contest.
It's Friday and I'm kind of crabby and kind of excited for the lunch I packed. News is kind of good and kind of horribly depressing.
Live your life!
The military typically discharges transgender troops on medical grounds.
High five to Lovelace Westside Hospital for making their emergency room more comfortable for seniors. The new rooms feature softer lighting, clocks and signs that are easier to read.
A judge was all like “Bye, Felicia”and removed District Attorney Kari Brandenburg from the murder prosecution of two Albuquerque police officers who are accused of killing James Boyd. The judge stated a “conflict of interest.”
A man in Brazil posted an unexpectedly funny and poignant Facebook post and the internet REALLY liked it.
In case you're kinda dumb, here is a page explaining what a dog is.