V.23 No.7 | 2/13/2014
Rowdy’s Dream Blog #334: An Automotive Obstacle Course
I am trying to leave town in my truck. People have placed two garbage cans as obstacles in the road and have dug a series of holes as part of a contest. I swerve and spin to avoid them but finally must come to a stop. It is impossible to get out of town. Everyone has gone mad, making their own barrier contests.
V.22 No.33 | 8/15/2013
Dirt City Driving for Neophytes
Alibi circulation manager drops native motoring knowledge
Geoffrey Plant is your instructor, and this is everything you always wanted to know about booting, DWI and parking tickets, but were afraid to ask.
V.21 No.50 | 12/13/2012
Rowdy’s Dream Blog #275: Volcano Eruption Report
I am driving with G on a one-lane, elevated, on-ramp type road, surrounded by other similar structures. G points out that I have blown through the light on Montgomery a second time. I tell her I didn't see it. Little colored balls fall into the folds of my jacket. I see some nurses sliding out of an escape chute from a three-story brick building. This is because of the volcano eruption report. We find my friend, D, and I ask him, "What's the word on the STREET?"
V.20 No.27 |
Road Trip Calorie Counter
Omaha to Albuquerque Edition
9:00 am Leave Omaha, NE
10:00 am 100 Calorie Bag Blue Diamond Almonds 100 calories
10:30 am 5 Nilla Wafers 88 calories
1:15 pm McDonald's in Ogallala, NE
2:00 pm Zagnut bar 220 calories
6:00 pm Pueblo, Co. Cracker Barrel
8:15 pm 3 Original Bulls-eyes candies 130 calories
10:30 pm Giant Chunky bar 570 calories
12:15 am Arrive in Albuquerque, NM
V.20 No.26 |
Albuquerque to Omaha Edition
5:30 pm Leave Albuquerque, NM
6:40 pm 1 carrot 52 calories
9:20 pm Arby's in Raton, NM
10:30 pm 5 Nilla Wafers 88 calories
11:00 pm Heath Bar 210 calories
Between 11:30 pm and 4:30 am
8:15 am McDonald's in Aurora, NE
10:30 am Arrive in Omaha, NE
V.20 No.21 |
Austin to Albuquerque edition
9:10 am Leave Austin, TX
9:30 am: McDonalds drive thru:
10:45 am: 2 servings Wheat Thins 290 calories
noon: 1 Nutty Buddie 310 calories
1:30 pm: Fort Sheridan, TX, eat lunch at K-Bob's Steakhouse
3:45 pm: 1/2 box Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits 600 calories
6:00 pm 1 single serve packet of Pringles 160 calories
8:45 pm 1/2 Oh Henry! bar 115 calories
10:05 pm arrive in Albuquerque, NM
V.19 No.32 |
humor, driving, crazy
Rules for Albuquerque Driving
sorry, Chuck Palahniuk
I wrote Rules for Driving in Albuquerque back in college while I was taking a public speaking class. My topic was “SUV’s and Why I Hate Them,” and the list wasn’t part of the assignment, but an afterthought. I lost a few years in there, so no original copy exists, but my commute daily from Belen to Albuquerque brings the list to mind.
From the best of my recollection this is the list (with apologies to Chuck Palahniuk):
The first rule of Albuquerque driving is you do not use turn signals.
The second rule of Albuquerque driving is you DO NOT USE TURN SIGNALS.
The third rule of Albuquerque driving is if you must use turn signals, use them incorrectly. For example, signal left, make hard right.
The fourth rule of Albuquerque driving is stop signs are optional.
The fifth rule of Albuquerque driving is never drive the speed limit. Drive maddeningly slow or dangerously fast. The middle shall not hold.
The sixth rule of Albuquerque driving is maintain a length of one quarter of a car length behind me on the freeway. What, are you reading my bumper sticker?!
The seventh rule of Albuquerque driving is green means go, yellow means go faster, red lights means stop but only after seven seconds.
The eighth rule of Albuquerque driving is why get a license plate when you can have a temporary tag forever. Trust me, temporary tags are very cool. I don’t understand why this last one hasn’t taken hold up in the northeast whites.
Please, drive safely. Be nice.
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