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V.24 No.27 | 7/2/2015
News Monkey

Crib Notes

Crib Notes: July 2, 2015

By August March
Excerpts from Appendix B (Tales of Years 2011-2024) of the third book (Return of the First R) in the epic fantasy series Alburquerque News (Burrrque Press hardback collectors edition)
V.24 No.17 | 4/23/2015

news

The Daily Word in methane mystery, machete murder and Mary Jane

By Constance Moss [ Mon Apr 20 2015 11:30 AM ]
The Daily Word

In the Four Corners area, researchers are attempting to locate the mysterious source of a methane "hot spot."

A museum commemorating the figure skating scandal of the 1990s involving Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding has been built by a couple in Brooklyn in their apartment.

The Red Rocker ordered a new car in 2014. The cost: $1.4 Million. He's still waiting for it to be delivered.

In Spain, a substitute teacher was killed and four others wounded after a 13-year-old brought a machete and cross bow to school.

In local news, a driver drove his vehicle through a parking lot, a brick wall, and through the living room of two residents in the Loma Del Norte 'hood. He is under investigation for possible DWI.

Norway is expected to be the first country to do away with FM radio.

A 120-pound woman broke the steak-eating record this weekend.

Dude! It's 420! Don't Bogart that doobie!

Say, man. Gotta joint?

V.24 No.12 | 3/19/2015

Crib Notes

Crib Notes: March 19, 2015

By August March
What do you know about last week’s 505 news? Take the Alibi pop quiz to find out.
V.23 No.31 |

news

The Daily Word in Albuquerque, Burque and the Duke City

By August March [ Thu Jul 31 2014 11:45 AM ]
The Daily Word

In recent, local developments:

Allegedly, a very drunk couple took a stroll with their children and a marijuana pipe. They were arrested.

A naked intruder was allegedly found sleeping in someone else’s bed. He was arrested.

According to APD, a woman pulled a gun on a Comcast technician. She was arrested.

APD is getting rid of its Mine Resistant Ambush Protected armored vehicle.

The School of Rock will be housed in downtown Burque.

The Sunport was at the center of a copper theft ring.

Developers are planning to build a hotel modeled after the ruins at Chaco Canyon.

Someone left the sprinklers running in the rain.

UNM’s Director of Government and Community Relations has now been arrested three times for DWI. He has been previously convicted twice for this offense.

After numerous setbacks and a countless number of losing seasons, UNM’s football coach looks to the future.

V.23 No.8 |

news

The Daily Word in touring Old Main, New Mexico ranks first in something and the collapse of Bitcoin

By Geoffrey Plant [ Tue Feb 25 2014 8:33 AM ]
The Daily Word

New Mexico is ranked first among states for sexual stamina.

Judge's ruling on Albuquerque's DWI vehicle-seizure program is being interpreted in two ways.

An accused pedophile once worked at a Nob Hill magic shop.

You may now purchase tickets for tours of "Old Main," site of the 1980 New Mexico prison riot.

There was a huge shakeup in the Bitcoin world last night and yes, money disappeared.

Netflix sets precedent of paying for faster broadband speeds.

Elevator Gossip tweeter identified.

Toronto mayor Rob Ford was on The Today Show.

Mexican authorities, with the help of DEA and US marshals, captured Mexican Sinaloa-cartel leader El Chapo Guzman.

Some politicians who voted for Arizona's "anti-gay" sb 1062 are feeling like maybe the whole thing isn't such a good idea after all.

A Ugandan newspaper published a list of the country's "top" 200 gays.

25 cases (since 2012) of a polio-like disease affecting children in California have parents and officials very worried.

Sarah Palin has a new TV show.

Fun Brady Brunch facts.

V.22 No.52 |

news

The Daily Word in Pussy Riot, New Mexico tourism and Nintendo porn

By Mark Lopez [ Fri Dec 27 2013 9:48 AM ]
The Daily Word

Pussy Riot may be out of prison, but their work is far from over.

Conrad Alvin Barrett's getting charged with a hate crime, and he thought he was just playing a game.

A Louisiana man, who was in the middle of a custody battle for his four children, shot and killed three people before killing himself.

Monsignor William Lynn's case involving priest-sex abuse charges was overturned, and he could get released as early as this week after spending 18 months behind bars.

Utah wants to take same-sex marriage ruling to the US Supreme Court.

Speaking of same-sex marriage, now that it's legal in New Mexico, does that mean a boost in tourism?

Robert Ortiz, after drunkenly rolling his Chevy Blazer, goes into a giggle fit when cops issue a sobriety test. Oh, and he also has 10 DWI arrests to his name.

Thanks to good road crews, descansos remain on the highways.

A father in Virginia reported to local news that his son found pornographic images on a Nintendo gaming system he got for Christmas. Sorry buddy.

V.22 No.33 | 8/15/2013

Feature

Dirt City Driving for Neophytes

Alibi circulation manager drops native motoring knowledge

By Geoffrey Plant
Geoffrey Plant is your instructor, and this is everything you always wanted to know about booting, DWI and parking tickets, but were afraid to ask.
V.22 No.20 | 5/16/2013

Aural Fixation

Mixed Drink Tape

Songs in the key of booze

By Samantha Anne Carrillo
An obsessive-compulsive editor spent three days soaking in aural alcohol, and it resulted in a lush mixtape.
V.22 No.9 |

news

The Daily Word in illegal hot air balloons, ghost wives, forced to pee in a bucket and more interlock license restrictions

Happy birthday Dean Stockwell

By Geoffrey Plant [ Tue Mar 5 2013 8:28 AM ]
The Daily Word

Hot air balloons are illegal in Albuquerque, dogs rejoice.

This guy may sue Circle K for allegedly making him pee in a bucket.

A bill headed to the NM Senate takes the state's fight against drunk-driving to a new extreme. I can think of one way to get around this.

Filesharing site Pirate Bay says it has moved operations to friendlier-than-Sweden North Korea.

Another excellent Dangerous Minds rant about Facebook's "broken on purpose" EdgeRank scheme.

Sinkholes around the world and in Albuquerque.

The White House thinks you should be able to unlock your phone or tablet and wants the current law changed.

A town that wanted to put up a statue of Len Bias finds out that most people think of the dead basketball star as a crackhead, not an athlete. Whatever you may think, he was a pivotal figure in the War on Drugs.

These guys have a suitable dead woman that would make a great wife for your dead single brother.

Harrison Ford is going to be in Anchorman 2.

On this day in 1936 Dean Stockwell was born into this big plastic hassle.

V.22 No.3 | 1/17/2013

news

The Daily Word in autism, gun laws and killer breasts

By B.L. Brennan [ Wed Jan 16 2013 10:12 AM ]
The Daily Word

New study shows that it may be possible for some children to outgrow autism.

Some law enforcement officials say they won’t enforce new gun laws.

Albuquerque resident can’t figure out why cars keep crashing into her backyard.

Woman accused of suffocating her boyfriend to death with her breasts.

U.S. Marshal’s trial for a DWI has been put on hold for the sixth time.

Ryan Seacrest spill new details on the Nicki Minaj/Mariah Carey feud.

The owner of 5 dogs that attacked a four-year-old girl apologizes.

V.21 No.52 |

news

The Daily Word in New Year's Day.

By Nick Brown [ Tue Jan 1 2013 4:51 PM ]
The Daily Word

The Senate passed a fiscal cliff deal.

People died in a deadly human stampede.

A suspected bomb builder gave birth.

Putin decided Russia has a drinking problem.

It's dangerous to be funny in Egypt.

New Year's Day is a big suicide day.

Take note of celebrity air rage incidents.

A Japanese porn star got 100 of bottles if ick.

What are the most hungover cities in America?

Here's a newborn baby elephant.

Parrots hate electronic music.

The world's biggest treehouse.

A cat enjoys the holidays.

Microscope photos.

APD DWI checkpoint report.

Happy birthday Frank Langella.

Thanks to Susan Petersen, Sarah Bonneau and Helenoid for the links.

V.21 No.51 |

news

The Daily Word in beauty pageants, bilingual dogs, maple syrup, and a disgraced former APD cop returns to Albuquerque

By Geoffrey Plant [ Thu Dec 20 2012 9:03 AM ]
The Daily Word

Rogue APD cop who served part of his lengthy sentence in Pelican Bay is back in town.

Miss Las Cruces resigned her title after being charged with DWI.

Miss USA is Miss Universe.

A "driving under the influence of marijuana" charge was filed against a man in Washington state.

The President of France came close to apologizing to Algeria for all the crap it went through under French colonization.

Colorado, Mayan apocalypse and the inspiration for Indiana Jones.

Anchorman 2 will be released one year from today.

Get yer bulletproof backpacks heah!

Authorities in Canada have recovered two thirds of the stolen national strategic maple syrup reserve, arrested three.

Montreal passed a bylaw requiring dogs to respond to commands in both English and French.

Here is a collection of the main title sequences from all the James Bond films.

A huge mall is set to be built in a town of four in Sweden.

Good, if short, NYT Willie Nelson interview.

Unusual menstrual pads.

Andy Richter can help you come out this holiday.

Samuel L. Jackson and Anne Hathaway find out who's movie is more depressing.


V.21 No.49 | 12/6/2012

news

The Daily Word in Glitter Dick, Andrew W.K. and Chinese sex slaves.

By Nick Brown and Co. [ Fri Nov 30 2012 11:16 AM ]
The Daily Word

Rest in peace guitarist Mickey Baker.

The Onion fooled China.

Bjork shares her favorite TED Talks.

He was a Chinese sex slave dungeon master.

A cat made of fur and anger.

Two students were forced to hold hands.

Here’s what that fire was yesterday.

A New York man got a DWI on his way to a DWI.

A false Messiah gets three years for spitting.

A church in Milan has set up an exorcist hotline.

Amazing anamorphic illusions.

Apparently Andrew W.K. will not be a Cultural Embassador to Bahrain.

Glitter Dick posters on UNM campus sparked a controversy.

Commissioner Wiener wants Charlie Sheen to play him in a movie. Wiener's writing a screenplay.

The lesser prairie chicken is threatened.

Gawker interviews the pale nerd king.

Happy birthday Billy Idol.

Contance Moss, Marisa Demarco and Emily Aragon: Thanks for the linkies!

V.21 No.47 |

news

The Daily Word in Obamacare challenge, LiLo's new movie, Gangnam Christmas

Happy Cyber Monday!

By E.J. Maliskas [ Mon Nov 26 2012 9:52 AM ]
The Daily Word

Save money, but be safe.

The supreme court has revived a Christian college's challenge to Obamacare.

Lobos hold it together for a 69-54 win over Portland to take record to 6-0.

Just how bad was Lindsay Lohan's new movie?

Real ID Act has some New Mexicans scrambling to get their passports.

Woman arrested after reportedly riding a manatee for thrills.

A clown collapsed and died while blowing up balloons at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

A Black Friday shopper died after being tackled by Wal-Mart eployees.

Man parked on a median off of Academy charged with his fourth DWI.

A NASA astronaut and Russian cosmonaut will spend a full year aboard the ISS to study how the human body reacts and adapts to the space environment.

SpaceX founder wants to help colonize Mars.

Christmas lights Gangnam style.

60-square-mile Sandy Island shown on Google maps does not appear to actually exist.

Five members of the LANL security force fired for "improper use of a live fire shooting range."

What our friends would be like if they were cats and dogs.

Pinterest fails.

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V.21 No.13 |

NEWS

The Daily Word in street sweeping dwi, sad lottery stories, giant tree house!

By E.J. Maliskas [ Mon Apr 2 2012 10:07 AM ]
The Daily Word

Albuquerque street sweeper arrested for DWI.

Who are you rooting for tonight?

I wonder if inside-out stars are as delicious as inside-out oreos.

Man strip searched in wake of traffic violation loses Supreme Court appeal.

Mega millions winner has yet to come forward to claim his lottery ticket. Meanwhile, this poor guy got struck by lightning instead of winning the big bucks.

Doesn't get too much cooler than an Allosaurus tattoo.

Those Scandanavians and their metal bands.

Just who is classy enough to take on the role of the late Steve Jobs?

Man arrested after being accused of stealing 43 single dollar bills off of a pub wall.

Forensic experts on audio recording in Trayvon Martin case.

OK GO's latest music video.

Police say man caught having sex in a bar bit off bartender's finger.

In New Mexico, April (snow) showers bring May flowers.

I want to live in this giant tree house real bad!

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