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V.25 No.33 | 08/18/2016

Dream Blog #370

Grungy Elmo

We're in a hospital waiting room waiting to see my dad. J's trying to distract me from my anxiety by telling me about the Alibi's target demographic: Arnold Schwarzenegger. While J is explaining specifics of this, I'm trying to understand the wisdom of targeting a single person … especially one who lives in another state.

The nurse tells me my dad is ready for visitors. J stays in the waiting room and I go into his room, which was just behind the couch we were waiting on. My dad is Danny DeVito. He wakes up and I say, "You're Danny DeVito." He says, "Yes, but I prefer to be called grungy Elmo." We start shooting the breeze.

Then his heart and brain monitors start going crazy. He stays calm, points at them and asks, "What's that all about?" I run to the waiting room and call for a nurse. She comes in, picks up a clipboard, and starts writing. I'm wondering why she isn't doing anything or calling for more help. His monitors flat-line and he looks like he's asleep. The nurse turns to me and, with a chipper attitude, says, "That's weird. People don't usually have such a massive stroke until they're much older." I begin to cry into my hands.

With my head in my hands I hear a monitor start to beep. I look up and Danny DeVito has transformed into Aughra (from the Dark Crystal). The brain monitor is beeping, but the heart monitor is still a flat line. She opens her eyes: her irises are a milky pink. I think to myself, "As if she wasn't terrifying enough already: now she's a zombie."

She begins to sit up. I think to myself, "When I wake up I'm going to sleep on the couch." She looks right at me and moans.

I wake up, gather my things. And head for the couch.

V.21 No.45 | 11/8/2012

news

The Daily Word in goodbye Elmo, goodbye energy dependence, goodbye Julena

The Daily Word

Voice of Elmo exits Sesame Street amid sex scandal accusations.

Albuquerque woman accused of driving twice the speed limit and drinking beer while driving with two children in the car.

United States predicted to achieve energy independence by 2017.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are splitsville.

Scientists at Duke say they’ve finally succeeded in building a perfect invisibility cloak.

Double shooting in southeast Albuquerque leaves one dead and another hospitalized.

Study suggests that flu and fever during pregnancy are linked to autism risk in children.

MmmMmm Fiber in your Pepsi.

MmmMmmMmm: Salmonella in your Nesquik.

Oh, the joys of Movember.

What are the chances of Marijuana legalization in New Mexico?

Who knew drops of milk hitting coffee could be so darn beautiful?

Lobo men’s soccer team misses out on tournament championship title.

Lobo football loses to Wyoming.

Wee kittens watch a game of tennis.

Twin baby boys bouncing and giggling and giggling and bouncing.

V.19 No.39 | 9/30/2010

news

The Daily Word 9.28.10: Obama in the South Valley, Elmo street fights, Vdara hotel death ray

The Daily Word

President Obama is here in our very own South Valley this morning.

They want you to stay home and vote in your birthday suit in Illinois.

A small-town mayor in Mexico was stoned to death.

There’s some kind of tourist-melting death ray at the Vdara hotel in Las Vegas.

Los Angeles hit a record-high 113 degrees yesterday. Looks like we’re in for a balmy fall.

In other the-world-is-ending news, NYC is issued another tornado watch.

Production of The Hobbit movie may be shut down due to a possible actors strike.

Sarah Palin booed on “Dancing with the Stars” supporting her daughter “Bristol the Pistol” (her words, not mine).

Four new world records are set ... for the fastest stiletto race.

Elmo was attacked and ended up kicking someone’s ass in Winter Park, Florida.

The UNM Lobos football team has been rated the third worst in the nation, according to ESPN.

 

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