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V.18 No.51 | 12/17/2009

FlashQuiz: Kashrut Foods, Gesundheit

It’s Hannukah. My parents invited the children up to their place last night to celebrate with a glazed ham. We’re those kinds of Jews. That is to say, we’re the Albuquerque sort of Jewish, which is much like the Albuquerque sort of Catholicwe love the gift-giving holidays and the food and the iconography, but we really can’t deal with the actual religion part. Also, we’re half-Catholic.

Pork is treif, off-limits to the chosen sons of Abraham. This is also proof that God has a terrific sense of humor, since He gave everyone I’ve met in His minions an unrequited love for bacon.

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V.18 No.47 | 11/19/2009

FlashQuiz: You’re a Flag

Tuesday is like Friday for us Alibi folks. Tuesdays are when we “put the issue to bed” by sending the paper’s pages off to the printer. Night-night, volume 18, issue 47. See you tomorrow when you’re a full-grown paper.

And so, to thoroughly cleanse the taste of yesterday’s (actually tomorrow’s) news from my mouth, I’m rinsing vigorously with a Mental Floss quiz. The theme of this one is “Flags of the World (The Hard Ones).” Apparently, either Armenia or Kyrgyzstan has what appears to be a soccer ball on fire as its national flag ...

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V.18 No.44 | 10/29/2009

FlashQuiz: Is It Haunted?

I just bought a house. A foreclosed one. With giant cobwebs, tumescent black widows hiding behind every cabinet door, and overturned Nordic Track machines strewn about the property.

It’s an awesome house, and it came at an awesome price. But I worry that it could be haunted. Not that the toilets are filling with blood or anthingit’s just a concern I nurse for a while after moving into new environs. Because, you never really know for sure until you’ve lived somewhere for a while. Why not? Maybe it’s haunted.

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V.18 No.40 | 10/1/2009

FlashQuiz: Maybe It’s an Ulcer

Gnawing, burning stomach pain. Nausea. No appetite. Crap-loads of stress.

... sounds like an ulcer, right?

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V.18 No.38 | 9/17/2009

FlashQuiz: Your Accent

The way you talk says a lot about you. The American Accent quiz asks you some basic demographic information (age range, gender), then gets you to rate your perceptions of alike-sounding words. After 13 easy questions, it tells you where you’re from.

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V.18 No.36 | 9/3/2009

FlashQuiz: Stress

I’m pretty easygoing. In fact, you’ll never see me break a sweat. (Unlike old Chicken Little, here ------>)

Whenever folks are stressing around me, it’s my jobas the de facto zenlike, unflappable personturn to them and say, “Hey man, chill out,” or “Just RELAX!” or “Would you CALM DOWN?” That usually does it.

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V.18 No.35 | 8/27/2009
[Insert joke about Nick Brown here.]
[Insert joke about Nick Brown here.]

FlashQuiz: You’re Fearing the Wrong Things

In a nut shell, Josh McHugh’s “What Should You Really Fear?” quiz (for Wired) tries to pull the juicy, media-marinated meat of sensationalism from the comparatively small and boring bones of fact. The way he tells it:

Fatally bad decision-making occurs when the gutthe subconscious mechanism of self-preservation that got us through the pre-CNN epochsidentifies a media-amplified image, story, or statistic as a clear and present danger. The resulting inchoate sense of foreboding causes us to grossly overestimate the danger of highly unlikely threats (West Nile virus, terrorist attacks, abduction, plane crashes, shark attacks) and underestimate far more serious, if mundane, threats (car accidents).

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V.18 No.34 | 8/20/2009

FlashQuiz: Les Paul, 94, Dies

OK, this is sort of a FlashQuiz/Death Announcement. Les Paul died today (complications from pneumonia ... so, old age). Read the NYT obit of the man who invented multitrack recording and the solid body electric guitar. Then wank on rock gear trivia with the Les Paul vs. Leo Fender Quiz.

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V.18 No.31 | 7/30/2009

FlashQuiz: The Belief-O-Matic

The stated goal of this 20-question philosophy of religion quiz (much more fun than my dry-ass description sounds) is to list 26 popular faiths “in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.”

Never in a million years would I have thought Scientology would crack my Top 10, but Belief-O-Matic tells a different story. Scary. Here’s how I scored:

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V.18 No.26 | 6/25/2009
Play Youtube Video

FlashQuiz: Elbow to Asshole

Listen, this isn't easy to say, but I'm sure you must have suspected it on some level. You're kind of ... you know ... becoming an asshole. Of course I'm prepared to accept that you don't believe me. That's why they came up with this quiz.

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V.18 No.25 | 6/18/2009


FlashQuiz: The INS Test

Chances are at least one person in your family tree had to apply for citizenship to this country. How would you hold up in their shoes? Find out by taking a short, sample version of the Immigration And Naturalization Service test here. If you did all right, you won’t feel so smart when you look at all 100 laboriously patriotic questions (ditto for the answers) here.

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V.18 No.23 | 6/4/2009

FlashQuiz: Bubble and Squeak

... In Brit-speak, that’s leftover veg and meat fried up with mashed potatoes. If you didn’t already know that, there’s no chance whatsoever you’ll be successful in answering the UK Guardian’s “Are You a British Foodie?” quiz. (You can always admit defeat and skip directly to “An American’s Guide to Speaking British: Food and Drink.”)

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V.18 No.22 | 5/28/2009

FlashQuiz: Memorial Day

I know embarrassingly little about the holiday that’s causing everyone to fire up their barbecues or drive down to state lakes today. While the juice of cow flesh flows down your chin, take this historical quiz. You’ll probably do better than I did.

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V.18 No.21 | 5/21/2009

FlashQuiz: The Shackles of Love

In honor of my impending wedding, here's an eye-opening (and austere-looking) true/false quiz on marriage statistics from the New York Times archives. In a nutshell, everything we thought we knew about it is wrong. I just hope my choice in mates fares better than I did on this quiz. (Love you honey bunny!)

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V.18 No.18 | 4/30/2009
Just don’t call me Shirley.
Just don’t call me Shirley.

FlashQuiz: Bookish Beginnings

Verily, I say, match these opening lines to the novels from whence they were ripp't.

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