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The Daily Word in drones, reefer stores, hematomas and how the NSA controls your iPhone

Here's a list of local holiday closures to help you figure out when to put out your trash and stuff.

The Rio Grande is bone-dry in southern New Mexico.

Santa Fe's plastic bag ban takes effect February 27th 2014.

The Johnny Tapia film is coming soon.

NSA has 100% access to your iPhone. Messages, contacts—and they can remotely turn it into a listening device. Not cool.

Ariel Castro's neighbor was a murder-raping pig and he is going to jail.

Michael Schumacher is getting relatively better after his terrible skiing accident.

There is now a better cardboard box, people.

Cab Calloway's lexicon of hip will make you the life of the party before you cop a final.

Weed stores will open their doors in Denver tomorrow.

Dig this totally righteous anti-Nazi Christmas card from 1943.

You will need this guide to identifying and hiding from drones.

Buy Chuck Norris' house.

A tanker train exploded in North Dakota.

"The octopus-man would make a fine policeman or soldier ...."

news

The Daily Word in stand your ground, electric Apple and Cory Monteith's death

George Zimmerman trial outcome causes speculation on the "stand your ground" law.

Taking photos of the secretary of state's house and a pellet gun in your car? Someone's been a busy boy.

Apple is set to investigate a claim that a woman was electrocuted by her iPhone.

"Glee" star Cory Monteith was found dead in a Vancouver hotel over the weekend. Police have ruled out foul play.

"Angel" the dog is said to be recovering well after having her throat slashed.

Heavy rain catches Albuquerque citizens in the metro area off guard.

Jury deliberations for the Levi Chavez murder trial started at 8:30 this morning.

K-Y Intense Arousal gel causes Alabama post office evacuation. No joke.

news

The Daily Word in drugged driving, class warfare, the 47 percent and fire tornados

New Mexico's Court of Appeals ruled that convicted "drugged drivers" must install ignition interlocks, though the devices don't detect drugs.

Romney projects "class warfare" onto Obama whose campaign is stronger than his opponent's despite less cash flow. And Ann Romney defends her husband's efforts against GOP critics.

How Americans with jobs escape paying income taxes (by not making enough money to escape poverty). Paul Krugman chimes in about the "47 percent."

Extremist mobs protesting the anti-Islamic film made by some American nut job get violent in Pakistan.

Some crazy people spent days in line to get the new iPhone.

An article about the tiny home movement and new, tiny apartment units in New York (I thought they already had those).

Fiona Apple joins Willie Nelson and Snoop Dog in the arrested-in-West-Texas-for-possession-of-marijuana club.

Another officer-involved shooting in Albuquerque.

Republican First Congressional District candidate Janice Arnold-Jones portrays birth control benefits as an obligation to "pay for your recreational sex."

Lindsay Lohan plays Elizabeth Taylor in a Lifetime movie. Watch the "craptastic" trailer!

Fire tornados!

Places to go before global warming ruins them.

Weather: Highs in the low '90s through the weekend.

news

The Daily Word in iPhone 5, Amanda Palmer and Endeavour

Chick-fil-A bows out of homophobe politics.

Students protest racist anti-abortion propaganda at UNM.

At 11:30 a.m., Endeavour will fly over White Sands.

The Mars rover got some snaps of an eclipse.

Register to vote.

OK, so why isn't New Mexico big in solar?

Oh, that Jon Stewart: Chaos on Bullshit Mountain

Beyoncé is a good role model for the Obama daughters, says the president.

Maybe we should elect Canada as POTUS.

How will LGBT youth fare in a new Tunisia?

iPhone 5 lines are forming around the country.

It's OK if you don't want kids. In 2008, you could just drop them off in Nebraska.

A woman screaming "I'm Jack Sparrow" hijacks a passenger ferry and crashes it into other boats.

Amanda Palmer got more than $1 million through Kickstarter to make an album. People are wondering what the hell she's spending it on.

Work backward out of a creative rut.

What's next in body mods?

news

The Daily Word in awesome Canada, Opposite Day and the sinking ghost ship

Thousands pilgrimage to Chimayó today.

Las Vegas, N.M., fights fracking and bans oil and gas drilling.

Why Canada should be cheered for ditching the penny.

Menacing Easter bunnies.

Kid sells his kidney for an iPhone.

Marine Corps pilot says he played tag with a UFO in the ’70s.

Guy gets naked for Opposite Day.

Jesus appears in duct tape in Albuquerque.

Coast Guard sinks a ghost ship with a cannon.

Ex-Gov. Gary Johnson says making Gov. Susana Martinez the veep pick would be Sarah Palin, Part Deux.

Smallest town in the States sells for only $900,000.

Why Catholics really eat fish on Fridays.

Pit bull takes a bullet for his owner.

Chevy Chase is an asshole.

news

The Daily Word in election results, rain and scoopable chicken

Yesterday's election results here.

Assassination plot #587 against Afghan President Hamid Karzai foiled.

Some good news for Democrats.

It totally rained yesterday!

Can having incompetent lawyers invalidate your death-penalty sentence? I'm asking for a friend.

House Republicans triple the budget to defend the Defense of Marriage Act.

Anonymous may or may not attack the New York Stock Exchange.

Bad news for fans of blowjobs.

Andrew Breibart tries to link President Obama to the New Black Panther Party.

Nazis are being hunted again in Germany.

Astronomers use science the test the legend of Frankenstein's birth.

Israeli scientists win the chemistry Nobel prize for the discovery of quasicrystals.

Apple announced an updated iPhone yesterday, but I'm more interested in this 24-year-old video that foretells many of the new phone's features.

Meet Sesame Street's new food insecure muppet.

Disney will be releasing more animated classics as 3D re-releases.

NBA preseason is cancelled as labor talks put the rest of the regular season is in jeopardy.

I thought this was a crazy fever-dream, but Popeye's is introducing scoop-shaped chicken nuggets.

Ten classic books that were originally rejected by publishers.

It turns out buying groceries at a drug store is a bad deal.

This year's 20 best microphotos.

Are your Facebook statuses interesting?

WIll this current season be the last for The Simpsons?

Two restaurants frequented by my creepy uncle are locked in a legal battle.

Hey Emily, did you see the Coen brothers are making a TV show?

Happy Birthday Larry Fine!!!

NEWS

The Daily Word 8.22.11 likes Antarctic ice flow, robo-poopers, famous dolphins, and more.

Gaddafi's regime appears to be crumbling in the aftermath of the capture of 3 of his sons.

NASA space research leads to first complete map of ice flow in Antarctica.

Expo New Mexico events manager charged with child solicitation.

Gang of young Albuquerque vandals arrested and accused of disobeying their parents.

Who wore it better? MC Hammer or Aladdin?

Sarah Palin gets last chance to enter presidential race.

Awww. Winter the dolphin with her prosthetic tail finally gets the the fame she deserves.

The Debut of RoboDump 1.0 (yes, the 'dump' stands for what you think it does).

Florida police arrest a man outside of a McDonald's for popping his own back zits in public.

Lots of quotes from different rock songs to make your day a little wiser.

Man in a flowered dress and whitey tighties on his head robs a Texas convenience store.

Travel agents tell funny stories about stupid people.

61-year-old lifegaurd sues state after getting fired for refusing to wear a speedo.

Five new ways to tie a tie.

Japanese iPhone users will soon be able to get sophisticated earthquake alerts.

Super racist Nivea ad.

6 amazing optical illusions.

news

The Daily Word with Healthier Happy Meals, MIA Bronze Sheep, Netflix Rate Hikes

You couldn’t pay me to live in downtown Detroit. Well, maybe you could.

What heartless bastard would steal these poor innocent bronze sheep statues?

It takes real guts and dedication to remove your own hernia with a butter knife.

A man’s on the loose after stabbing a woman in a Virginia mall ... in the buttocks?

Norwegian massacre suspect Anders Behring Breivik is a “a little bit surprised” he was able to kill 76 people; I guess that’s what happens when you use guns and bombs in crowded places.

That smoke you’ve been seeing is from the Albuquerque Metals Recycling Plant in the South Valley.

Only in the South will you get this type of NASCAR pre-race prayer.

How many of you sleep with your iPhone?

Governor Jerry Brown of California signs the Dream Act into law.

McDonald’s debuts healthier Happy Meals featuring fruits and veggies and smaller french fry portions.

Netflix is getting a hell of a lot of flak for its proposed rate increases.

Scientists say the “God Particle,” which explains why matter has mass, could be found by 2012.

Meanwhile, buzkill scientists in Hong Kong claim that time travel is impossible based on recent research.

news

The Daily Word: Bosque Closure, Sarah Palin Quits Something Else, TSA's Mobil Groping Teams

Mayor Berry close portions of the Bosque.

Rio Rancho police are cracking down on tailgaters.

Police arrest La Familia cartel boss.

UNM scientists prove that men are funnier than women.

Stephen Colbert finds the one Republican candidate who can beat Obama.

Sarah Palin quits her bus tour halfway through.

Watch out for the TSA Mobile Groping Squads.

The Supreme Court will review the patentability of medical diagnostic tests.

Man arrested after IRS accidently deposits $110,000 into his bank account.

Wimbledon officials wants female tennis players to stop grunting so loudly.

Iran wants to send a monkey into space.

Bronies are real, and they're in Albuquerque.

Top 10 brands that will disappear next year.

Coming soon to a restaurant near you: horse-semen shots.

Your dishwasher is slowly killing you.

This giant chicken-deboning machine is terrifying, awesome.

Man ships himself across country in a crate equipped to play a MMO as part of an art project.

The earliest American artwork discovered is …

Oh yeah, they remade Footloose.

New iPhone rumor #32.

Pray for a Destiny's Child reunion.

The seven types of friends everyone needs.

Happy Birthday John Dillinger!!!

news

The Daily Word: Alec Baldwin for Mayor, Upgrade Your iPhone Today, Mass-Grave In Texas

Wallow Fire is creeping towards the NM state line.

Connecticut became the 13th state to decriminalize marijuana.

Two dogs die after being left in hot Animal Welfare vehicle.

Conservative activist group puts fake eviction notices on Detroit homeowners' doors.

Margaret Thatcher won't meet with Sarah Palin.

The owner of Steins Ghost Town was found shot to death.

The Texas mass-grave that wasn't.

Speaker of the House John Boehner more than doubled his monthly expense account.

Long list of sports figures who claimed their Twitter was hacked.

E. Coli infections in Tennessee.

New deep space images from the VLT Survey Telescope.

Alec Baldwin is considering running for mayor of New York City.

How to upgrade your iPhone to iOS 5 today!

Australia's Department of Defense claims to have lost all of it's UFO files.

One out of four US hackers is a FBI informant.

Good news for the 23,322 bittorrenters accused of sharing The Expendables.

The most kissed girl in the world.

Why aren't airplane seats designed better?

Peanutweeter is the new Garfield Minus Garfield.

10 video game facts about the late Macho Man Randy Savage.

Happy birthday Joan Rivers!!!

news

The Daily Word: Long Form Birth Certificate, Secret Nazi UFOs, Rainbow Poo

President Obama releases his long form birth certificate, but haters got to hate.

Apple to update iPhones and iPads to fix location tracking.

Dude, it's cold out today.

General Petraeus will be nominated to be the new director of the CIA.

San Francisco may ban circumcisions.

Homeless woman is facing 20 years in prison for sending her child to the wrong school.

Coming soon: Rainbow poo.

Santa Fe deputy caught on camera shoplifting.

Hitler ordered the creation of Nazi UFOs to destroy London and New York.

Entire new order of insects discovered at South African truck stop.

Anti-gay hate crime leads to eight horses killed in a barn fire.

William S. Burroughs (who died in 1997) is on trial for corrupting Turkish morals.

The Sony Playstation Network outage looks much worse than originally thought.

Sweet Chernobyl graffiti.

Budget cuts force SETI to shut down its telescope facility.

A guide to making people feel old.

Will women's clothing ever be standardized?

You can listen to the Beastie Boys new album here.

You have a month to rescue your photos from Friendster.

Unstoppable raft of fire ants is waiting for you.

Things that are overexposed.

The world's most powerful laser is being built in Eastern Europe.

Jon Bon Jovi is opening a pay what you can restaurant in New Jersey.

Marshfield, Massachusetts: the town that banned Pac Man.

Cupcake flavored vodka.

Pittsburgh has a ninja problem.

Be your own souvenir.

This incredibly safe lame chemistry set comes with no chemicals.

14 serial killers who were never captured.

Six of the rarest of rare-earth minerals.

Happy birthday Walter Lantz!!!

news

The Daily Word: Gary For President, iPhones Track Your Every Move, Glowing Pork

Former governor Gary Johnson skips the exploratory committee and announces he is running for president.

UNM President David Schmidly says he won't seek contract extension.

NMSO is bankrupt.

Your iPhone keeps a record of everywhere you go.

Homemade bombs found at mall near Columbine High School.

How to get ready to be fired.

Stranger catches toddler falling from Florida hotel balcony.

People fake being sick to get sympathy online.

Michigan police are using cellphone hacking devices during routine traffic stops.

BP sues Transocean for at least $40 billion for the Gulf oil disaster.

The Weird Al / Lady Gaga feud appears settled.

A professor vanished into another dimension.

Internet sex joke goes here.

Director of the Oscar-nominated documentary Restrepo and Pulitzer Prize-nominated photographer Chris Hondros were killed in Libya.

Glee extra tweets career-ending spoiler.

Looks like Gordon Ramsay has a real kitchen nightmare on his hands. Get it?

It's science: cancelled TV shows make you sad.

How did you think you'd look in junderpants?

Something tells me this guy is in a gang.

Make a bunny rabbit cake for Easter!

Glowing blue pork found in China.

Jerry Seinfeld pulls out of a Donald Trump-sponsored benefit.

Robot throws out first pitch, chokes.

Happy birthday Tony Danza!!!

news

The Daily Word 8.24.10: egg recall, George Michael, medical marijuana

The massive egg recall reaches 550 million and counting. Here’s where to find if your eggs have been recalled.

... And not to be outdone, Wal-Mart plans a meat recall of its very own.

George Michael, of WHAM! and urinal mishap fame, could face jail time for driving under the influence.

Toshiba is launching a new 3D TV, no glasses required.

Medical marijuana is helping Colorado’s budget deficit.

The U.S. troop count in Iraq falls below 50,000.

The City of Albuquerque does a homeless raid in Phil Chacon Park.

A German man shot in the back of the head five years ago just now found out.

Home burglars are caught by Dallas man using an iPhone app.

A gator is loose in Chicago.

Time Waster

Does Your iPhone Get You Laid?

Android, don't do me no favors ...
OkTrends
Android, don't do me no favors ...

According to this new set of stats at OkCupid's blog, iPhone owners are a bit more likely to have sex than folks with Blackberries, and get nearly twice as lucky as those poor suckers with Androids. I guess fiddling around with that sweet interface cuts down on the ol' eye contact.

But it's definitely not the camera on the iPhone that makes people think you're hot. The post also reports on which cameras make people look the most attractive, and the iPhone rates as barely passable. The Android is considerably worse at bringing out your good side, but at least it's not as bad as the Blackberry, which I can testify to having a truly miserable camera. So, how can you look your absolute best? The highest rated pics in the survey all came from the Panasonic Lumix GF1C-K dSLR - it'll only set you back about $800. But hey, who can put a price on beauty?

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A thousand monkeys posting a thousand tweets...

John Bear is e-tarded

Until recently, I was strictly a newspaper guy. Dead trees slathered in ink.

Now I find myself thrust into the world of web-based journalism. It started with the Alibi offering me a slot on its blog. (This post, by the way, will be the very first I put on the website, and you’re reading it.)

I have spent much of the last six years scoffing at bloggers. An editor once told me that a reporter without an editor is a blogger. He was fired for watching internet porn, so I guess everything is on the internet.

At my college paper, the other editors had Facebook and MySpace pages. I laughed at them, and proclaimed that I would never sink so low. (I have a Facebook page now.)
So I’m a hypocrite perhaps. But I’ve always been resistant to technology. I just can’t follow every new thing over the cliff like an E-Lemming. Call me stubborn. Thinking I needed one to be a serious writer, I bought a typewriter when I was 19. Soon I had a collection of IBM Selectrics cluttering my apartment. Slowly, however, they have been left behind during subsequent moves or I have suckered someone into taking one. (“Oh you’ll love it,” I lie. “Much easier than a computer. The IBM Selectric Mark Two, the big mother. Trust me.)

The worst thing about my typewriter phase is the large amount of bad, typed poetry circulating out there. It turns out that I’m not Charles Bukowski.

Web-based everything. It’s not just the wave of the future. It’s here. And I’m catching up. I’m also taking a crack at the coveted “Full Time Freelance Journalist.” It’s not easy to do, but I’m determined. This will also require a significant web presence.

A colleague who has already jumped into the abyss told me last week over cappuccinos that I’ll need a website, blog, Twitter account, etc. It’s all about shameless self-promotion, I guess. I can do that. No problem.

I’m working on the website, though it appears to have been put together by a team of monkeys. The blog account is up. I’m holding off on the Twitter account. I just can’t do it.
Right now, I feel like one of those apes in 2001: A Space Odyssey dancing around the monolith. But I have arrived late, and all the other apes have iPhones.

Nonmobile version