lol


V.25 No.52 | 12/29/2016

The Daily Word in Trump Supporters, Gorrilaz and Smart Hairbrushes

The Daily Word

Republican senators have introduced an amendment (again) that would limit congressional terms.

Move aside, Kim K, here's the original selfie queen.

Industry weed is the biggest thing since the internet. Really.

Would you be surprised if I told you Trump supporters find Vladimir Putin more likable than President Obama?

The Gorillaz celebrate women musicians with a mixtape.

“PMS” aka, another misdiagnosis of women's medical issues.

In the market for a new hairbrush? How about The Hair Coach, a smart hairbrush from L'Oreal?

Tune into the next episode of definitely fucking not

V.25 No.45 | 11/10/2016

Weird Wonders

Taming of the Ostrich

A few years ago I was walking around my neighborhood, minding my own business. Two men whom I had never seen before approached me, speaking a strange language.

“Who are they? What do they want? Are they a threat?” I wondered silently and watched them from the corner of my eye.

The one closer to me held a stick by his face and it began to make noise. I was in shock.

“What is this? Witchcraft?” I reeled. Then it became pleasant. I lost myself in the whistling. I began to dance in a way I never had before. I was mystified. It was like my consciousness had been taken over by a higher power.

I regained my footing and left as the man nearest to me shouted something in a pleasant tone.

I will never forget that day.

V.25 No.20 | 05/19/2016

The Daily Word in Local Police Brutality, Truck Drivers and Climate Change

The Daily Word

Who could have guessed that vigilante justice could go wrong?

Metal mantra: Fuck the system, not the people oppressed by the system.

Kim Jong Un looks really great, nowadays, huh?

Yeah, let's make truck drivers who drive over 70 hours a week drive more. What a good idea.

BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!

Yes, killing an 88 year old man who is having a mental breakdown cause by his wife's death with over 60 pepperballs and an attack dog is super professional. Wow, APD, you're so good at your job.

The Catholic Church in Mexico opposes legalization of same-sex marriage but the gang violence can slide.

“God, Riley, Jessica is such a player!” —Every seven-year-old

V.25 No.15 | 04/14/2016

The Daily Word in Animals, Science and Exploiting Teen Girls

The Daily Word

So a cop got basically no punishment for following an unarmed man and shooting him dead.

Could this simple solution really help end sexual assault on American campuses?

Bernie Bros come in all sizes and varieties. Fantastic.

Animals don't give a fuck about you and your nonsense.

In a survey of over 1,000 people, researchers were able to confirm something everyone already knew. What a good way to spend time and money.

Have you ever been so infatuated with someone that you didn't notice a crime happening right in front of you?

“I’m 28. I make $4 million a year. What do you do?” yells the man-child douche-bag, David Brackett.

Some horrible young men in town have been caught exploiting teen girls.

V.24 No.45 | 11/05/2015

Hotline Online

The Hotline Bling music video from Drake has a lot of people losing their shit. Everyone is making fun of Drake for how he dances, but personally, I love it. I think it's totally great when people are, like, fully and unabashedly themselves, you know? The video has inspired lots of new memes and weird videos, which are my favorite things about life (obviously things are going great for me). So I've collected my favorite videos and memes, plus the original, too! So yeah, here's my list. Suck it, nerds!

The Original:

Bernie Sanders(???):

Drake on me (please):

Drake the Pokémon Master:

Tina Beltcher is always ready:

Peanuts style.

Drizzy has always been in Twin Peaks.

For Avatar fans.

And for 2003 Runescape fans!

Finally, my personal fave: Ready to rave?

V.24 No.40 | 10/1/2015

news

The Daily Word in pickles, Boehners and the Pope

The Daily Word

Trans woman harassed by dumb idiots that work for the TSA.

Did the Holy Spirit move House Speaker John Boehner to change his party from “Asshole” to “Philanthropist”? Only time will tell.

Pope Francis heals all.

Tasha The Amazon must be an angel (or an alien) because her flow is heavenly.

New students at UNM inspire an overhaul of the local education system.

I encourage you to be a professional, take your job seriously (especially on a Friday!) and look at these otters.

Testeey.

Don't fuck with pickles, man.

Critical thinking is difficult for government officials, but I believe they can do it one day.

V.24 No.20 | 05/14/2015

news

The Daily Word in dogs that look like pandas, marshmallow tricks and Ned Flanders quits The Simpsons

The Daily Word

Let's just start this off with some sad news and get it over with. The 24-year-old missing Albuquerque woman's vacant car was found at the top of the Sandia Crest, but search and rescuers have yet to locate the woman. Seriously hoping she is found safe.

You know how difficult your two sons are to handle? Imagine 13 of them. One Michigan family keeps havin' boys!

The opposite of 13 boys.

American Idol is stil a thing I guess. Someone won last night, but more importantly J. Lo performed a Rihanna song.

Ned Flanders quits The Simpsons and the entire world falls apart. Rumor has it Harry Shearer wants to do a little work outside of the Simpsons and the producers are all like "NOPE."

May 13 1985 was a sad day in Philly. What has changed since the MOVE bombing and what can be learned?

And to make my grandma proud, I've included her favorite publication's list of things you can do with marshmallows. Thank you, Reader's Digest!

V.24 No.19 | 05/07/2015
Amy Schumer Live at Legends Theater May 22 8pm
Photo courtesy of artist's website Captioning by Alibi's Art Department

news

Win A Pair Of Tickets To See Amy Schumer Live At Legends Theather And Have The Best Night Ever!

Qualify to win a pair of FREE tickets to see Amy Schumer live at Legends Theater May 22 at 8pm. Read more for details!
V.24 No.15 | 04/09/2015

news

The Daily Word in barfing in public, Troll Dolls and Mazzy Star!

The Daily Word

Where the hell did the sun go? If the overcast weather is making you feel murky and bummed out, here is a list of things that will make you feel better.

Mazzy Star's Give You My Lovin'.

Ever barfed unexpectedly in public? This kid did and he promptly sent an apology note to the "barf cleaners."

It'll be sunny tomorrow!

There are a lot of really beautiful, good people in the world.

wikiHow has solved depression. Turns out all we need to do is try things like being optimistic and making more money!

But seriously, if you're struggling right now there are people who care about you!

Sloths only go to the bathroom once a week! Read more weird facts about sloths here!

Basically the only reason Pinterest should exist is to worship Troll Dolls.

Enjoy the rest of your day, it won't be Monday soon.

V.24 No.13 | 03/26/2015

news

The Daily Word in Tamagotchis forever, 7th grade rejection and being a narcissist!

The Daily Word

It's Tuesday! Everyone has allergies and you're probably reading this when you should be doing work. This is the Daily Word!

Two dudes at George Mason University in Virginia created a device that puts out fires by bumping bass.

Some rogue ass lamas and coyotes are partying in New York!

Imagine creating a diorama out of the marshmallowy, neon Easter candies, Peeps. Now imagine you create such an inspiring piece of hidden peep artwork, that it’s featured in the Washington Post. GET YOUR DREAMS TOGETHER AND REACH FOR THE DAMN STARS! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

Remember when we all lost our minds and fed, entertained and nurtured our electronic pets? TREND ALERT: Tamagotchis NEVER STOPPED BEING COOL. I’ve had one for two decades straight. It feels good to be part of something larger than myself.

“In a world where the selfie has become our dominant art form, tautological phrases like “You do you” and its tribe provide a philosophical scaffolding for our ever-­evolving, ever more complicated narcissism.” Yeah, whatever. Ima do me and take a selfie of my cute ass outfit today. BYE!@

Remember the Macarena? In 7th grade I tried to kiss a boy to this song at a dance. He didn’t like the Macarena, or maybe it was me. Who can say?

Have a great day! And you do you, boo.

V.24 No.9 | 02/26/2015

This Week's Instagram Photo Contest Winner!

#alibigraf February 20-26, 2015

It's a good time to be alive when you can pee and snap a photo of stall graffiti in hopes of winning some cool loot from your local alt. weekly!

We especially loved this post by @genevievemueller,

but this post by @durwoodkerbyburger sums up the human experience of using public stalls and therefore is this week's winner!

Congrats to @durwoodkerbyburger! Email amelia@alibi.com to retrieve your surprise and alibi bucks. And thanks to our pals on Instagram who posted. Stay tuned for next week's photo contest guidelines!

V.24 No.8 | 02/19/2015

news

The Daily Word in alien license plates, the religion of Cher and gerbils causing the plague

The Daily Word

It's Tuesday and the sun is shining here in Albuquerque. JK! It's freezing.

It’s snowing! It’s snowing! CLOSE ALL THE SCHOOLS! CANCEL WORK!

You’re chewing too loud! Apparently there is a name for the feeling of rage you experience when the person next to you is breathing too loud.

Rats are not to blame for the Black Death! A new study suggests gerbils are the actual culprits in the “second plague pandemic.”

Feeding your baby peanut butter might prevent her from serious nut allergies in the future. Peanut butter for the win! PS. Don’t try this at home.

Cher calls out Arkansas governor Asa Hutchinson for vetoing a bill that would allow for more LGBT anti-discrimination laws. Like we needed any more reasons to worship Cher.

New Mexico wants to offer license plates that have anything from aliens to horned lizards on them. Duh. Let them do it.

V.23 No.50 |

news

The Daily Word In Kidnapped Puppies, Selena Gomez Freaking Out And A List Of All The Things To Do In ABQ Today!

The Daily Word

It's Wednesday December 17th!

Prince turned down an opportunity to be on The Simpsons and less surprisingly so did Tom Cruise!

"NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!" says Selena Gomez at Taylor Swift's 25th birthday party.

If your life feels terrible right now, or you're nursing an incredible hang over from a work holiday party, watch this video of puppies playing with their mom in the snow. It'll make you feel better.

Proof that you can return all the expensive gifts you got for your children and give them onions and bananas instead!

Oh SNAP! BBC is gettin' real with this list of the worst CEOs of 2014!

Garfield! Because everyone needs more Garfield in their life.

Everything is actually more terrible than we realized, because someone stole a disabled veteran's dog from a gas station on Wyoming.

And for anyone who says there isn't anything to do in Albuquerque, here is a comprehensive guide to ALL the things to do today!

V.23 No.47 |

news

The Daily Word In Pissing Kate Middleton Off, Dogs Dressed Up As Turkeys And A 6-Year-Old Girl's Skateboarding Posse

The Daily Word

It’s Wednesday November 26th and this rude ass storm is ruining Thanksgiving!

Meanwhile in Southern California, three six-year-old girls are cooler than we will ever be, and skateboard all the damn time.

In Pakistan, 20-year-old Aansoo Kohli teaches 150 children in a shed, isn’t paid for the job, and is finishing her Bachelors Degree,

And if you’re American and you're reading this from your tent outside Best Buy while you wait for a 99 cent TV, joke's on you! You’re doing it wrong!

A local “cafeteria angel” is paying off student lunch debts at elementary schools anonymously and depositing money into needy families' bank accounts, because apparently some people care about other people?

And while the rest of us are consuming questionable amounts of alcohol this “holiday” season and arguing with our racist in-laws, these dogs are all that really matter this Thanksgiving.

Americans can't do anything right. We can’t even dress ourselves! Which really pisses Kate Midleton off. C'mon, you guys! Get it together!

Merry happy Thanksgiving, or whatever. Don’t drink and drive.