JetBlue made a toddler pee in her seat.
Rest in peace, Casey Kasem.
A bionic pancreas may offer hope to those with diabetes.
Beware the dangers of heavy hoarding.
Pope Francis forgoes the bulletproof Popemobile.
Even parrots have fathers.
A broken water main in downtown ABQ is causing flooding and road closures.
What’s happening in ABQ today?
Happy birthday, Stan Laurel.
Missing Brown student's body has been found.
Two fuel barges light up the Mobile River in Alabama.
So, TMZ apparently got the first wind on Justin Bieber's alleged pot bust, but this is still a developing story, people.
Grants High School students aim to get teacher to resign after they say he ignored a student who suffered a miscarriage in the hallway.
Gay marriage resolution passed!
Apparently Steve Kush did not know people could read his Twitter and Facebook comments.
Impostor Seattle nurse stole meds from patients' IVs. ... What is the world coming to?
A smiling tribute to American blubber was stolen from Dairy Queen.
Horse owners like N.M. horse slaughterhouse.
Ex-APD officer who kicked a suspect in the head a bunch of times wants his job back.
Kofi Annan quits gig as Syrian peace envoy because no one's got his back.
Bone marrow transplants eradicate HIV.
What Robyn Lawley—the prestigious plus-size lacy underpants model—eats.
The lady who takes pictures of babies dressed like flowers and peas and things is totally nuts. (Satire)
The Olympic rings as fascinating infographics for nerds like me.
Is being an Olympic gymnast any fun anymore?
Swimmer Ryan Lochte digs one night stands, says his mom.
Kayla Harrison becomes the first American to win the gold in Judo.
How not to write about female musicians.
"Doctor Who" trailer for series 7 features dinosaurs.
All of the fireworks in San Diego's big show accidentally went off at once. (This has never happened to the Big Bay Boom before.)
In the Dirt City, plenty of people flipped a sparkly middle finger to fire restrictions.
We've entered monsoon season.
Apple is working on a mini-iPad. No, dummy, not an iPhone.
Government confirms: Mermaids are not real.
Fukushima disaster was the result of collusion, says expert panel.
Did you know Hannah Montana makes a raccoon repellent?
Lifeguard in Florida fired for trying to save a drowning swimmer.
Wikileaks releases 2.5 million emails from Syria.
Physicists find key to the universe.
How to take care of your vinyl in the heat.
India's going to give its citizens free medication.
Mitt Romney may pick a woman to be his running mate.
"Like a Virgin" moves Madonna to tears during a concert.
This week’s feature examines First Choice Healthcare, celebrating its 40th year of helping underserved areas throughout the state stay in tip-top shape. But while First Choice is accepting new patients, Michelle Melendez says that appointments and routine visits are difficult to schedule right away. Most folks wait several weeks. Here’s a checklist of things to do during that time to ensure your visit runs smoothly.
• If you have insurance, check with them to see if First Choice is in your network. Double-check your policy’s co-pay and deductible. Call and ask how much it’ll cost you if you need lab work or X-rays. That way you have an idea of how much you’ll be paying out of pocket.
• If you don’t have insurance, gather any documents you might need for financial assistance. This might include tax returns, W2 and 1099 forms, pay stubs, bank statements, proof of residence (utility bills), identification documents (social security card, birth certificates, etc.), picture ID (driver’s license), daycare documents, and documents from any other financial assistance or insurance programs you’re enrolled in. Make a file for you, your spouse and your kids.
• Gather a family medical history. Your provider wants to know about the health status of first-degree relatives (parents, siblings and children) as well as any conditions that affect multiple extended family members (for example, if you have three cousins and an aunt affected by lupus).
• Gather your own health history. This includes past diagnoses, current diagnoses, previous surgeries or injuries, immunization status, current medications (including herbs and supplements), and allergy history.
• Be prepared to discuss some personal social issues. Your provider may want to know who you sleep with, if you smoke or drink or use drugs, if you exercise, what your diet is like, where you work, how things are going at home, and if you feel safe and happy. These questions can be uncomfortable but they are not meant to judge. They’re to help your provider select the labs, treatments or referrals you need.
• If a particular symptom is bothering you, keep a diary of that symptom until your appointment. For example, if you have bothersome headaches, write down when they happen, how bad they are, if you have other symptoms, how long they last, what you do to make them go away and what you were doing prior to the headache.
• Make a list of your medications (name of drug, dose, how often you take it), or just toss all your medication bottles in a brown paper bag and bring them with you to your appointment.
• Make a list of every single question or issue you’d like to address during the visit. Now number the first, second and third most important things to you on that list. You need to know your priorities going into that visit. Given time constraints, lesser priorities may have to be addressed at follow-up visits.
• Plan on wearing loose-fitting clothing that’s easily removed. I can’t tell you how many tripled-layer wool turtlenecks, high-waisted skintight pleather pants, and knee-high lace up boots I’ve wasted valuable time wrestling with during the physical exam.
• You may need to authorize your previous health care providers to release your medical records.
• If you have copies of any previous lab or test results, heck, bring ’em with you.
• Try to arrive about 15 minutes early for your visit. I always bring a girlie magazine to flip through or a novel to read in case the clinic is running behind.
• Answering calls or texting during your visit will slow things down. Let your peeps know you’ve got an important meeting beforehand so they don’t start blowing up your cell phone once you’re in the room with the doctor.
The session adjourned at noon, and two measures that aimed to curb New Mexico’s high pharmy-abuse rates didn’t make it. Margaret Wright wrote an article for the Alibi about the measures. One aimed to tighten restrictions on opioid prescriptions. Another attempted to create a better tracking system for prescription misuse.
Medical associations bucked the legislation, saying it could discourage physicians from giving pain medications to people who need them.
Advocates argued the changes were needed because New Mexico leads the nation in rates of overdose deaths.
Meet the police officer who showed up to the car accident of Darren White's wife. The officer says his police report was rejected for grammatical errors.
Spelling errors cost millions.
Preschool kids playing with hypodermic needles.
Yogurt guy facing federal charges, three to five years behind bars and a $250,000 fine.
Mayor of Columbus, N.M., pleas guilty to gun smuggling for Mexican drug gangs. Town's police department shut down earlier this week, too.
The last Harry Potter movie is pretty good, says this reviewer.
Research uncovers a daily pill that protects people from HIV.
Marijuana can be even greener.
Pastafarian wins legal battle to wear pasta strainer on his head for his driver's license picture. (May His Noodly Appendage bless you, good sir.)
Du … Du Hast … Du Hast Mich as interpreted by a choir in Belgrade.
Reuse an Altoids tin without losing your masculinity.
The behaviors of state flags. (Sometimes state flags honor murderous severed limbs.)
North Dakota might not be a state.
Tornadoes rip through the south killing 200 people.
Instead of allowing a Gay-Straight Alliance to form, the Clovis School Board banned clubs.
Albuquerque Tortilla Company sold to Mission (!!!). ATC owners to move into barbecue.
Home prices as opera.
Is a Megadrought on its way?
Bed bugs in Burque.
Gathering of Nations events kickoff around the city tonight.
Prince Charles breakdancing.
Americans don't like princesses as much as they used to.
Some brits don't care about the wedding.
Oprah talks to Obama about his birth certificate.
Ancient medicines recovered from a shipwreck. (That sounds like a spam.)
Protest art of SB 1070.
I walked into my patient’s room, shaking slightly and perspiring liberally. In one hand I held a urinary catheter. In my other hand, a worn version of the King James Bible.
“Pray with me?” I asked my patient. He looked at me solemnly and nodded. I placed the Bible on the bed between us and reached for his hand. He closed his eyes and gripped my sweaty palm with surprising strength.
“Dear Lord,” I began, “in mere moments, I will be inserting a urinary catheter into this innocent man’s penis. I have never done this before, and I am praying that you will guide my hand with steady resolve. May this humble little catheter find its righteous path into my patient’s bladder, thus relieving him of his persistent and painful urinary retention. Amen.”
“Amen,” my patient echoed.
OK, that didn’t really happen. Here’s the real story: I walked into my patient’s room, shaking slightly and perspiring liberally. In one hand I held a urinary catheter. My other hand was empty.
“Mr. Patient, the doctor wants you to have a urinary catheter placed to help relieve your urinary retention. This will also give us an accurate measurement of your urine output.”
Mr. Patient eyed me suspiciously.
“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” he asked.
“Oh yes,” I lied through my teeth. “A million times.”
After opening the catheter kit and preparing all the various components, I lifted the man’s gown and located his penis. In case you’re unfamiliar with the term penis, it is used to refer to a semi-mythical organ that has eluded scientists and philosophers for centuries. But I, a brand new nurse only seconds out of nursing school, managed to find it all by myself.
“OK, I’m going to talk you through this,” I said to my patient. “First, you will feel my hand on your penis.”
The man snorted. “My lucky day,” he replied.
“Next,” I continued, pretending that I wasn’t flustered, “you’re going to feel some pressure at the opening of your penis.” It was at this point that I introduced the catheter, which I had coated with copious amounts of medical-grade KY lubricant, into his urethra. My patient winced.
“You’ll feel me advancing the catheter past your prostate,” I said. The man winced again and uttered some creative profanity when the catheter met resistance. The prostate, which nearly wraps around the urethra just below the bladder, can obstruct the urethra if it’s enlarged. Nearly all men have some prostate enlargement as they age.
I pointed my patient’s penis towards the ceiling and slowly lowered it as I tried to advance the catheter further. This maneuver sometimes allows the catheter to slip past. Aha! I was in luck. The catheter began to advance easily again, and soon the bag attached to it began to fill with urine. This is a sign that the catheter is indeed in the bladder, where it should be. Accurate placement of the catheter was confirmed by the man’s face, which filled with relief as the painful distention of his bladder began to ease.
“We got it!” I exclaimed, unable to hide my happiness at successfully inserting my very first urinary catheter into a penis. I secured the catheter in place and turned to the man, beaming.
The man raised his eyebrow.
“Judging by your excitement,” he said, “I’d say that it was better for you than it was for me.”
If you’re a man reading this story, you might have a horrified expression and a protective hand guarding your crotch right about now. Your penis wasn’t meant to be penetrated, right? In fact, quite the opposite. So how could my patient tolerate such a violation of his manhood? And why on earth would I write about it?
We all know that the penis is a timeless icon of human power and virility. A whole culture of male lore surrounds this famous appendage. It is the stuff of poetry, of architecture, of war and civilization, of life and death. The penis, in all of its symbolic might, is a fundamental feature of human existence. This is because of its vital role in sex, which is something I hear people like to do from time to time.
And yet, at the end of the day, when you’re old and fighting the inevitable physical decline of age, you’ll be reminded of that other penile function, the one that doesn’t involve the grit and glory of male sexuality. When you’re standing over the toilet, straining with that characteristic “stop and go” urinary hesitancy that so many men suffer, you’ll develop a greater appreciation for your little guy’s role in urination. You may even wake up one day and find that you’ve become more concerned with passing urine than with sex. And no one would blame you. Because, let’s face it, no man wants to have a trembling young nurse shove a rubber tube up his penis just so he can relieve his bladder.