The three-breasted-woman is actually just a two-breasted-woman. Which is at least 33% less amazing. Also, her name is not "Jasmine Tridevil." Because, come on.
The threat to expose Emma Watson’s supposed nude photos after her UN speech on feminism was also a hoax.
Living with humans screws up chimpanzees.
A new brewery is opening up in the “Brewery District.” Another one is getting ready for a 2015 start. This brings the total number of breweries in this up to city to “Really? That many?”
John Malkovich is Malkoviching up some famous photographs.
Another Bitcoin centered company gets shut down by the Man. This time just because they didn’t ship special bitcoin computers that they promised. And also because they ripped off their customers for at least $3 million. Why does the government hate freedom and innovation?
It’s Friday the 13th.
Al-Qaeda chief urges attacks on the US.
Bake your bacon in the oven the right way.
Low levels of gut bacteria may be linked to bitchiness and other disorders.
The Ig Nobel Prizes.
Roadkill: the ethical meat.
Monkeys think long and hard about bananas.
Grohl and Novoselic reminisce about Nirvana.
Fancy things are better. Right?
The New Mexico Supreme Court rules in favor of Pornotopia.
Happy birthday Barbara Bain.
Anti-American rallies across the Muslim world are now also targeting British and German embassies.
Romney comments on the anti-Muslim propaganda film that started it.
Obama is leading in the polls.
Romney defines middle income as $200,000 to $250,000.
The 1957 murder of a young girl solved.
Investigating accidental early releases in New Mexico's prison system.
A new monkey species was found.
In APS, 37 percent of juniors failed a high school exit exam.
U.S. reps go bipartisan in an effort to preserve Native American languages.
Local girl is the new face of Guess.
Loyal dog visits its master's grave every night.
Weather: Temps reach mid '70s today, and mid '80s by Sunday. Autumn is nigh.
The simian theme just does not quit at the Weekly Alibi, mostly thanks to longtime art director Tom Nayder’s fearless refusal to back down from the challenge of finding excuses to put his hairy best friends on the cover. (We have it on good authority that he does in fact harbor a chimp in his home.) Feast your eyes on 18 eye-gouging, monkey-riffic covers after the jump.
In other 100-year-anniversary news, the Girl Scouts introduce a new cookie. Unfortunately, it’s lemon flavored.
25 dead in Damascus bombing.
Police say Johnny Tapia crashed his SUV into a median on Paseo.
Economy on the upswing with 200,000 jobs added in December.
Orange County police say serial killer is stalking the homeless, has already killed three.
Cops say naked pro skateboarder was on PCP when he went apeshit in an NYC hotel.
Car theft goes awry when vehicle hits a rock and propels onto a roof.
Police say a Navy SEAL accidentally put a bullet in his head.
Dog finds its way back to family four days after owner dies in avalanche while skiing.
Tiger Woods’ ex buys $12 million home, bulldozes it.
Sensitive fire alarms may be the reason for unnecessary Pit evacuations.
Wisconsin man arrested after taking an 80-mile “test drive.”
Cat stew kills Chinese billionaire.
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel got engaged. God, is Justin Timberlake cool.
Which one of these arrested prostitutes offered sex for beer?
Documentary about the 1960's monkey head transplant experiments.
Excellent Washington Post column reminds us how the financial crisis happened.
There are two kinds of Occupy protesters in this world.
1981 termination documentary: After The Axe.
It's always fun to watch the Sex Pistols nearly get killed playing No Fun in Texas!
Rio Rancho police are cracking down on tailgaters.
Police arrest La Familia cartel boss.
UNM scientists prove that men are funnier than women.
Stephen Colbert finds the one Republican candidate who can beat Obama.
Sarah Palin quits her bus tour halfway through.
Watch out for the TSA Mobile Groping Squads.
The Supreme Court will review the patentability of medical diagnostic tests.
Man arrested after IRS accidently deposits $110,000 into his bank account.
Wimbledon officials wants female tennis players to stop grunting so loudly.
Iran wants to send a monkey into space.
Bronies are real, and they're in Albuquerque.
Coming soon to a restaurant near you: horse-semen shots.
This giant chicken-deboning machine is terrifying, awesome.
Man ships himself across country in a crate equipped to play a MMO as part of an art project.
Oh yeah, they remade Footloose.
New iPhone rumor #32.
Pray for a Destiny's Child reunion.
The seven types of friends everyone needs.
Take a good look at this monkey. This may be the last time you will ever see him.
His filename mentions he’s more than just a monkey; he’s a skating monkey, though I see no skates. This makes me think that many years ago he was torn from some larger and older artwork, but to tell the truth, I don’t know his full story.
I only know he was last saved on July 6th 2003 and since then, has occasionally filled in whenever someone needed an arbitrary Alibi-branded image but didn’t want to bother the art department. For the last couple years, he has served as a default OGP image for Alibi stories or blogs which otherwise lack an image.
Today he retires from that job, handing over the reigns to a more professional and well-groomed Alibi representative, which I hope will be less distressing to readers. You see, there’s a problem with monkeys. Though he may appear innocent and happy, I think we can all agree that monkeys symbolize many evils (which the monkeys pretend to neither hear, see nor speak of):
1) Racism. You know that whenever white people mention monkeys, it’s really code for darker skinned people, don’t you?
2) People's callous disregard for the suffering of animal test subjects at the hands of the cosmetics and aerospace industries. Whenever someone uses monkey imagery, that’s practically advocacy for consuming more mascara and weather satellite photos, whatever the cost to our innocent Gaia-mates.
3) Science’s rejection of the special status humanity once enjoyed, prior to 1859 when a godless communist suggested that life could be shaped by processes which could be understood, like everything else in the world.
4) Perhaps this is just my own personal monkey-demon, but some friends once used to “point” a small stuffed gorilla toy (gorillas aren’t monkeys, but let’s not split hairs), such that its sideway stare was directed specifically at me. The monkey was watching me. I hated it. No matter how intimidatingly I stared back, it wouldn’t flinch. If my friends ever left the room, I would grab the monkey and hide it, in order to escape its relentless gaze.
5) Tell us your complaint about monkeys. Hey, we all know they’re bad, but exactly how? Monkeys are just like bananas, in that their imagery always means more though we pretend they’re merely themselves. Let’s just cut through the bullshit right away, and get down to how monkeys bother you.
Some conservatives want congressmen to keep their day jobs.
Government needs help spotting balding eagles at Abiquiu Lake this winter.
The (fire) Pit not up to code, may close.
Santa Fe lady sues neighbors over Cottonwoods blocking her views.
Local guitar maker Lorenzo Pimentel dies at 82.
Finger proportion indicates cancer risk in men, study finds.
How urban monkeys avoid death by cat.
Elton John gives birth to a baby honky cat named Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John.
Saints defeat dirty birds. Who dat?!
Weather: Rain tomorrow, snow Thursday.
The Barefoot Bandit is captured.
Is the Taliban training monkeys to shoot Americans?
Three bombs in Uganda killed 74 people.
BP says they’re close to capping the oil spill.
The story of humans turning into goats turned out to be a hoax.
Has King Arthur’s Round Table been found?
The Oregon Bigfoot Blog strives to show you the face of Enoch.
Porn sites might get .xxx on the web.
Suspects in a 100 mph chase on I-40 are on the loose.
Rio Rancho is one of the top 100 small towns.
Free baby bunnies exist in Albuquerque.
New Mexico now has 11 medical marijuana dispensaries.
It’s Richard Simmons’ birthday. If he’s told you once, he’s told you a thousand times.