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V.25 No.17 | 04/28/2016

The Daily Word in Climate, Opioids and Hover Bikes

The Daily Word

Now that you've got a break between semesters, you finally have some time to build yourself a hover bike like this guy.

A favorite food truck is moving indoors.

The rate of opioid overdoses is called a state of emergency by county commissioners.

The handling of police shootings are put in the spotlight for Santa Fe's DA race.

Our state climatologist talks about the climate trends in our state.

We are 6th most quickly warming state. Not that our Governor or Legislature cares.

The DOJ released the findings from its investigations of UNM's handling of sexual assualt cases.

The Daily Word in Republicans, Harry Potter and Vaginas

The Daily Word

uz tha debil” –John Boehner to Ted Cruz

I really enjoy Tina Fey but I don't understand how people can just call her perfect when she relies on socially acceptable racism so much.

And this is exactly why, out of all the Harry Potter films, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince is my favorite.

Kesha is recording again!

The next Vice President could be Tom Perez.

VAGINA, VAGINA, VAGINA!

Another Doctors Without Borders hospital has been attacked.

This ancient treat fucks eeeeeverything up.

Former House Speaker and life-long sex offender Dennis Hastert has been sentenced to just 15 months in prison.

V.25 No.15 | 04/14/2016

The Daily Word in Animals, Science and Exploiting Teen Girls

The Daily Word

So a cop got basically no punishment for following an unarmed man and shooting him dead.

Could this simple solution really help end sexual assault on American campuses?

Bernie Bros come in all sizes and varieties. Fantastic.

Animals don't give a fuck about you and your nonsense.

In a survey of over 1,000 people, researchers were able to confirm something everyone already knew. What a good way to spend time and money.

Have you ever been so infatuated with someone that you didn't notice a crime happening right in front of you?

“I’m 28. I make $4 million a year. What do you do?” yells the man-child douche-bag, David Brackett.

Some horrible young men in town have been caught exploiting teen girls.

The Daily Word

So a cop got basically no punishment for following an unarmed man and shooting him dead.

Could this simple solution really help end sexual assault on American campuses?

Bernie Bros come in all sizes and varieties. Fantastic.

Animals don't give a fuck about you and your nonsense.

In a survey of over 1,000 people, researchers were able to confirm something everyone already knew. What a good way to spend time and money.

Have you ever been so infatuated with someone that you didn't notice a crime happening right in front of you?

“I’m 28. I make $4 million a year. What do you do?” yells the man-child douche-bag, David Brackett.

Some horrible young men in town have been caught exploiting teen girls.

V.25 No.14 | 04/07/2016
via compfight

Event Horizon

¡Ay, caramba!

Saturday, Apr 16: Fiestas de Albuquerque

Enjoy the history and traditions of Albuquerque with live entertainment, artists, food, shopping, and free children's activities.
V.25 No.11 | 03/17/2016

The Daily Word in War Crimes, Education and Walter White

The Daily Word

Women taking care of other women gives me hope (and also makes me continuously angry because we need to do this but WHATEVER).

It’s a witchy world for us ladies, amirite?

Invisibility cloaks (ya know, like from Harry Potter) may be available for war crimes soon! Wow!

Michelle Obama’s speech about girls’ education around the world is perfect.

We should have known Walter White left Gray Matter for a stupid reason (because he’s a dumb awful idiot).

Oliva Wilde was too old to play Leo D.’s wife in Wolf of Wall Street. He was 38 and she was 28.

Have you heard of these vigilante pedophile hunters?

We should have known that '90s boybands would save the world.

V.25 No.10 | 03/10/2016

The Daily Word in ISIS exposed, Furry Conventions and "Stolen" Guns

The Daily Word

What’s up, ISIS?

A running list of all the racist things that have happened at Voldemort Rallies.

“Honey, where’d you put my revolver?” “I didn’t touch it; you probably left in your drawer.” “I’m looking in my drawer right now and I don’t see it.” We’ve all been there, right?

Al Jazeera America is closing?!

Well, break my heart into a million pieces and then repair it with a snap of your fingers (kinda).

So if you don’t have cable or internet at home, like me, here’s a list of the things you missed at the Democratic Debate last night.

Who could have guessed that women would try to continue to have abortions despite more preventive laws?

There was a Furry convention at a hotel where Syrian refugees are staying in Vancouver and it’s actually really cute what happened.

V.25 No.7 | 02/18/2016

News

The Daily Word in Dianna Duran, Cannabis and the Nations Kindest City

The Daily Word

Somehow Albuquerque was ranked the Nation's Kindest City. Oh, we were in contention with Detroit. I guess that's how.

"Cheesecake Factory expects strong NM debut," because, you know, that's obviously news.

A tiny home community named "Storybrook" is going to pop up soon. Look for the next season of Once Upon A Time to take place in a new, desert-y setting.

Governor Martinez implies credit for legislation happening.

Your out-of-state relatives should be happy to know about the projected increase of availability for pinon flavored coffee.


"Blah, blah, blah, Diane Duran, blah, blah, light sentencing" says attorney.


NM lawmakers find another way to blow it.

V.25 No.6 | 02/11/2016

The Daily Word in Racism, Periods and Linguistics

The Daily Word

Morgan Stanley has to pay 3.2 billion for their involvement to the mortgage crisis.

“We’re all Africans,” says the rich white lady speaking to other rich white people.

The casual and cool NASA Administrator Charles Bolden talks about Mars and how he had to plead to get into the naval academy.

This one goes out to all my word-nerds.

No, Uber and Lyft are totally legal now!

Justice may exist in the US, starting with Ferguson.

Because bleeding out the hoohah is SUPER luxurious.

The City of Cleveland just told Tamir Rice’s family that they have to pay for the emergency medical services he required after being shot because why stop their trauma after killing their child?!

V.25 No.5 | 02/04/2016
compfight.com

Cutting a Budget from 1.2% to 19%?

Well, that escalated quickly.

Soon there may be a deep budget cut for Behavioral Health Services, an $8 million cut. Governor Martinez wants a 1.2% cut but the Legislature wants to cut 19% of the Behavioral Health Services budget. You read that right: 19%. Martinez has previously stated that she wants more money going towards Behavioral Health Services, though she could have been referencing that in regards to children’s services.

What about in 2013 when Martinez’ office accused 15 behavioral health providers of fraud? Because of these investigations, some of these providers had to close. Around that time in 2013, 85% of Medicaid customers in the state went to these providers. And guess what? 13 out of 15 were cleared of any wrong-doing today.

The Legislature wants to shift most of the costs over to Medicaid, but it’s been noted that that definitely won’t cover training police/response teams that deal mainly with people behavioral health issues and substance abuse issues. This will also affect 25 programs and over 20,000 people in the state. This would especially affect Rio Arriba County which has been getting $500,000/year for the last 5 years. Rio Arriba has one of the highest heroin overdose rates in the US; 10 times more than the national average.

How can New Mexicans dealing with behavioral health issues, particularly with substance abuse issues, get help without the necessary resources? When essential health programs are cut back or taken away, the problem doesn't go away, it gets worse. If you’re disturbed by this issue like I am, here’s a resource for you so you can email your legislators, senators, representatives, governor and other local officials.

Let’s do better, New Mexico.

V.25 No.4 | 01/28/2016
Wikimedia Commons

News

Trump Fails in Iowa

Clinton/Sanders Race Too Close To Call

The results are in.

Vote for Education

If you’re a registered voter living in the Albuquerque area (particularly if you’re in the APS district), tomorrow is an important day! A vote regarding educational bonds affecting APS, CNM and local charter schools is taking place. This could increase CNM’s capital mill levy $1 million (they haven’t gotten an increase since 1996) and APS and charter schools' capital mill levy to $575 million. Capital mill levy means the money would go towards construction, renovations, operating expenses, etc. And guess what! This won’t increase taxes!!! Whaaaaat!

So stop complaining about having to do shit and help out your local community and economy by voting! Look to see where the nearest voting center is here and if you have any more doubts, watch these videos. See y’all at the polls!

V.24 No.45 | 11/05/2015

News

The Daily Word in the Feds, football and propulsion systems that defy physics

The Daily Word

Federal investigators are interested in goings-on within Governor Susana Martinez' administration.

South by Southwest, Austin's yearly alternative music event, is the best way to see a year's worth of live music in a long weekend. Hint: it's not too late to find a Southwest flight to Austin and the hotels haven't sold out, yet.

The Lobo Football squad held off a fourth quarter field goal attempt to beat Utah State 14-13 at University Stadium on Saturday afternoon.

Wapo's teevee critic Hank Stuever laments the Donald's appearance on SNL.

The NM Environment Department will begin coordinating clean up efforts of a downtown Albuquerque toxic waste spill discovered in the 1990s.

NASA's Eagleworks Laboratories continues to test the controversial EmDrive.

Deerhoof plays at Sister tonight, yo.

V.24 No.43 | 10/22/2015
Like child-Megan, this thing has no idea what's going on

Fame ft. Megan

Last Friday, I had just arrived at work and my supervisor Ty told me to follow him to “a thing” (he was very specific). I grabbed my water bottle and went with him. I thought maybe a meeting was happening and I just didn't see the email, but we went to the lobby and there was a photographer there. Then they started talking about beer and I got excited—free beer is my favorite kind (unless it's not craft, then keep your dirt juice away from me)!

Fate had other plans. Instead I was going to be interviewed with Ty about new breweries in town which meant no free beer. We went outside and stood in front of the office and as the photographer set up, I noticed a chill in the wind and remembered the one other time I've knowingly been on the news 12 years prior.

I was ten, my Mom brought me to a community gathering. It was about a sex offender that was moving to a place near our home. It was intense but I didn't listen to any of it. I likely sat on her lap the entire time wishing I was home. I was uncomfortable being in a school after hours and the place was packed. I didn't understand why we were there. There wasn't anything more to learn about the man or the situation that hadn’t been reported on television. I knew the guy was bad, but it's not like anyone could stop him from moving there.

After the meeting, when everyone was eating snacks, my Mom was interviewed by a local news station. Since I was with her—she was my ride, after all—I stayed by her side during. I remember at the end of her interview, the reporter asked me a couple questions not pertaining to the event (in retrospect, maybe it did a little) like where I went to school and what I liked to learn about. I think he poked my belly but maybe I'm imagining that. I've never really enjoyed being the center of attention unless I’m making a joke (or I’m waiting for a bartender).

The following day at school I remember kids (popular kids!) telling me they saw me on the news and that I looked good, all of which was foreign to 10-year-old Megan. I was on cloud nine. I felt famous. During the interview with Ty, I couldn't tell if I was in the shot so I slowly tried to edge my way out of it. I didn't say anything till the cameraman/reporter said I had been quiet and asked if I had anything to add. I did have a few words, and they misquoted me in the write-up. No one talked to me about it afterwards, but that's fine, because you're reading about it now and that's all the fame I need.

V.24 No.42 | 10/15/2015

news

The News You Missed

Important information from the e-mail archive

Sad to say, we here at the Alibi aren’t omniscient. In fact, we can barely even keep up with the press releases that appear in our email inboxes, let alone the doings of all sources of knowledge and information in the universe.

Recently, we decided to stop trying to be omniscient. And then, right after that, we decided to stop trying to keep up with our email in-boxes.

BUT there are still some press releases that get sent to us which for whatever reason we can't fit into the print edition of the paper, but still might be interesting to our readers.

So, here it is, the inaugural roundup of The News You Missed, where the Alibi rescues important press release headlines from the dustbin history.

'Fave Vegan Powders' Award Winner 2015

This headline pretty much sums up why I am not a vegan. But if you're a vegan who loves powder, this is relevant to your interests!

Lead Safety Week is coming; Are you ready?

Are you Alibi readers aware of how to behave safely around lead?

Rule #1: Don't eat lead.

Rule #2: Don’t feed it to your baby.

Rule #3: Just leave lead alone. Because you may be tempted to eat it or feed it to your baby.

In conclusion, fuck lead.

Tailgating Story: Throw a Pizza on the Grill

Unfortunately, I can't find a website with this important press release on it, but rest assured that throwing a pizza on a grill is a thing you can do, and a publicist out there thinks it would make a great story.

And finally,

Guinness World Record Event Turned "Big Apple" into "Big Tomato”

Sorry, New York, but this happened and there’s nothing anybody can do about it now.

There it is, the News You Missed, gathered up into one convenient blog package so that you, our beloved readers, may now go about the rest of your life as a slightly more informed member of the public. You're welcome.

Check back next Friday for more News You Missed!

Join our mailing list for exclusive info, the week's events and free stuff!
 

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    tartar control and more
    tartar control and more7.20.2016