Sad to say, we here at the Alibi aren’t omniscient. In fact, we can barely even keep up with the press releases that appear in our email inboxes, let alone the doings of all sources of knowledge and information in the universe.
Recently, we decided to stop trying to be omniscient. And then, right after that, we decided to stop trying to keep up with our email in-boxes.
BUT there are still some press releases that get sent to us which for whatever reason we can't fit into the print edition of the paper, but still might be interesting to our readers.
So, here it is, the inaugural roundup of The News You Missed, where the Alibi rescues important press release headlines from the dustbin history.
This headline pretty much sums up why I am not a vegan. But if you're a vegan who loves powder, this is relevant to your interests!
Are you Alibi readers aware of how to behave safely around lead?
Rule #1: Don't eat lead.
Rule #2: Don’t feed it to your baby.
Rule #3: Just leave lead alone. Because you may be tempted to eat it or feed it to your baby.
In conclusion, fuck lead.
Tailgating Story: Throw a Pizza on the Grill
Unfortunately, I can't find a website with this important press release on it, but rest assured that throwing a pizza on a grill is a thing you can do, and a publicist out there thinks it would make a great story.
Sorry, New York, but this happened and there’s nothing anybody can do about it now.
There it is, the News You Missed, gathered up into one convenient blog package so that you, our beloved readers, may now go about the rest of your life as a slightly more informed member of the public. You're welcome.
Check back next Friday for more News You Missed!
Your favorite cartoon about a metal band needs your help to end.
Indigenous Peoples Day became an official thing in Albuquerque.
The new season of American Horror Story is making headlines, be they good or bad.
A local woman claims to know of a bomb at Winrock last night.
Slime in apple juice makes some people exited about aliens.
Country-turned-pop singer Taylor Swift is facing very little piracy. Why aren't you stealing her stuff?
Gay people are allowed to do things in Indiana once more.
It costs more, but you'll pay it gladly. Netflix ups their price by one whole US dollar.
A Burque family is rescued by their wonderful dog.
Ain’t no fun (If my generals can’t have none)
Motion by hand.
Satan Solutions, pushing your company DOWN.
The ills of media parenting.
Damn, that’s a sexy treat.
Don’t get “high-jacked.”
In money we trust (people to make art with it)
Space birds eye view.
The Phantom Pain.
A couple 8balls for my sweetie.
Hay! Slow Down!
black holes 2: electric boogaloo.
Never trust a city to do the people’s job
To save a skunk
STAND UP FOR FLAMETHROWER RIGHTS!
Siri saves lives
People in a crowd
The worlds weirdest book
School to Prison Pipeline
He who controls the present, controls the past
The wrong side of history
How to be an EXPERT! (w/ Neil deGrasse Tyson)
Behind the Logo
Art, Taking OVER your town squares
Cyclone of Bullshit
Explosions in Tianjin.
Carry on my Wayward Gwar. (r.i.p. dave brockie)
Art is nature.
TWA Flight 260 Crash Site. (Shit I never knew existed here)
One brush equation at a time...
Where the colors live.
I get nervous when you watch.
To measure a star.
Holy Post-Its, Batman!
A new Solar System.
Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The Science of Ghosts.
look ma! we're on TV! again.
xenomorph takes russia.
insert obligatory breaking bad albuquerque news here.
to be, or not to be on the lam.
freedom of expression.
There's no other news today other than
Major high five, Supreme Court!
Let's celebrate and take in this incredibly important moment in our history!