I’m in the pet department of a store with my backpack. I’m trying to avoid one of the employees an isle over while acting inconspicuous. I head to the isle he is in and looking over a low palette of fish tanks I no longer see him. Looking around, I can see out of the corner of my eye that he has gone down an adjoining isle and is now behind me. I take note of a four legged fish, approximately the size of a monitor lizard with a combined shape of a lizard, fish and small dog. It’s striped like a zebra and has brightly colored fringe around it’s gills, running from the top of its head down its back, and on its elbows and the back of its knees. I continue to try to remain inconspicuous as I leave the area into the rest of the store. Outside I’m with a group of friends who are trying to buy some weed. It turns out to be a police sting. I know I don’t have anything on me so I’m not particularly worried, but I duck behind a car just to double check that I haven’t inadvertently left something in my backpack. Going through it I find a crown royal bag that has a small container about the size of lip balm in it. Just as I discover it I realize the cops have taken notice of me and ditch it just in case. One of them goes through my backpack and pulls out my check book. In the check book I’ve written in chalk some notes about buying from Corsair and the price. He takes this to be information of a drug deal despite my attempts to explain that Corsair is a brand of RAM. The guy is being a huge dick. I begin to argue with him and mouth off “Fuck you, I’ll see you in court.” I make a joke to my friend, L, who's a really big dude, about how maybe we should just kick their asses and get out of there. The joke is particularly funny because the cop dealing with him is about twice L's size. The cop is black and his teeth are small and widely spaced, like a puppy's. The big cop says “huh?” so I ask him if it’s okay for me to be extremely candid before I tell him the joke.
So a cop got basically no punishment for following an unarmed man and shooting him dead.
Could this simple solution really help end sexual assault on American campuses?
Bernie Bros come in all sizes and varieties. Fantastic.
Animals don't give a fuck about you and your nonsense.
In a survey of over 1,000 people, researchers were able to confirm something everyone already knew. What a good way to spend time and money.
Have you ever been so infatuated with someone that you didn't notice a crime happening right in front of you?
“I’m 28. I make $4 million a year. What do you do?” yells the man-child douche-bag, David Brackett.
Some horrible young men in town have been caught exploiting teen girls.
You may have seen the lovely Iota on the cover of the recent Pets edition of the Alibi. She is the constant sweet and tiny presence around the office. But today, we have another petite friend hanging around.
She belongs to my friend Dee, but on the occasional Tuesday instead of going to puppy daycare, she makes the trek down Central to hang out with me at the Alibi.
Spending time with dogs has been known to have positive impact on the stress levels of students and drunk people seem to love them. But there is also evidence to suggest that dogs in the workplace have a positive impact on overall morale.
Thus far, I would say that productivity levels here have suffered, but overall mood has seen a general lift. Also there has been significantly more time spent at floor level by the editorial and production staff. This carpet is pretty nice.
As an aside, I also have the opportunity to converse with so many more of my fellow pedestrians downtown when I have a puppy in tow. Everyone wants to know her name, everyone wants to know if they can pet her. And she, honestly, invites it, even when I would prefer she didn't.
In a single bound, she leaped over an abandoned crutch on the corner of Broadway; she fearlessly investigated the once-white towel in the alley; she makes nearly everyone who walks in the door smile. If only we could all be as intrepid and charming as Simone.
The Weekly Alibi's Podcast is Back! and brand spanking NEW! and now (permanently) weekly. Your new hosts Courtney Foster and Robert Maestas are ready to take you on an journey of local splendor with a new exciting guest from around Albuquerque each week! This week, they sit down with Ian Jarrell of Russian Girlfriends and discuss pets, ice cream and the age old question "what exactly is fake deal art?" So lace up your shoes and don't forget to grab a poop bag, because the new weekly alibi podcast, is certainly the shit.