I meet my pal E on a downtown street. He starts to tell me a long story about seeing me in my truck. According to him, I was waiting at a light for J, who stuttered as a child, to cross the street. I finally grew to impatient and raced through the intersection, causing all my bottles of prescription drugs to bounce off my rear bumper into the street.
The session adjourned at noon, and two measures that aimed to curb New Mexico’s high pharmy-abuse rates didn’t make it. Margaret Wright wrote an article for the Alibi about the measures. One aimed to tighten restrictions on opioid prescriptions. Another attempted to create a better tracking system for prescription misuse.
Medical associations bucked the legislation, saying it could discourage physicians from giving pain medications to people who need them.
Advocates argued the changes were needed because New Mexico leads the nation in rates of overdose deaths.
Massive earthquake strikes Japan, sets off tsunami.
California surfers waited in water for tsunami.
Columbus mayor, police chief due in federal court today.
Woman goes to court with monkey in bra.
Police raid Charlie Sheen’s house.
Clovis mom arrested for lettting kids ditch school.
Man gets lesser charge for letting woman cook to death in trunk of his car.
Doctor who was raided by feds sits on anti drug committee.
Former Lobo football player arrested for allegedly having sex with student at high school where he works.
Seven foot waves hit Hawaii.
In an attempt to rein in expenses after the unfortunate loss of my job, (I believe it was captured by hack pirates in choppy waters off of the Rio Abajo.) I switched medications.
The pill I usually take to fend off unpleasant thoughts regarding the amount of perceived bodily fluids in my Hot Pockets doesn’t work well anyway and costs $120 a bottle without insurance.
My sanity is not worth that much, so I began dating the older sister of my usual pill, a bargain at four dollars a bottle. The new pill made me feel both tired and nervous, two unpleasant sensations now available at the same time.
I tried cutting the pills in half and now seem to be half as nervous and 63 percent less tired (this amount of self analysis is exhausting, by the way.) The only problem: being too tired to think did prevent any invasive thoughts about theoretical fluids being present in frozen foods or condiments. That’s back. Yay.
If only I could start smoking again. I never had any of these problems when I sucked down 33 Marlboros a day. My clothes had holes burned all over them and there was that pesky lesion in the back of my throat, but no fluids.
Smoking is not an option, however. At seven dollars per pack, two packs a day, I would have to resort to petty theft to get my smoke on. This would undoubtedly lead to prison, where they would give me the generic sister of my crazy pills. The net result would be the same except the fluids in the food would be quite real.