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The Daily Word in $1 million buyouts, voyeuristic waiters and Wounded Knee for sale

Everybody's favorite coach, Steve Alford, is contesting his 1 million dollar buyout, causing New Mexicans to love him even more.

Chama River has great beer, but at least one dirtbag employee.

The city shut down a Central motel for all the usual squalorous reasons. Which is maybe a good thing. But it does mean that the residents are out on the street. Which is definitely a bad thing.

As I said last week: the Elvis impersonator is innocent. It was the evil martial arts instructor all along. Because of the fake Mensa Certificate, you see. It all makes sense!

IBM released a new movie! The paparazzi is going to have to squint really hard to find the actors, though.

Beautiful land in South Dakota for sale! Rolling hills, historic structures, angry Oglala Sioux. Oh, it's the site of the Wounded Knee Massacre. But don't you think it would make a beautiful spa?

And hey, if you're like me, right about now you're probably wondering "What if someday I have to land an airplane but I'm not a pilot?" Never fear. The Daily Word has your back.

news

The Daily Word in more minimum wage increases, horse murders and George R.R. Martin's new movie theater

Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin just bought the Jean Cocteau theater in Santa Fe. “I’ve always loved movies and I’ve always loved old theaters,” he said, as naked prostitutes writhed around him in a way that didn't really seem to advance the plot.

Despite the opposition of the Obama administration, the wrath of PETA and a voicemail in-box full of death threats, Valley Meat Co. in Roswell is one step closer to slaughtering horses.

Bernalillo County voted to pass its own minimum wage increase. Route 66 Malt Shop co-owner Eric Szeman spoke against it. Because nobody's sick of that guy yet.

It turns out the Elvis impersonator did not, in fact, mail ricin laced letters to the President. Suspicions now fall on his nemesis, the evil martial arts instructor, Master Dutschke. Somehow, this is real.

The Post Office is super mad at Lance Armstrong.

Swedish llamas protect sheep from wolves.

And, as always, when it comes to big news, remember to look for a second source.

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