“What were you thinking?”
“Why a sex issue?”
Before Tuesday, I've never had so many people interested in my thoughts. The idea for an issue based on sex and sexuality first came up in Sept. 2012. The CNM Chronicle managing editor at the time and I had been kicking around all sorts of ideas for a special edition; when I suggested sex and sexuality, we immediately agreed.
The very first article we had decided on was the center spread. “A Rainbow of Sexuality” was something that was very important to me and I knew that no matter what else went into that edition, a round table interview would be the centerpiece.
Every week after, I would tell the writers to come up with ideas and keep a running list of things they thought might be interesting. Just before spring break, we selected the articles that would go into the issue. Everyone on the staff contributed something to the creation of this issue. It mattered to them as much as it mattered to me.
So why do it?
Because we do not talk about sex openly. Sex, sexuality, gender identity and masturbation: these are not dirty words. It is not wrong to talk about these concepts and practices. People have sex. Our parents did it, we do it and, one day, our kids will do it, too. Not talking about these things puts people at risk, not just for pregnancy and STD/STIs, but for abusive relationships, misguided decisions and self-loathing.
From the beginning, my goal was to educate. I wanted to honestly discuss topics that were relevant to the times. Suicide rates among LGBT teens have skyrocketed. The Boy Scouts of America are being boycotted for kicking out gay members. The Girl Scouts of the USA are being boycotted for allowing transgendered children to join. E.L. James’ “50 Shades” trilogy has sold millions of copies and will soon be a adapted into a movie, all while giving a drastically incomplete and sensationalized view of the BDSM community. Realistically, we are an office of 13 people who write for an audience of 30,000. We cannot change the world, but we had the opportunity and an obligation to inform our readers and if even a single person walked away better informed about sex and sexuality, then we made a difference.
We expected disagreement. I learned when I first began working for the Chronicle that pleasing everyone all at once is the sort of goal that will drive a person crazy. I wanted feedback, especially from those who disagreed. I wanted to have open discussions about what others thought was right, wrong or just plain left out. Those comments are what will allow me to do my job better next time.
I thought others would be open to that, too. I believed that I and my staff would be respected as journalists and adults and that those who were offended or upset by the issue would talk to us, as has always been the case in the past. But then, I have always been a bit of an idealist. The up-side to this whole affair is that our issue reached more readers than we expected.
People throughout the nation, and even on other continents, have read all about sex and sexuality. Some of those people may have been offended or disturbed, and that's okay; it is not mandatory to agree with newspapers, but we can be sure now that we reached and educated at least one person.
Just in time for Valentine’s Day, the graphgasmographical data stream comes to a drippy end. Some things I learned about Burqueños: The vast majority have made out with strangers, yet haven’t caught a sexually-transmitted disease. Hmm. They also wouldn’t be caught dead smoking after sex. No surprise there, seeing how high “bad breath” scored on the turn-offs list. There’s a statistical dead heat on the importance of penis size and on having fooled around with a co-worker—so you may as well just flip a coin. The pro-anal-sex camp outnumbers the “once” or “never” camp by a healthy margin. But, more romantically, most people are not interested in an open relationship and would stick with their current partner for that one-last-shtup before the world ends—and furthermore, most have kept friendly with their ex-
So what does that say about Albuquerque? Promiscuous yet hygienic? Faithful yet forgiving? Free-thinking yet conservative? Who the hell knows? I’m just glad you’re all out there keeping things sexy for the rest of us. Let’s do it again sometime.
Governor Martinez is backing a bill that would require background checks for gun show purchases.
There is a public information meeting about the Paseo Del Norte/I-25 project.
How Arnold Schwarzenegger enjoyed Carnaval.
There was an emergency alert issued in Montana yesterday.
Things are getting less salty.
The thigh gap.
Did North Korea just blow up a nuclear bomb?
The fugitive LAPD cop may have gotten out of the country.
This installment tells us many things: Those who are satisfied are the largest voting bloc, but those who aren’t outnumber them. Sharing sex fantasies is more popular than not sharing them. A lot of people have experimented with an alternate gender sex partner, but most haven’t. Cybersex is way too out there for most Burqueños—we prefer phone sex even though it’s not 1995 anymore. And talking dirty is near-universally accepted as the lingua franca of the bedroom. In fact, it may be what binds us together as a race.
On a related note, when the term “Burqueños” is used, we really mean “the 1,405 people who took all or part of our survey, 486 of whom are 22-30 years old and most of whom (969) are under 40.” In case that wasn’t obvious, I mean.
Welcome back to the unscientific sharing of self-reported sexual proclivities of Albuquerque residents. This stuff is straight out of the SurveyMonkey data banks (you can also blame them for the cheesy infographic look), so I don’t want to hear any more complaints about histograms, telegrams or candygrams. This is as scientific as it’s gonna get.
The main take-aways here? Alibi readers do it frequently, probably more often than they floss their teeth. They do it together and they do it alone. They have no fear of employing power tools or other prosthetic devices, and they “sometimes” like to mix it up with booze and illicit substances. In other words, this town is one big sex party. Here’s the proof:
Well, I coulda called it. In fact, I did call it: The hate mail has already started to pour in from pissed-off statisticians who found the (ahem) science of the Alibi’s First Ever Sex Survey to be somewhat slipshod. One guy even took issue with the “missing interval” in our when-
Here’s the truth: We used the WRONG NUMBERS for the virginity/age graph. They were actually the numbers from the “how old are you” demographic question, hence the failure of the graph to “correlate with the discussion.” So in the end, it’s not a question of missing intervals and histowhatsits, it is instead a question of being a fuckup.
In the interest of both science and setting the record straight, here now is the RIGHT GRAPH—both a legible one with low-scoring answers omitted (a practice applied to pretty much all the graphs we ran) and an ALMOST ILLEGIBLE one with ALL THE DATA (including such spurious answers as “0” and “1”). Happy? I hope so. More sexy graphs to come. Stay tuned.
Nearly 1,500 people responded to our survey. Who were these people? Let's consult the pie charts.
What did we learn? I'll leave that to our panel of experts.
The results are in, and it comes as no surprise that the Duke is one kinky city. The purpose of sex has evolved for many into a recreational activity, rather than a species-perpetuating endeavor. Note that, of the 800+ answers, not a single response included “procreation.” Instead, we see a varied, colorful list of hedonistic sensory indulgences, elaborate fantasies, yearnings for specific body parts, items of clothing, bodily fluids, and appetites for complicated sex acts that would challenge even the most adept multi-tasker.
While reviewing the results from the Alibi's first sex survey, I was delighted to see that many of our neighbors play very well with others. Within the confines of relationships and randomness of delightful happenstance, friends are hooking up with friends, couples with couples and sometimes just inviting others to watch. In addition to these delightful tromps into the land of non-monogamy, my heart was warmed by the dozens of contributions that gush about partners, husbands, wives and every combination therein.
I once heard it said from a very wise man in the restaurant industry that "men go where the women are—and women go where the bathrooms are clean."
Call it “The List,” call it a “hall pass,” slap whatever name on it you like: Even the most committed couples can make concessions for their partners sleeping with other people. So long as those other people are celebrities. The thinking is twofold. Firstly, long-term relationship or not, you’d be a fool to pass up an opportunity to manhandle People Magazine's “Sexiest Man Alive.” Secondly, your odds of meeting, seducing and actually closing the deal with a famous person are slim-to-none—so what’s the harm in a little fantasy fling?
Curious about consensual non-monogamy? Well, you've come to the right place. In a world where there is open communication and negotiation no one has to cheat, and the likelihood of having your needs met (and even your fantasies and desires) is very high. We're going to cover the basics, and if that whets your appetite or peaks your interest, we'll include some easy ways to find out more.