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V.20 No.38 |

NEWS

The Daily Word in neutrino jokes, marijuana law and SPAM

Brought to you by the letter G.

The Daily Word

Borders employees leave a list of grievances.

Saudi women will get the vote in 2015. Maybe they will vote to change the law preventing them from driving.

A woman was decapitated by the Zeta gang in Mexico for posting comments on facebook about the Zetas.

Faster-than-light-neutrino jokes (scroll down to the comments for more.)

Read this excellent Santa Fe New Mexican overview of how the NM Medical Marijuana program is faring.

Part of this woman's job was to prevent people from doing anything illegal on Cook County Forest Preserve land....

Canada's Conservative government is likely to pass minimum sentencing laws for marijuana cultivation.

Two articles on former U.S. allies, "the Sopranos of Afghanistan," "goodness personified," the Haqqani clan of Afghanistan.

Sesame Street's "G" is better than post season one "Glee."

Pyramiden, Soviet ghost town.

Check out the SPAM Museum. AND the gift shop. AND this recipe for what should have been called "spamosas."

V.20 No.8 | 2/24/2011

Timewaster

I received an important message from Brose Lachian in my spam trap.

Brose writes, in pertinent part:

When the cocker spaniel daydreams, a recliner toward a dust bunny self-flagellates. A satellite for a fruit cake ridiculously writes a love letter to a girl scout from the burglar. Indeed, a wedge about a tuba player makes a truce with a movie theater. Sometimes a worldly pig pen sweeps the floor, but the diskette behind the formless void always tries to seduce a moldy fairy! A linguistic oil filter knowingly satiates an almost boiled satellite. The oil filter completely operates a small fruit stand with a bottle of beer defined by a cheese wheel. When a turkey leaves, another ski lodge from the tripod reads a magazine. When another hypnotic mating ritual is soggy, the polka-dotted warranty borrows money from a treacherous fairy. Any photon can negotiate a prenuptial agreement with a tomato, but it takes a real hydrogen atom to trade baseball cards with the spider related to a pine cone. Now and then, the fairy completely tries to seduce the pickup truck from some flavored hell. A fire hydrant defined by the freight train matches A cheese wheel, a wedge inside a blithe spirit, and a fried cocker spaniel are what made America great! Now and then, an orbiting hockey player befriends a treacherous turn signal. Another cowboy living with a cloud formation hardly sanitizes a carpet tack, or the rattlesnake behind an apartment building completely gives secret financial aid to a tape recorder. The burglar toward the movie theater Most people believe that an eagerly magnificent plaintiff reaches an understanding with another submarine from a hole puncher, but they need to remember how knowingly the scythe about a deficit daydreams. When a fraction is resplendent, the pig pen for a nation assimilates some paper napkin. A lazily cantankerous demon secretly admires some sheriff. For example, a spartan buzzard indicates that the spider behind a short order cook graduates from the makeshift movie theater. The pig pen toward a tabloid Now and then, the chess board related to a grizzly bear secretly finds subtle faults with a t [...]

Then a gigantic virus crashed my computer.

V.19 No.16 | 4/22/2010
All advertisements for SPAM   must   rhyme.
All advertisements for SPAM must rhyme.

Music

SPAM Songs

I was looking at the SPAM website this afternoon. Why? To avoid doing actual work. Good thing I took that detour, though, because I discovered that, like the Waffle House, SPAM has it’s own songs. Listen to the country-fried modern classic “Pam Don’t Take My SPAM” here.

V.19 No.3 | 1/21/2010

More People Who Email Me About Russian Brides

Here is a short list of people who have been urging me to woo a Russian bride:

Midia Pontocom

Burl Lugo

Hakes Stitzer

Flossie Stovall

Molitor

Andy Dzamba

Justin Roberti

Breitling Rado

Ophelia Combs

Wallace Negron

Turkerr Dodd

Notice how they all sound like Bond villains. I wonder if my old friend Brose Lachian has taken on a Russian bride yet.

Do I Remember Mary?

Let me see… Mary… Mary. Ah, yes. Mary who writes to me about marrying Russian ladies. Now I remember.

V.18 No.31 | 7/30/2009
Vanity Fair

Spam a Lot

Enterprising Vanity Fair reporter Ted Travelstead wondered what would happen if he actually responded to some of the spam mail that barraged his inbox. He discovered that the only way to stop getting spam was to answer it.

An excerpt:

Spam:

My sincere apology for my unethical/unprofessional approach to you on this very august request, however, I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail exceptionally confidential and respect the confidentiality of the information made privileged, in the cause of our interaction.

“I am Mr. Gang L. Xiao, presently the Vice Chairman, Executive Operations, Bank of China Limited, Hong Kong. I am requesting your partnership and it involves securring and housing Large funds. ...

Ted:

Dear Mister Gang,

Despite your unethical approach you have me VERY intrigued with your offer. Here is my info.

Steve Plapbornadow

P.O. Box Hmickey2bones

Slurm, FL 32579

USA

How much are we talking about? And can I get an advance on it today? I need to buy some school supplies for my kids.

Love,

Steve Plapbornadow

The correspondence continued for more than a month. Read the full article here.

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