I am sitting with friends at a table in a restaurant. Our waitress takes our order in a spiral notebook. She has long curly red hair. She drops a small bottle onto our table. It contains two extracted molars with spiraling roots and two live crab spiders.
I am sitting on the couch at a friend's house. Her black and white cat has its enormous jaws latched onto my elbow. It has 3" teeth. It is just holding me and has not clamped down yet. She says: "Just tell him to stop."
When I arrived at work today, there was a strange item smack in the middle of my desk. It was a pencil, but not one I had used or left there. It is a near-perfect number 2, unsharpened with an only slightly used eraser. But near the business end, there are three deep, narrow, perpendicular grooves, equally spaced and cut down to the lead.
What does this mean? Who left this pencil for me to find? What were they trying to communicate? Is it someone who, as a coworker suggested, is harboring a secret, tormenting crush on me and has to chew up pencils? Doubtful. The grooves are too small and regular to be caused by normal human teeth. Is someone trying to send me an ominous message? Confuse me? Make me waste time writing this blog?
Admittedly it's not as bad as a dead bird left by your cat, or a horse head left by the Godfather. But it's freaking me out. Who are you, mystery pencil leaver?!