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V.23 No.51 | 12/18/2014

news

The Daily Word in Seth Rogen, angry Dutchmen, killer Zambonis, Walt Disney, and rectal feeding.

The Daily Word

Police ended a hostage crisis at a chocolate shop in Sydney, Australia.

In other Australian news, a shark killed a teenager.

Americans believe torture prevents acts of terrorism.

Speaking of torture, Karl Rove wants to feed your rectum.

An APD Officer accidentally shot a civilian on Sunday morning.

Seth Rogen is North Korea's biggest enemy.

The US is the most uncaring nation in the industrial world, and it's all Ayn Rand's fault.

Mother Nature screwed up the day for air travelers in San Francisco.

The liquid in E-ciagerettes is poisonous enough to kill a child.

The Dutch are not happy about Google's privacy violations through data collection.

In Wisconsin, a Zamboni is trying to kill people. A Plymouth Fury named Christine once tried to kill people.

Walt Disney died on this day back in 1966. He was 65. Here are some inspirational Disney quotes to get you through life or at least through the day.

V.23 No.49 |

News

The Daily Word in no social security benefits for Nazis, an HBO Johnny Tapia documentary and outrageous details of torture

The Daily Word

HBO made a Johnny Tapia documentary.

The color of the year has been announced.

APD released another image of the man suspected of shooting my favorite 7-11 clerk this past weekend.

A former Nazi charged for his involvement in an infamous WWII massacre in France appears to be off the hook.

In other Nazi-related news, Congress has passed a law that will prevent former Nazis from recieving social security benefits.

All those allegations of torture and cruelty against terrorism suspects in the hands of Americans and their minions turn out to be true and worse than previously alleged according to a report just released.

A private company is winnowing the field of candidates for a one-way mission to Mars.

Avril Lavigne has developed a celebrity mystery illness.

Check out Boing Boing's gift guide.

Afghanistan just harvested enough opium to equal 90 percent of the world's supply.

Author Alice Walker is a fan of conspiracy theorist David Icke!

V.21 No.22 |

news

The Daily Word in tears, serpents and lucid dreams

The Daily Word

Speculation on what killed Johnny Tapia

New Mexico's five corporate legislators

Meth-like bath salts may be to blame for attack of the Miami face-eater.

NYC looks to ban large sodas and sugary drinks.

"Sesame Street" composer reacts to news that his songs may have been used to torture people at Gitmo.

Buy salt made from human tears.

Serpent-handling pastor dies from a rattlesnake bite.

Porn star is suspected of murder and mailing body parts to the Conservative Party of Canada.

The rise of lucid dreaming

What it means to be gay in Iran

Supercars that go 200 mph

American nuns prepare a response to Vatican charges that they're radical feminists.

Your state in sandwich form

Nicolas Cage performs John Cage. Kinda.

V.21 No.2 | 1/12/2012

video games

Webgame Wednesday: Ancient Greek Punishment

OK, so Ancient Greek Punishment is more of a conceptual joke than an actual game. Nonetheless, artist/programmer Pippin Barr has created a cheeky tribute to the tortures of the underworld done up in an old-school, Atari 2600 art style. Pick your character (Sisyphus? Tantalus? Prometheus?) and get to work. Follow the instructions and ... well, you'll get the picture pretty quickly. Keep in mind these minigames aren't quick. They take a long time to get through. Like all of eternity.

V.19 No.45 | 11/11/2010

news

The Daily Word: 11.4.10

The Daily Word

George Takei (“Star Trek”) demonstrates the proper use of the word “douchebag.” Glad that’s settled.

Yemen printer cartridge bomb was set to explode in 17 minutes.

Speaking of which, can you opt out of an airport body scan?

Banksy “flower bomber” stencil: best costume ever.

The volcano that killed 36 last week in Indonesia erupted again yesterday, only with “more force.”

The handsfree Kinect for Xbox 360 is out. Here’s a side-by-side comparison with PlayStation Move for PS3 and Nintendo’s Wii and MotionPlus .

Palin reacts to the midterm election results. Tina Fey reacts to Sarah Palin.

Captivating photos of the Outlaw Motorcycle Club in the ’60s.

Did George W. Brush approve torture? "Damn right."

Rock and roll revelations from Keith Richards’ new book.

V.19 No.30 | 7/29/2010
Play Youtube Video

Man Cave

Torture should go both ways at the dentist

I apparently have super teeth. The last time I went to the dentist, she said I had a cavity. That was more than a year ago. I never got it fixed and it has nagged at me ever since.

But I went to the dentist on Wednesday, a different one, and she found nothing.

Either I’m completely off target on this super teeth thing, or the last dentist was a sadist who wanted to perform unnecessary oral surgery on me.

In any case, I love telling torture jokes during routine teeth cleanings. Dentists hate it but I feel some sort of revenge is in order for having stranger’s hands in my mouth. Quid pro quo.

My personal favorite is called the “Marathon Man,” named after a movie starring Dustin Hoffman as a guy who gets tortured by a Nazi dentist. Always keen on paying homage to film as part of my daily routine, I asked the dentist to ask me “Is it safe?” before commencing with the poking and prodding.

She said it, perplexed, and I thanked her, explaining that it was a movie joke. My mouth feels squeaky clean this evening. Thanks, doc.

The dental assistant told me later as she gave me the cinnamon flavored industrial tooth scrubbing that the film “The Hangover” also has dental torture jokes. I told her I would rent it; she said I wouldn’t regret it. I think next time I’ll ask the dentist, “Is it safe?”

The other option is the “El Cirujano.” Ask your dentist if she or he has ever considered doing field work for the Central Intelligence Agency or express jealousy that they have such a cool fall back career. This actually got me tortured once during a filling. I should have asked for the Novocain.

When getting a cleaning, it can be fun to adlib pleas for mercy during the short times when there aren’t any metal objects in your mouth. A “please, no more, I beg of you,” will keep the doctor on his or her toes.

If you are playing the CIA game and feel like the dentist didn’t push down on the drill hard enough after the first wise crack, these adlibs can keep the game going. Try “We’re in for a long night, doc, because I don’t know shit,” or the classic, “You’re just going to have to kill me, doc.”

Take a crack at a bad Schwarzenegger accent. Be creative. Most important: Have fun. It’s your nickel.

This is a fun and inexpensive way to make that dental appointment a little more enjoyable. The dentist will probably hate it, but they’re getting paid. Don’t let them spoil your fun.

V.18 No.37 | 9/10/2009

politics

Gooooo, Team Torture!

The Center for Constitutional Rights released a set of baseball-like cards featuring American proponents of torture.

There’s an option for making your own card. One wonders, should we make a President Obama card? These days, it kinda seems like it.


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