V.21 No.22 |
The Daily Word in tears, serpents and lucid dreams
Speculation on what killed Johnny Tapia
New Mexico's five corporate legislators
Meth-like bath salts may be to blame for attack of the Miami face-eater.
NYC looks to ban large sodas and sugary drinks.
"Sesame Street" composer reacts to news that his songs may have been used to torture people at Gitmo.
Buy salt made from human tears.
Serpent-handling pastor dies from a rattlesnake bite.
Porn star is suspected of murder and mailing body parts to the Conservative Party of Canada.
The rise of lucid dreaming
What it means to be gay in Iran
Supercars that go 200 mph
American nuns prepare a response to Vatican charges that they're radical feminists.
Your state in sandwich form
Nicolas Cage performs John Cage. Kinda.
V.21 No.2 | 1/12/2012
Webgame Wednesday: Ancient Greek Punishment
OK, so Ancient Greek Punishment is more of a conceptual joke than an actual game. Nonetheless, artist/programmer Pippin Barr has created a cheeky tribute to the tortures of the underworld done up in an old-school, Atari 2600 art style. Pick your character (Sisyphus? Tantalus? Prometheus?) and get to work. Follow the instructions and ... well, you'll get the picture pretty quickly. Keep in mind these minigames aren't quick. They take a long time to get through. Like all of eternity.
V.19 No.45 | 11/11/2010
The Daily Word: 11.4.10
Yemen printer cartridge bomb was set to explode in 17 minutes.
Speaking of which, can you opt out of an airport body scan?
Banksy “flower bomber” stencil: best costume ever.
The volcano that killed 36 last week in Indonesia erupted again yesterday, only with “more force.”
The handsfree Kinect for Xbox 360 is out. Here’s a side-by-side comparison with PlayStation Move for PS3 and Nintendo’s Wii and MotionPlus .
Captivating photos of the Outlaw Motorcycle Club in the ’60s.
Did George W. Brush approve torture? "Damn right."
Rock and roll revelations from Keith Richards’ new book.
V.19 No.30 | 7/29/2010
Torture should go both ways at the dentist
I apparently have super teeth. The last time I went to the dentist, she said I had a cavity. That was more than a year ago. I never got it fixed and it has nagged at me ever since.
But I went to the dentist on Wednesday, a different one, and she found nothing.
Either I’m completely off target on this super teeth thing, or the last dentist was a sadist who wanted to perform unnecessary oral surgery on me.
In any case, I love telling torture jokes during routine teeth cleanings. Dentists hate it but I feel some sort of revenge is in order for having stranger’s hands in my mouth. Quid pro quo.
My personal favorite is called the “Marathon Man,” named after a movie starring Dustin Hoffman as a guy who gets tortured by a Nazi dentist. Always keen on paying homage to film as part of my daily routine, I asked the dentist to ask me “Is it safe?” before commencing with the poking and prodding.
She said it, perplexed, and I thanked her, explaining that it was a movie joke. My mouth feels squeaky clean this evening. Thanks, doc.
The dental assistant told me later as she gave me the cinnamon flavored industrial tooth scrubbing that the film “The Hangover” also has dental torture jokes. I told her I would rent it; she said I wouldn’t regret it. I think next time I’ll ask the dentist, “Is it safe?”
The other option is the “El Cirujano.” Ask your dentist if she or he has ever considered doing field work for the Central Intelligence Agency or express jealousy that they have such a cool fall back career. This actually got me tortured once during a filling. I should have asked for the Novocain.
When getting a cleaning, it can be fun to adlib pleas for mercy during the short times when there aren’t any metal objects in your mouth. A “please, no more, I beg of you,” will keep the doctor on his or her toes.
If you are playing the CIA game and feel like the dentist didn’t push down on the drill hard enough after the first wise crack, these adlibs can keep the game going. Try “We’re in for a long night, doc, because I don’t know shit,” or the classic, “You’re just going to have to kill me, doc.”
Take a crack at a bad Schwarzenegger accent. Be creative. Most important: Have fun. It’s your nickel.
This is a fun and inexpensive way to make that dental appointment a little more enjoyable. The dentist will probably hate it, but they’re getting paid. Don’t let them spoil your fun.
V.18 No.37 | 9/10/2009
Gooooo, Team Torture!
18th Annual Harvest Festival at Haynes Park
Featuring trick-or-treating, carnival games, food, entertainment, door prizes and tons of candy.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) at KiMo Theatre
Il Sogno del Marinaio with Mike Watt at Low SpiritsMore Recommented Events ››