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valentines


V.25 No.6 | 02/11/2016

The Daily Word in Fantasy, Romance and Mite Orgies

The Daily Word

It's Velen-Times! Use this quiz to find out which of your sexual fantasies are shared by your mate. Don't worry. Only matching perversions show up in the results. Your secret "Bernie on a jet ski" dream will never get out.

EPFL scientists have developed a robot arm that is strong enough to pick up heavy objects, but sensitive enough to pick up an egg. Sexbot wars, engage!

If you can't figure out how to make your partner dump you in 10 seconds flat, call a taxi and cross your fingers that ABQ's Karaoke cab shows up (like gonorrhea, it appears when you least expect it).

Life-sized Star Wars sculptures made entirely from Legos are making an appearance at the New York Toy Fair. (Editor's note: Insert virgin nerd joke here).

How's this for romance? Mites are having sex on your face right now. I think that counts as an orgy. High five!

Want to make your partner feel like an under-achiever? Tell them about the man who cycled from India to Sweden to be with his sweetheart. (Don't mention that if it hadn't worked out, this whole thing would have been about the world's creepiest stalker, instead).

If you miss tonight's love fest at the aquarium, you can still catch up on all the sexy underwater happenings in the marine world with this intensely erotic look at fish sex.

Are you a hopeless un-romantic who hates this ridiculous holiday? Well you're not alone. Read this op-ed by self-proclaimed "Valentine's Day Grinch", Winthrope Quigley of the ABQ Journal.

V.25 No.5 | 02/04/2016

Event Horizon

A Titillating Treat

Thursday, Feb 11: Southwest Burlesque Pre Party! Featuring Bunny Galore

The best burlesque dancers of the Southwest perform for the weekend.
V.21 No.6 | 2/9/2012

news

The Daily Word in McDonald’s unsafe pit bulls, Nike Foam knife fights and Plan B vending machines

The Daily Word

President Obama plans to use a super PAC for campaign fundraising, something he opposed in the past.

The Caddo Parish, La. commissioner wants to put a ban on pajama wearing in public.

A Maryland mall was evacuated after knives were pulled over the release of the new Nike Foam shoe.

Puerto Rico proposes a plan to kill their iguana population and export their meat to aid economic struggles.

You’ll be able to snag Plan B pills from a vending machine at Shippensburg University.

In a new book, the Pope is said to have performed two exorcisms during his time in the Vatican. Crappy found-footage movie to follow.

The Steins Railroad Ghost Town in the southwestern part of the state reopens in May, even with a mysterious murder going unsolved.

The oldest living things on Earth are discovered ... giant seagrass in the Mediterranean Sea.

GOP hopeful Newt Gingrich continues his 1984-esque campaign when his communications director alters his Wikipedia page. “Edits” include items about his three marriages and his books.

The Albuquerque Police Department begins an internal investigation after a cell phone video of two cops kicking a man makes it on YouTube.

McDonald’s pulls an advertisement that states eating a new Chicken McBite is less risky than petting a pit bull.

Susan G. Komen Foundation Vice President Karen Handel resigns over the Planned Parenthood funding controversy.

This incredible list of 150 Valentines from your childhood are going to bring back many a grade school memory.

V.20 No.4 |

ARTS

Enter the Valentine's Day Contest

Express yourself, win fabulous prizes

There is still time to enter Alibi's Eighth Annual Valentine's Day Card Contest. A few entries have trickled in and there's some really good stuff.

As I said before, anything creepy is good. Also, sending stuff laden with precious metals, jewels, cash is always a plus. Journalism is my passion, but it ain't paying the bills. Any cards with valuables I can resell will help ease my transition into organized crime.

Remember: One entry per person. They shouldn't be bigger than an eight and a half by 11 inch piece of paper and should weigh no more than a five kilogram gold brick. Hint.

Mail them to 2118 Central Ave. SE, P.O. Box 151. Entries must be received by Feb. 1. No animal parts, bodily fluids or anything else that will bother my OCD.

Thank you. Have fun.

The winners will be displayed in the Feb. 10 issue of the Alibi.

Join our mailing list for exclusive info, the week's events and free stuff!
 

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