“Oh hello. I'm coming to you live, before the final results of the election. Here in the Capitol. The election results are coming in as we speak. I've just been handed a sticky note that reads 'No one voted,' is that right, Jerry? Heh, I voted, that's for sure. I sure did. Don't question me on that.
Oh no. Jerry's left the studio. I hear screaming outside. One moment, I'm going to look out the window. Oh, no. Jerry doused himself in gasoline. Well, he was kind of an imbecile, anyway. Still.
Too bad everyone assumed that someone else would vote, it seems we now live in a dystopia.
Signing off for the last time,
Don't let this become reality. Vote today.
Child slavery is still a major problem in the chocolate industry.
DO NOT attempt to make your dog or cat vegan or vegetarian.
The age to buy tobacco in Chicago will now be 21.
The world doesn't believe Trump can do it.
Read new secrets!
A nearly 100-million-year old bird wing has been found encased in amber.
President Obama is showing five things that are more difficult than registering to vote.
John Oliver tackled doping in his most recent episode.
Crime scene blood can now tell the age range of a person.
Dahling, your neighborhood is just sooooo charming.
#TrumpUniversityMascot is the best hashtag game ever.
The food industry doesn't want you to know which products are genetically modified. Gross.
Also gross: a video of molten copper being poured over a Big Mac ... to no effect.
Ready for the real life Jurassic Park? Scientists have discovered a fossilized pregnant T Rex!
N.M. has a serious opiate abuse problem so the government has awarded the state $1.7 million for health centers and treatment providers.
Divers in Indonesia found endangered animals trapped in underwater cages.
The Ferguson City Council has unanimously agreed to a DOJ overhaul on its police force and municipal court system.
Mother Teresa may be coming up on sainthood but she was no saint.
The New Mexico Department of Workforce Solutions is overwhelmed by claims from workers furloughed during the government shutdown.
A bunch of truckers are planning to congest DC beltway traffic on Friday in protest of the government shutdown.
The one nay-saying member of a panel charged with passing weaker regulations for copper mining has stepped down, which is a victory for Susana Martinez.
A redesigned U.S. $100.00 bill goes into circulation today.
It is 300 years after the Age of Reason and an American Supreme Court Justice believes the Devil exists.
Ohio is considering banning "gay conversion therapy."
The Tesla electric car is big in Norway.
The 2013 Nobel Prize for Physics was awarded today.
The APS board election is today and voters will decide whether or not to approve a large bond that would maintain and improve Albuquerque's schools.
The Laguna man who ran over a cyclist is mad at the victim's family.
UNM now has a grope hot-line.
I can't stop reading UNM Confessions.
People in Denver may petition the city to rid their airport of Luis Jimenez's last sculpture, "Mustang."
Memo outlines Obama administration's argument that it is legal to kill Americans who are in the upper levels of Al Qaeda or "any associated force."
And now for some bizarre North Korean propaganda.
Even I’m sick of them. And I love this stuff.
I hear lots of people talking about how they’re all burned out on political candidates and their endless bickering. This is the most expensive election of all time. And where did that money go? Ads. Lots and lots of ads.
But even if you don’t care at all about who’s the next president, senator, county commissioner, whatever, there are a few other issues on the ballot today that are worth your attention.
Do you think Albuquerque’s minimum wage should go up $1? Our election team does, and here’s why.
Do you think Albuquerque should spend $50 million on rebuilding the Paseo and I-25 interchange? We didn’t. Here’s why.
And what about those amendments? Three of the five are about strengthening the Public Regulation Commission. They probably stem from the disaster that was Commissioner Jerome Block Jr. The Alibi’s endorsement crew likes all the amendments, especially the one that pulls the Public Defender’s Office out from under the thumb of the guv. (You may not care about that agency today, but you will if you ever get in trouble with the law and you can’t afford a private attorney.)
Dude. You’re a procrastinator. Us, too. But don’t delay any longer! Here is what you must do.
Reporter Margaret Wright took a look at the state of our secretary of state this week. And while she did, some startling numbers came up. Of 1.5 million eligible voters in New Mexico, a quarter-million aren’t registered. The percentage of unregistered voters is twice as high in low-income households.
But SOS Dianna Duran has her attention elsewhere: On the specter of voter fraud, Wright reports.
Tuesday, Oct. 9, is the last day to register to vote in the 2012 general election. Get it done!
Chick-fil-A bows out of homophobe politics.
Students protest racist anti-abortion propaganda at UNM.
At 11:30 a.m., Endeavour will fly over White Sands.
The Mars rover got some snaps of an eclipse.
OK, so why isn't New Mexico big in solar?
Oh, that Jon Stewart: Chaos on Bullshit Mountain
Beyoncé is a good role model for the Obama daughters, says the president.
Maybe we should elect Canada as POTUS.
How will LGBT youth fare in a new Tunisia?
iPhone 5 lines are forming around the country.
It's OK if you don't want kids. In 2008, you could just drop them off in Nebraska.
A woman screaming "I'm Jack Sparrow" hijacks a passenger ferry and crashes it into other boats.
Amanda Palmer got more than $1 million through Kickstarter to make an album. People are wondering what the hell she's spending it on.
Work backward out of a creative rut.
What's next in body mods?
Take the Central bus out of Downtown until 1:30 a.m. on Friday and Saturday nights.
Fatal shooting last night.
Commissioner Wiener says he’s going after the photographer who took the snap of him in a notorious red-light district in the Philippines. (He lost Tuesday’s election bad.)
Why is the weather in Westeros so crazy?
Political reporter Haussamen comes out against LGBT discrimination.
City comes out against unending yard sales.
Republicans in Florida outlaw voting on Sunday to suppress the African-American vote.
Jeb Bush says something nice about President Obama.
And ex-Prez Clinton says nice things about Mitt Romney.
Mr. Rogers remixed.
A forest-themed nightclub in Seattle.
Flaming Lips post naked pictures of Erykah Badu and her sister, angering Badu.
Parents’ blood and spit can reveal fetus’ DNA.
It’s getting down to the wire to vote in the primary. Unsure about who’s running and what their platforms consist of? Check out our user-friendly election guide, which you can even personalize and access with your smartphone.
My Vote Centers will be open throughout Bernalillo County from 8:00 a.m. to 8 p.m. today and tomorrow, June 2. Stop in at the most convenient location to cast your ballot. An additional list of early voting locations can be found here. For additional information, call the County Clerk at 243-VOTE (8683).
The last day to vote in the primary is Tuesday, June 5. So far voter turnout has been thin; don’t be one of many whose voice won’t be included!