Here's a list of local holiday closures to help you figure out when to put out your trash and stuff.
The Rio Grande is bone-dry in southern New Mexico.
Santa Fe's plastic bag ban takes effect February 27th 2014.
NSA has 100% access to your iPhone. Messages, contacts—and they can remotely turn it into a listening device. Not cool.
Ariel Castro's neighbor was a murder-raping pig and he is going to jail.
Michael Schumacher is getting relatively better after his terrible skiing accident.
There is now a better cardboard box, people.
Cab Calloway's lexicon of hip will make you the life of the party before you cop a final.
Dig this totally righteous anti-Nazi Christmas card from 1943.
"The octopus-man would make a fine policeman or soldier ...."
It's time for President Obama's year-end news conference!
Who will save Blackberry?
Could our recent economic growth and rise in stocks lead toward a prosperous 2014?
It looks like Bertha found “the object.”
In case you're unemployed, Eclipse Aerospace might have a job for you.
Animals shelters around Albuquerque have asked people to stop bringing in animals because there's no room left.
A parent went into a classroom and threatened a student at Colinas Del Norte Elementary School in Rio Rancho.
A portland pup ate too many weed brownies and had to be taken to the vet. Poor guy couldn't handle the high.
It's not really winter in New Mexico until some people freeze to death in Gallup.
The Whittington brothers have been presented with a plethora of search warrants, including one executed by the DEA at their car dealership in Albuquerque.
Some folks really don't want the Albuquerque parole offices to move downtown.
State Police made an arrest in connection with the "teen foam-party death."
There is now a ginormous Rough Trade record store in Brooklyn.
Mistrial declared in case involving alleged injury sustained from assault by Rick Springfield's ass.
Time to check in with awesome stupid chatroulette.
The Buddha may be older than we thought.
The site of the real Hanging Gardens of Babylon.
Is Charles Manson getting married to a freaky-deaky 25 year old Susan Atkins look-alike!?
Bro, we did too leave a damn tip.
A can of Soylent Green was auctioned for 2000 bucks.
Seminal Cleveland hip-hop quintet Bone Thugs-N-Harmony have reunited for one final hurrah. The group’s Rock the Bells tour hits Burque on Thursday, Dec. 13, but you might want to study up on Bone Thugs prior to the show. Read all about them in East 99 Meets Burque. Divine harmonies coalescing with crunk melodies and phat beats are the act’s trademark. You’ll want to sing along, right? Refresh your memory with Bone Thugs music videos below. Sunshine Theater • Bone Thugs-N-Harmony • Thu Dec 13 • 8 pm • $27.50 • ALL-AGES! • sunshinetheaterlive.com
Facebook has a billion daily users and none of them will like the picture of your kid doing that thing you posted.
White college kids from Texas do the craziest things.
Food prices rising at Balloon Fiesta.
Chicago police find 1,000 pot plants growing in a field.
Arrests made following this weekends shooting at Fantasy World.
Miguel Cabrera wins baseball's first Triple Crown since 1967.
Cheese smugglers busted in Canada.
What if everyone on earth pointed a laser pointer at the moon at the same time?
Chevy dealer totally sorry he had you arrested over pricing error.
Can a new font help dyslexic readers?
Voters rejected legalizing recreational marijuana use in California, and a proposal to establish a Commission for Extraterrestrial Affairs in Colorado was also voted down.
Info-porn shows what happened the last time the House went Republican.
Iranina Sakineh Mohammadi Ashanti, the woman convicted of adultery and sentenced to death by stoning will be hanged instead.
Foreign embassies in Greece are targeted by letter bombs.
Facebook used to graph breakups over the course of the year.
George W. Bush says the worst moment of his presidency was when Kanye West called him out. ARE YOU SURE?
Be careful where you steal your porn from.
The end of cakes: The Pumpple.
NASA wants to
destroy send a robot to the moon.
Slate wonders if Netflix will destroy the internet.
Ultra-slow-motion popcorn popping video here.
Ten insane facts comics taught us about American history.
Is a deep-fried turkey worth the hassle?
FACT? The bigger the smile a baseball player has on his baseball card the longer he lives.
It's Osamu Tezuka's birthday!
The Senate will vote on repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell.
Students in Roswell are suspended for bringing doughnuts to school.
Caught on tape: suspect escapes from moving police car.
This guy is still hating on Obama, FROM BEYOND THE GRAAAAVE!
Miami hospital circumcises baby by mistake, I wonder if they're getting sued?
New research shows the ancient Greeks were the first to document a Halley's Comet sighting.
Taco Bell now has flatbread sandwiches.
Why are there so many unfunny people on the new Forbes list of the top-earning comedians.
NASA was to blame for the weird atmospheric symbols over Houston on 9/11. OR WERE THEY???
The ten creepiest fast food mascots are …
How to suck less at Halo: Reach.
Al Sharpton is getting a new Sunday morning talk show.
Weren't you just asking for a list of the 10 coolest G.I. Joe ninjas?
Only a jackass would buy this $178 cheese sandwich.
It's Tommy Lee Jones' birthday!
And you thought your internet connection was crap.
Newsflash: Pot dealers don't want weed legalized.
Susana Martinez leads Diane Denish, among people who take polls.
Why won't that Chinese dude buy your house? Because the feng shui is all f'd up.
This Japanese guy calls Americans something mean.
Let's feed him to the Germans!
Tourism in Guam goes up.
No PowerPoint, no killing people. Got it?
75 Rio Rancho kids had the crap scared out of them this morning. Oh, and there's probably a job opening for a new bus driver.
Cash for cocks! (Totally safe for work, I promise.)
Guess what's under the World Trade Center site? Hint: It's not a mosque.
Bike helmets are stupid.
Whoo hoo! The internet is crazy again.