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 V.13 No.52 | December 23 - 29, 2004 

Thin Line

One less wart on the ass of Albuquerque's airwaves! After 24 years of basing an entire AM talk radio morning show on never having any ideas of his own, parroting spew from other media outlets and passing himself off as a politically savvy celebrity host, Larry Ahrens® refused a contract renewal offer last Thursday from Citadel Communications, the radio conglomerate that owns the microphone Ahrens used to mouth off into at 770 KKOB. In a statement given to the Journal last week, Ahrens® said he didn't think the offer made by Citadel was "commensurate with my value in the marketplace."

He also stated that he expects to be back on the air at another local radio station hosting its morning show once his current contract with Citadel expires on Dec. 31. Although Ahrens® declined to name the company he says he's negotiating with, but, already knowing that Ahrens® is the highest paid mattress/kitchen cabinet/drycleaning/Roto Rooter salesman in Albuquerque, “Thin Line” naturally assumed that Ahrens® would go to work for that other bastion of dishonesty, questionable ethics and shameless commercialization in media, Clear Channel Communications, the only corporation in town we can think of out-of-touch and rich enough to line a nimrod's pockets with all the greens fees he can spend based on brand identification alone.

According to several sources, however, it appears that the Ahrens® Brand Talk Show Host has been negotiating not with Clear Channel, but allegedly with American General Media, a company significantly smaller in holdings and financial clout than Citadel or Clear Channel that owns five stations in Albuquerque, most notably Wild 106 FM.

So what, exactly, is Ahrens® saying about his value in the marketplace by going to work for a company that can't pay him nearly the salary he's been enjoying as Rush Limbaugh's local set-up guy for all these years? That he's worthless, or just worth less? Ahrens® claims the deal in the works includes the ability to create his own show, formatted somewhat differently from KKOB's “Morning Show.” For a guy who hasn't had an original thought or idea in at least 24 years, it appears to “Thin Line” that Ahrens® will have to work extra hard for his salary, no matter what it is.

The good news, that the Ahrens'® Brand tired act is off the air if only temporarily, is unfortunately overshadowed by the bad news: As of Friday, the "Morning Show" duties at KKOB were taken over by a blowhard of even bigger moronic proportions, Program Director Pat Frisch. If "Thin Line" were Santa Claus, we'd give everyone XM satellite radios this year so we could all forego Ahrens® and Frisch forever more. Of course, if you are one of Larry's faithful listeners, don't fret—you'll soon be able to hear him shove his head half-way up Dr. David Bernitsky's hind-end on a new Albuquerque station real soon.

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