Dateline: Germany—A German man has taken legal action against the Easter Bunny for grievous bodily harm. Eccentric Berlin-based performance artist Karl-Friedrich Lentze--who also sued the Pope, filed a patent for straight bananas and tried to open a restaurant serving breast milk cakes--has filed a complaint with prosecutors, accusing the holiday icon of causing addiction to chocolate which leads to heart attacks, obesity and strokes. “The Easter Bunny is a sadistic and unscrupulous offender who preys on people's sweet tooth,” said Lentze in a public statement. “Find this evil bunny, handcuff his paws and remove him from shops in time for Easter.” Public prosecutor spokesperson Christian Avenarius said, “We will act upon this complaint with speed and diligence.” Despite the pledge, it is believed that Lentze's latest campaign will meet with as much success as his petition to ban Santa Claus.
Dateline: New Zealand—In other bad bunny news, organizers of the Great Bunny Hunt on New Zealand's South Island expected more than 400 shooters to descend on the town of Alexandra over Easter Weekend to participate in the country's 15th annual rabbit shoot. “The Easter icon is, in fact, a villain,” Chris Macann, a spokesperson for Environment Canterbury, a government-backed group, told the Associated Press. “It is very hard to get the message across that, although these look like cute cuddly creatures, we want them dead.” The hunt is aimed at reducing the numbers of the fast-breeding non-native pests. More than 500 hunters bagged 21,000 rabbits and hares during last year's hunt in the hilly grasslands of the Central Otago region, said Bunny Hunt organizer Dave Ramsay.
Dateline: Romania—Famed Italian porn star Cicciolina has offered herself up as an olive branch to notorious terrorist Osama Bin Laden. The 55-year-old porn queen, whose real name is Ilona Staller, reportedly stated it was about time someone did something about the terrorist and claimed she just might be the woman for the job. Speaking at an erotic fair in Bucharest, Cicciolina said, “It is time someone did something about Bin Laden, and I am ready to do it. ... I am ready to make a deal. He can have me in exchange for an end to his tyranny. My breasts have only helped people, while Bin Laden's war has caused thousands of innocent victims.” Cicciolina, who served a term in the Italian Parliament in the late-'80s, made a similar offer in 1990, when she proposed a sex-for-surrender trade with Saddam Hussein. She warned Bin Laden against making the same mistake as the fallen Iraqi dictator. If Hussein had taken her up on the offer, “who knows what would have happened?” she remarked.
Dateline: Wisconsin—Troy Lee Mosby, who faces sentencing on graffiti violations in Milwaukee, now faces several more charges for allegedly tagging the very jail in which he was housed. Mosby placed his signature tag “Syrup” on walls, beds, lockers and mirrors in six cell blocks at the Milwaukee County House of Correction, according to a criminal complaint filed last Thursday. Mosby, 20, of Wauwatosa, was scheduled for sentencing last Friday on 14 misdemeanor graffiti counts. Instead, Milwaukee County Circuit Court Judge Paul Van Grunsven adjourned the matter until April 21 so Mosby could answer the new charges. “Given the nature [of the new case], I don't think there will be a lot of investigation needed,” the judge said. So far, Mosby has pleaded not guilty.
Dateline: Georgia—Students at the the University of Georgia need not worry about the rampant ninja threat--the ATF has the problem well in hand. Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms agents, on campus last Tuesday for Project Safe neighborhood training, detained a “suspicious individual” who was dressed as a ninja. The man in question, Jeremiah Ransom, a sophomore from Macon, was participating in the school's annual Pirate vs. Ninja Day. The popular Spirit Week event is sponsored by the Wesley Foundation, the campus' United Methodist organization. Ransom was dressed in a black sweat suit and wearing a red bandanna covering the bottom of his face and another covering the top of his head. He was jogging across campus to the dining hall when ATF agents pulled their weapons and ordered him to freeze. “One of the guys yelled I had a gun, tackled me and asked where my gun was,” Ransom told the student newspaper Red and Black. Ransom tried to tell the officer that was pinning him to the ground that he only had his wallet, keys and cell phone on him. The agent responded that, being trained officers, they would not mistake any of those items for a gun. Ransom continued to insist that he had no weapon. “I told them, ’There are 30 other people dressed up as pirates and ninjas.'” After being held for “investigative detention,” he was found to have violated no criminal laws and was let go. University Police Chief Jimmy Williamson said he was unhappy with how the situation was handled, but later had a “constructive talk” with the ATF supervisor.