Dateline: Kentucky--A northern Kentucky man was arrested on burglary charges after breaking into a home wearing only a thong and carrying a knife. Rodney McMillen, 36, was arrested over the weekend after police found a particularly convincing piece of evidence: a videotape of McMillen committing the crime. McMillen allegedly broke into a Fort Mitchell woman’s apartment about 3 a.m. on Sept. 20 clad only in thong underwear and carrying a knife. The woman fended off the attacker, who fled the apartment. At the scene, investigating officers found a videocamera, which McMillen had been using to document his crime. Too cheap to buy a new videotape, McMillen had simply recorded over some old footage of his family. Investigators used the remaining footage to identify McMillen’s relatives. The near-nude burglar was eventually tracked to his mother’s home in Norwood, Ohio. McMillen was lodged at the Hamilton County Justice Center in Cincinnati awaiting extradition to Kentucky.
Dateline: California--A naked man was arrested in the town of Cool last Monday morning in connection with a bizarre act of burglary and vandalism. According to the Mountain Democrat, resident Colt Langstaff returned home from a weekend camping trip around 10 p.m. Sunday night to find his front yard fence knocked down and an unknown Ford pickup parked sideways in his driveway. Dozens of personal items from Langstaff’s home were strewn about the yard. An El Dorado County sheriff’s report states that Langstaff got out of his vehicle and walked toward the home, at which point, he encountered a man wrapped in only a sheet coming out of the back door. The man, later identified as 37-year-old Terence Michael Dean of Clements, asked Langford what he was doing at the home. When Langstaff replied that it was his home, Dean ran from the residence. Inside the home, Langstaff found all of his home’s water faucets running. While he was turning off the faucets in the bathroom, he observed numerous packages of meat lying in the sink and bathtub. When sheriff’s deputies arrived, they were unable to locate the suspect, but did document several additional oddities. Near the front door of the home, a shrine consisting of a Buddha statue placed on a bongo drum had been left behind. A trial of potting soil connected the shrine to a nearby walkway. Another potting soil trail led from the home’s garage to the suspect’s truck, where three plant stands were left, each holding a teddy bear. In the back of the pickup were numerous items from Langstaff’s home, including framed pictures, empty potting soil bags and a kitchen toaster. When deputies entered the kitchen, they found a bowl of unpopped corn kernels, two burned matches and a cup of water containing a soaked paper note which read, “I love Cherry.” Also found in the kitchen was a large water-filled bowl containing only the keys to Langstaff’s Volkswagen Jetta parked out front. While deputies were processing the crime scene, they were informed by dispatch that a naked man had made contact with one of Langstaff’s neighbors and was asking to be taken to the hospital. Dean was eventually transported to Marshall Hospital, where medical staff documented some 50 cuts and scratches covering his entire body. There was nothing in the report mentioning a drug screen being conducted. Following clearance from Marshall, Dean was booked into the El Dorado County jail. He was released after posting $25,000 bail.
Dateline: New Hampshire—Paddington Bear: mass nurderer? Fish and Game department officials have implicated a teddy bear in the deaths of some 2,500 fish at a hatchery near Milford. State officials say the bear--dressed in a yellow hat and raincoat--dropped into a pool at the hatchery and clogged a drain. The clog blocked the flow of oxygen to the pool and suffocated the fish. “It’s kind of a cute little teddy bear and people wouldn’t think that a cute little teddy bear would be able to kill fish,” hatcheries supervisor Robert Fawcett told reporters. The deaths prompted Fawcett to release a written warning: “Release of any teddy bears into the fish hatchery water is not permitted.”
Dateline: New York--A police officer pretending to be a John ran into an unusual circumstance when he met a prostitute pretending to be a police officer. The odd encounter began last Thursday night when a male undercover police officer driving in a Syracuse neighborhood known for prostitution was flagged down by a woman. The woman got in his car and they went to a nearby parking lot to negotiate the price of sex. She asked the officer if he was a cop and he said no. “That’s OK, because I am,” the woman said as she pulled out handcuffs and a two-way radio. She then yelled into the radio, “Move in!” Concerned that the woman was armed and trying to rob him, the officer forced the woman form the vehicle. Moments later, officers who had been monitoring the situation arrived and grabbed 31-year-old Lisa Greene. A male officer pretending to be female used the radio to find out who was on the other end. That person, 20-year-old Elena Irwin, was waiting in a car in a nearby alley. Police charged Greene with first-degree criminal impersonation, prostitution and fifth-degree conspiracy. Irwin was charged with fifth-degree conspiracy and possession of a hypodermic needle.
Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. E-mail your weird news to firstname.lastname@example.org.