alibi online

Free Will AstrologyAlibi's Personals
 
 V.15 No.42 | October 19 - 25, 2006 

Thin Line

You Can't Make This Stuff Up--It has been a strange and decidedly terrible past couple of weeks in the world, evident from the headlines barraging our nation's front pages. So many bizarre and unimaginable incidents have transpired that I feel the need to slap myself around and splash water in my face to make sure I'm not in the middle of some prolonged nightmare. It’s times like these that made me decide to become a journalist instead of a fiction writer. You can’t make this stuff up.

First, Mark Foley, the Republican Congressman in charge of keeping sexual predators away from our most precious resource, “the children,” was exposed as an Internet pervert. To paraphrase Lewis Black, how am I supposed to add a joke to that? Of course, Foley blamed the entire fiasco on his purported alcoholism. I used to do that myself. It always worked for me, but then again, I never instant-messaged lewd comments to teenage boys. If I did, I can’t remember, so it doesn’t count.

North Korea announced that it detonated a nuclear weapon last weekend. They now belong to a special club. No, not the nuclear club that includes the United States and a handful of other first-world countries, but a special club made up of Pakistan, India and China. I call it the “we have mastered the atom, maybe next week we can locate some food” club.

An American has been charged with treason. Azzam the American, as he is referred to, made several video tapes, one of them with Al Qaida No. 2 Ayman “No Fun of Anykind” al-Zawahiri. He promised that the streets of America will flow with blood. This is the second American terrorist to come out of the Golden State. The first, John Walker Lindh, is eating boiled hash browns forever--anyone who has ever been to jail knows that joke. Is it me or does California just make people crazy? Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise--they're all on a vacation from lithium.

The Amish, long detached from the depravity of America's penchant for pointless violence, have now experienced a school shooting. I don't have a joke for this one. Even I have my limits. My condolences. Peace be unto them.

Finally, and most importantly, President Bush gave a press conference where he said—oh, forget it. That one's too easy.

 
Join our mailing list for exclusive info, the week's events and free stuff!
 

  • Select sidebar boxes to add below. You can also click and drag to rearrange the boxes; close using the little X icons on each box. To re-add a box you closed, return to this menu.
  • Because you are not logged in, any changes you make to these boxes will vanish as soon as you click to another page. If you log in, the boxes will stick.
  • alibi.com
  • Latest Posts
  • Web Exclusives
  • Recent Rocksquawk Discussions
  • Recent Classifieds
  • Latest User Posts
  • Most Active Users
  • Most Active Stories
  • Calendar Comments
  • Upcoming Alibi Picks
  • Albuquerque
  • Duke City Fix
  • Albuquerque Beer Scene
  • What's Wrong With This Picture?
  • Reddit Albuquerque
  • ABQ Journal Metro
  • ABQrising
  • ABQ Journal Latest News
  • Del.icio.us Albuquerque
  • NM and the West
  • New Mexico FBIHOP
  • Democracy for New Mexico
  • Only in New Mexico
  • Mario Burgos
  • Democracy for New Mexico
  • High Country News
  • El Grito
  • NM Politics with Joe Monahan
  • Stephen W. Terrell's Web Log
  • The Net Is Vast and Infinite
  • Slashdot
  • Freedom to Tinker
  • Is there a feed that should be on this list? Tell us about it.
    The Cosmic Belly Dance
    The Cosmic Belly Dance7.29.2014