Dateline: Australia—According to Queensland’s Courier Mail, an Irish carpenter on a working holiday in Australia pleaded guilty to a bizarre string of crimes, including robbing a Brisbane ticketing agency to feed his pet fish. Richard William O’Flynn admitted in court that he passed a note to a Brisbane Ticketek employee that read: “Give me all the [expletive] money from the till.” When he was told there was no money, he left and came back with a fish in a container of water. He then told the clerk he needed the money to feed his fish. O’Flynn also tried to hold up a bakery with a decorative cake knife after ordering a “gay wedding cake” for him and his partner. O’Flynn admitted to willful damage, attempted armed robbery, attempted theft and making threats over the telephone. He was sentenced to a year in jail by Judge Milton Griffin, who released him on the condition that he return to Ireland immediately. Griffin added at the sentencing that the community “would be pleased to see the back of him as he left Australia.”
Dateline: Nigeria—Police in Nigeria’s Kwara State are holding a goat handed to them by a vigilante group, which claimed the animal was a car thief who used witchcraft to change shape. “We cannot confirm the story,” Kwara state police spokesperson Tunde Mohammed told Reuters news service. “But the goat is in our custody.” According to the vigilantes who captured it, the goat tried to steal a Mazda 323. “The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However, one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat,” the police spokesperson explained. Police reform activists have condemned the arrest, saying it highlights the low education levels of many Nigerian police officers. Nigeria’s Vanguard newspaper ran a picture of the black-and-white goat and reported that police paraded it in front of journalists in the Kwara state capital of Ilorin last Thursday. Police claim the arrest and the subsequent media alert were the work of the vigilante squad. Such informal squads are often used to patrol areas where Nigerian police will not go at night.
“But the goat is in our custody.”
Dateline: Michigan—A man broke into a Marathon gas station early last Tuesday, smoked a few cigarettes, drank some alcohol, then called 911 to report his crime. According to the Times Herald, the unnamed 24-year-old man told officials at St. Clair County Central Dispatch he wanted to be taken to jail so he could spend time with his incarcerated brother. Deputies obliged, arresting the man and hauling him off to the county jail in Port Huron Township.
Dateline: California—An angry man allegedly attacked his former girlfriend with a knife in an attempt to “repossess” the woman’s breast implants. As his ex-girlfriend Shannon Perry, 26, stepped outside the back door of her mother’s house in Hesperia, 28-year-old Thomas Rowley stabbed her six times in the head and torso. According to the Victorville Daily Press, the attack took place in July of 2006. Rowley’s former roommate Dennis McGill testified in court last week that Rowley did it to reclaim Perry’s breast implants, which he had paid for. “I’m gonna cut ’em out and get ’em back,” McGill testified that Rowley told him. The breast implants were punctured during the attack but were eventually repaired. Rowley was arrested the day after the attack and faces several charges, including attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon, stalking, burglary and false imprisonment.
Dateline: Utah—Less than a month after a customer accidentally shot and killed a fast-food restaurant’s toilet when a pistol he was carrying dropped out of his pants, the burger joint is holding a memorial for the beloved commode. “Our thoughts go out to the surviving men’s room urinal and porcelain sink,” a spokesperson said on the Carl’s Jr. Facebook page. The first 50 customers attending the service at the Centerville location were given free Kaboom brand “Bowl Blaster Toilet Cleaner,” which workers said was the toilet’s favorite. “It was a shame,” said Centerville Carl’s Jr. manager Christian Martinez. “We have received e-mails and cards from all over the country expressing condolences for our loss.”