Dateline: India—In an attempt to make India more Indian, an activist group is developing a soft drink made from cow urine. India’s Hindu nationalist movement, the Cow Protection Department of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), says the carbonated drink is in the final stages of development. The Times of India reports head of the department Om Prakash as saying the drink was undergoing laboratory tests and would be launched “very soon, maybe by the end of this year.” Prakash told The Times that the drink would be very healthy and devoid of toxins. “Don’t worry,” Prakash was quoted as saying. “It won’t smell like urine and will be tasty, too.” The drink, known as “gau jal” or “cow water,” is the RSS’ latest attempt to cleanse India of foreign influence and to promote its ideology of Hindutva, or Hindu-ness.
Dateline: Austria—A shortsighted Austrian farmer set his house on fire after mistaking the refrigerator for the fireplace. Adolf Maier, 87, from Angerberg in Tyrol, had left the door of his fridge open. He then decided it was so cold he should light a fire in the fireplace—which was located next to the fridge. Mr. Maier told local reporters, “I put firelighters and wood in what I thought was the usual place, and suddenly there was smoke everywhere. I thought it was cold when I lit the match—now I know why.” He promised firefighters who extinguished the blaze that he will get better eyeglasses in the future.
Dateline: Florida—An elderly man in Boynton Beach has been charged with wasting police time after calling 911 to report that Burger King no longer serves lemonade. Police say Jean Fortune, 66, dialed the police emergency number to report the he was “unhappy with his order.” When a police officer arrived at the fast-food restaurant, a cashier told him she had informed Mr. Fortune at the drive-through that the store no longer carried lemonade. The thirsty customer reportedly became angry when he picked up his order at the window and threatened to call police. The cashier told him to “go ahead.” Fortune was charged and issued a notice to appear in court, reported the Palm Beach Post.
“It won’t smell like urine and will be tasty, too.”
Dateline: Florida—In a textbook example of irony, a man who used a Bowie knife to rob a gas station was arrested shortly afterward when his getaway vehicle ran out of gas. The Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office said a man entered the BP gas station in Cape Haze at about 3:30 a.m. Sunday morning, pulled a 12-inch knife on the clerk and demanded money. A customer at the gas station called 911 and spotted the suspect’s white Mercury Cougar as it sped out of sight. The Sarasota Herald-Tribune reports that while sheriff’s deputies were looking for signs of the robber at the gas station, a newspaper carrier told them a man in a car matching the one from the robbery had run out of gas several blocks away. Police found the abandoned Cougar and traced the license plate back to 23-year-old David Eric Hampton. Hampton was soon arrested and charged with robbery with a weapon and loitering/prowling. He was released last Monday on $10,500 bail.
Dateline: Kansas—A middle-aged man was arrested and charged with masturbating in the toy aisle of a discount story in Shawnee. The Kansas City Star reported that 45-year-old Lloyd Alexander of Olathe now faces a misdemeanor charge of lewd and lascivious behavior for the alleged incident, which took place last Thursday evening. Police said the man masturbated in front of a Hot Wheels display at the Wal-Mart but stopped the act whenever people walked near. After his arrest, Alexander reportedly told police he had a Hot Wheels collection of his own. “He seemed to be excited by the toys for some reason,” Shawnee Capt. Bill Hisle told the Star.
Dateline: Utah—A Salt Lake City woman famous for holding the Guinness World Record for the longest fingernails survived a four-vehicle accident last Tuesday. Unfortunately, her fingernails didn’t. According to the Salt Lake County Sheriff’s Office, Lee Redmond was ejected from her SUV during the multi-car crash and suffered serious but not life-threatening injuries. Her record-breaking fingernails, however, were a total loss. Redmond’s nails, which had not been cut since 1979, were approximately 33 inches at the time, reports the Deseret News. Redmond had been featured on episodes of “Guinness World Records” and “Ripley’s Believe It or Not.” She was not driving the vehicle at the time of the accident.