Dateline: Mexico—On June 29, two professional midget wrestlers were found dead in a seedy motel room in Mexico City. Local police believe that La Parkita and Espectrito Jr.—identified in police records as brothers Alberto and Alejandro Jiménez—were drugged and robbed by prostitutes. Reports say the wrestlers, both aged 35, picked up two prostitutes and took them to the hotel room, not far from the famous Arena México wrestling venue. Several hours later, the women allegedly left alone. When a hotel worker came to clean the room, the bodies of the wresters were discovered. Autopsies are being carried out, but investigators close to the case believe the pint-sized grapplers overdosed after being given eyedrops combined with alcohol. It is believed the brothers’ size make them more susceptible to alcohol poisoning. In Mexico, it is a common crime for gangs of prostitutes to rob their clients after they pass out from ingesting tainted drinks.
Dateline: Maine—A Cumberland County man faces charges of reckless conduct with a dangerous weapon after he allegedly tried—and failed—to run his wife over with a dump truck. Todd Thomas, 40, and his wife had been drinking at a friend’s house on Smith Mill Road in Standish when the married couple got into an argument. After his wife left with her dog, Mr. Thomas allegedly climbed into the cab of a 1988 Chevrolet 3500 dump truck and tried to run her over. Authorities reported the husband missed, went off the road and crashed into some trees. He then ran away, but police found him at a nearby house. He is currently being held on $1,040 bond at Cumberland County Jail.
Dateline: Connecticut—A teenage girl heard loud noises coming from her mother’s bedroom and came to the conclusion that an assault was in progress. The 16-year-old from Torrington got on the phone and called four friends. The group of teens busted into 34-year-old Melanie Arnold’s bedroom and punched and beat her 25-year-old companion, Roger Swanson, with a baseball bat. Unfortunately, Swanson was not assaulting Ms. Arnold but having sex with her. Arnold told the Associated Press that she did not scream but believed her daughter did hear a “slap” and thought she was being attacked. The girl, two boys and a 19-year-old man were arrested last Tuesday and charged with assault and conspiracy. A fourth teen was not charged. Swanson was treated at a nearby hospital for a black eye and bruises, then released.
Dateline: Florida—Police in Jacksonville arrested 20-year-old Michael Kruse for misusing the state’s 911 system after he called the emergency number to report that he was stoned and needed a police escort to a rap concert. Deputies say Kruse initially called the 911 center in St. Johns County on June 21 because he felt sick. The dispatcher had trouble understanding Kruse’s slurred speech and asked if he had “taken something.” Kruse admitted he had been smoking marijuana. “Do you want a deputy to come and take you to jail?” asked the 911 dispatcher. “Why?” asked Kruse. “Because you just told me on a taped line you just got done smoking marijuana,” said the dispatcher. “Awww, are you serious?” replied Kruse before hanging up. Hours later, Kruse called 911 again. This time he was driving down I-95 on his way to a Lil Wayne concert in Miami and requested a police escort or “a helicopter.” When the dispatcher informed him that police “don’t just send helicopters up for rappers,” Kruse said he “just wanted the fastest way to get there.” The dispatcher instructed Kruse pull off the interstate and deputies arrested him for misuse of 911.
Dateline: Tennessee—Authorities in Bedford County arrested a Shelbyville couple for assaulting one another with Cheetos. The Bedford County Sheriff’s Department said a 40-year-old man and a 44-year-old woman became involved in a “verbal altercation.” Though the police report did not go into detail about their use, puffy orange cheese snacks were somehow involved. Both parties were charged with domestic assault. No one was injured. According to the Shelbyville Times-Gazette, both posted bond of $2,500.
Dateline: Oklahoma—In other snack-related news, 36-year-old Lahoma Sue Smith copped a plea last week on a prostitution charge after it was alleged she accepted a box of Frito-Lay chips in exchange for oral sex. According to the Oklahoma City Police Department report, John Faron Johnson told police in February that he informed Smith he did not have any money. Despite the lack of funds, Smith “agreed to give him a ‘blow job’ meaning oral sex, for a box of chips.” Johnson, a Frito-Lay employee, provided Smith with a case of Fritos brand corn chips, which he valued at $30. Faron was not charged in the case. The hungry, hungry hooker was ordered to pay a $1,142 fine at her sentencing.