Dateline: Australia—A drunken 22-year-old man challenged a lamppost to a fight after he was ignored by passersby in the street, according to testimony heard in territorial court last Wednesday. Earlier this year, as police officers watched, David Robinson directed his inebriated anger at the lamppost and shouted at it to “come and have a go.” The bizarre incident was recounted at Perth Sheriff Court, where Robinson pleaded guilty and was ordered to perform 80 hours community service. The court was told that Perth police were on patrol in the early hours of the morning when they spotted Robinson shouting and swearing at pedestrians. He challenged a stranger to a fight and it was clear to the officers as they got closer that Robinson was heavily under the influence of alcohol. Fiscal depute Stuart Richardson testified before the court, saying, “He must have been very drunk; because when he ran out of passersby, he began to shout at the lampposts, similarly challenging them to ‘have a go’.” When officers approached, Robinson challenged them to fight. He was quickly arrested and detained. Robinson, of Corlundy Crescent, Crieff, admitted to conducting himself in a disorderly manner and breaching the peace.
Dateline: Germany—According to a report in London’s Daily Telegraph, a prison inmate in Whirl is demanding visitation rights from his cat “because she is my dead mum.” Peter Koenig, 46, who is serving five years for armed robbery, is a Buddhist and claims to believe in reincarnation. “I know she is my mummy,” said Koenig of his cat, Gisela. “She looks after me just the way she did. I need to see her like other prisoners see their wives and children.” Unfortunately, Koenig’s request was turned down, with the ruling court saying, “While we respect the religious freedom of individuals, the accused has not been able to furnish proof that his deceased mother has been reborn as a cat. Therefore, the request for visiting rights for the feline is rejected.”
Dateline: Mexico—Newly elected mayor Mauricio Fernandez began his tenure in the town of San Pedro Garza Garcia by announcing the death of his archenemy, notorious drug dealer Héctor “Black” Saldaña. Unfortunately, the announcement came four hours before Saldaña’s body was found by police and two days before it was actually identified. Speaking during his swearing-in ceremony in the wealthy residential suburb of Monterrey, the mayor announced, “Black Saldaña, who apparently is the one who was asking for my head, was found dead today in Mexico City.” According to Mexico City prosecutors, Saldaña’s barefoot, blindfolded body wasn’t found until four hours after Fernandez’ public announcement, leading some to speculate that Fernandez had something to do with the death. “Sometimes there are coincidences in life. It’s better to look at it this way,” Fernandez told reporters later when questioned about the timing of his announcement.
Dateline: Oregon—A judge in Portland failed to believe accused hit-and-run driver Edward Cespedes-Rodriguez when he said he was unable to see his victim. The woman he hit with his Mercedes is six feet tall, was driving a pedicab covered in reflectors and blinking lights, and was wearing an orange bunny outfit at the time. The motorist testified that he did not notice pedicab driver Kate Altermatt and her rather outstanding clothing during the incident this past Easter because he was busy fumbling for a dropped cell phone. Witnesses testified in court last week that Cespedes-Rodriguez smelled of alcohol at the time of the crash, but fled the the scene and dodged two other attempts by police to contact him on the day of the crash, so no alcohol test could be taken. Cespedes-Rodriguez’ attorney argued that his client had been forced to flee the scene of the accident for his own safety, fearing that fellow pedicab drivers who came to Altermatt’s rescue would attack him. After last Monday’s day-long trial, Judge Karin Immergut found Cespedes-Rodriguez guilty of hit-and-run driving for leaving the scene. The judge did clear him on charges of recklessly endangering another person. “This is probably the worst thing that has happened to me—being intentionally run over by a car,” Altermatt told The Oregonian. “I felt like a Burger King bag.”
Dateline: Colorado—Next time, just call in sick. A man who claimed he was attacked and stabbed in Edgewater last Monday night admitted he faked the whole thing just to avoid going to work at Blockbuster Video. According to TheDenverChannel.com, Aaron Siebers, 29, reported being stabbed at about 6:30 p.m. while walking to work. Siebers was rushed to St. Anthony Hospital where he received several stitches to close his wound. Police and sheriff’s officers from Edgewater, Mountain View, Lakewood, Lakeside and Jefferson County began a search for the stabbing suspects, described as three skinheads or Hispanic males dressed in black. Investigators reviewed surveillance footage from a business near where Siebers claimed he was attacked, but it failed to show any crime in progress. Siebers was reinterviewed by detectives, at which point the video store clerk admitted he stabbed himself because he didn’t feel like going to work.