Dateline: India—Hampered by setbacks and budget shortfalls, the Indian government has stepped up its security forces during this month’s Commonwealth Games in an attempt to appear safe and secure under the glare of the international spotlight. In addition to fending off potential terrorist attacks with surface-to-air missiles and anti-aircraft guns spread throughout New Delhi, 100,000 security guards have been drafted into service. As if that weren’t enough, 38 monkeys have been hired to keep an eye out for any simian wrongdoers. Earlier this month, India’s NDTV showed off members of an elite squad of fierce, black-faced Hanuman langurs. The highly trained monkey guards—named after a Hindu deity—have taken up positions around two stadiums in the city, defending athletes and spectators from potential attacks by smaller, wild monkeys. Eric Randolph, a correspondent for The National, an Abu Dhabi newspaper, explained to readers that, “the new contingent of langurs is expected to focus on the swimming complex, seen as a likely target for primate shenanigans.” Wild monkey attacks are not uncommon in New Delhi. The city’s deputy mayor died after a monkey attack in 2007.
Dateline: England—A Welsh pastor tried to answer an age-old question in court recently: It was a banana in his pocket, he wasn’t just happy to see you. According to London’s The Sun, 60-year-old David Morris, a pastor at Carmarthen Evangelical Church in west Wales, is accused of sexually assaulting a 12-year-old schoolgirl. In his defense, the pastor says it was all a case of mistaken fruit. “He said one thing he would do from time to time was to carry a banana in his trouser pocket,” prosecutor Geraint Walters QC told the court. “He said it’s possible that is what the girl mistook for his erect penis.” The victim, now 26, says Morris became “quite tactile and touchy” during a private English tutoring session. The girl testified in Swansea Crown Court that Morris took her hand and placed it on his groin where she felt a lump. Years later, the alleged victim and her fiancé arranged to meet Morris and confront him about the incident. According to her, “He arrived and went to sit down. He stood up and took a banana out of his pocket and put it down on the table.” At that point, she said, Morris told her, “This is what you must have felt.” The woman also claims that, on a different occasion, Morris took her and her sister underwear shopping in Swansea after buying them a pint of cider at a pub. Morris denies the incidents, which allegedly took place between December 1995 and December 1996.
Dateline: Tennessee—Fed up with baggy pants, a neighborhood fashion critic opened fire on a couple of Memphis teens. Kenneth Bonds, 45, is charged with shooting a 17-year-old during an argument over low-slung pants. According to an affidavit, Bonds confronted two teens outside his house by yelling at them to pull up their pants. When they failed to comply, he pulled out a semiautomatic pistol and fired off several shots. One of those bullets struck one of the teens in the buttocks. He was taken to a nearby hospital and treated for minor injuries. Police say Bonds admitted to firing on the teens after a heated argument. Although most neighbors condemned the violence, at least one area teen admitted to reporters that, “It makes me definitely want to pull my pants up.” Bonds is due in court later this month on two counts of aggravated assault.
Dateline: Nevada—Advertising doesn’t always pay. A 22-year-old mother/drug-dealer thought she had a brilliant idea when she papered her Carson City neighborhood with flyers offering marijuana to interested drug users. Unfortunately, local police followed the pot-for-sale posters to her apartment and arrested the enterprising entrepreneur. The Nevada Appeal reports Rikki Jean Munoz pleaded guilty to felony possession of heroin, and gross misdemeanor child neglect and endangerment in Carson City District Court. Police say they found a small amount of heroin and heroin paraphernalia in the Munoz’ home. They also found used hypodermic needles within reach of Munoz’ 2-year-old daughter. Oddly enough, marijuana was not found at the scene. Munoz is scheduled to be sentenced on Nov. 30.