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 May 10 - 16, 2012 
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Odds & Ends

By Devin D. O’Leary
Odds and Ends

Dateline: China

Operators of a popular mountaintop cable car ride in Henan Province are now cracking down on people having sex in the gondolas. “Following numerous complaints, authorities were apparently forced to step in and put an end to what has been a popular local pastime for young couples,” media stated. The sex ban came at the behest of officials after Internet videos made the tourist spot’s sky-high sex well-known around the world. Oddly enough, according to an Australian news agency, the cable car’s new signage only prohibits couples born in the ’90s from joining the mile high club.

Dateline: Poland

A 45-year-old man made the tragic mistake of dumping his girlfriend and then booking a dental appointment with her—at which point she surgically removed all of his teeth. According to the London’s Daily Mail, Marek Olszewski made an appointment with 34-year-old dentist Anna Mackowiak to take care of a toothache just days after dumping her. The jilted lover allegedly pumped him full of anesthetic and yanked all 32 of his teeth with a pair of pliers. “I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions,” Mackowiak told the newspaper. “But when I saw him lying there, I just thought, What a bastard.” Olszewski woke up with his jaw wrapped in bandages. He felt something was wrong, but Mackowiak assured him he’d be fine once the numbness wore off. “I didn’t have any reason to doubt her. I mean, I thought she was a professional,” said Olszewski. “But when I got home, I looked in the mirror and couldn’t fucking believe it. The bitch had emptied my mouth.” Mackowiak is being investigated for medical malpractice and could face up to two years in jail for her actions.

Dateline: New York

Disgraced-and-loving-it actor Charlie Sheen apparently has his limits. The former “Two and a Half Men” star is threatening to sue Cheetahs Gentleman’s Club in Times Square for naming its VIP room the “Charlie Sheen” room. Sheen’s lawyer has sent the strip club owners a “cease and desist” order, saying Sheen has been “wrongfully exploited” by the club’s “ongoing efforts to attract media attention by using Charlie Sheen’s name and mischaracterizing the nature of his legal claims.” Sam Zherka, president of Cheetahs’ parent company, says he still plans to open the semiprivate room, described as a “tribute” to the famously fast-living star.

Dateline: Nebraska

Pabst Brewing Company came to the rescue after a University of Nebraska at Lincoln student had her can of Pabst Blue Ribbon stolen by an armed robber. WOWT-TV in Omaha reports Jessica Robertson was hanging out on a patio with some friends drinking canned beer. A group of strangers walked up and demanded some beer. “We asked them to leave and one guy showed what looked like a knife,” Robertson told the NBC affiliate. The party-crasher ran off with a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon. A short time later, Lincoln police captured the man and escorted him back to the patio. Turns out he didn’t have a knife, but rather a fork. Unfortunately, the now half-drunk beer was a lost cause. “They came and poured it out,” said Robertson. “What a shame. What a shame.” Luckily, local Pabst employee Rick Birdsell saw the story and came to the rescue. “We’re really sorry what happened to you last week with someone taking your beer from you,” said Birdsell as he delivered several fresh cases of Pabst to Robertson and her friends. “My parents will be so proud,” Robertson was quoted as saying.

Dateline: California

How exiting is BMW’s new motorcycle? A man is suing the manufacturer, claiming that a four-hour trip on his BMW bike resulted in a two-year erection. Henry Wolf is suing Bavarian Motor Works and seat-maker Corbin-Pacific, claiming he “now is unable to engage in sexual activity, which is causing him substantial emotional and mental anguish.” Wolf says the ride resulted in an unusual condition known as priapism and is now suing for lost wages, medical expenses, emotional distress and “general damage.”

Dateline: Oklahoma

Yes, he’s got a meth lab ... in his pants! Tulsa television station KOTV reports that the Oklahoma Highway Patrol was chasing a suspect when the portable methamphetamine lab in his pants exploded. The incident happened in Okmulgee County shortly after midnight on April 27. Authorities say 54-year-old Davis Williams tried to flee a routine traffic stop after a state trooper quizzed him about a strong chemical smell emanating from the SUV he was in. Trooper Shiloh Hall engaged in a brief foot chase with the unnamed suspect, which ended in a struggle. It was at that point that an active meth lab, known as a one-pot lab, stuffed down the man’s pants burst. The man was examined by emergency personnel and booked into the Okmulgee County jail on drug charges.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
 
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