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 V.21 No.29 | July 19 - 25, 2012 

Odds & Ends

Dateline: Australia

Police officers in the Northern Territory responded to calls of a rowdy party, only to be mistaken for costumed strippers by a group of horny bachelorettes. The officers were called to a disturbance at the Humpty Doo Tavern in rural Darwin. When they arrived, the bar was quiet. Checking in at the nearby Humpty Doo Hotel, the officers found a group of women celebrating a bachelorette party. “The girls were in fine form,” Northern watch commander Louise Jorgenson told ABC News Australia. “They were most excited by the police presence. There were various shouts about how the strippers had arrived.” Jorgenson said her officers “nearly had their shirts torn off, but they managed to escape with their dignity intact.” Wendy Haddon, the bride-to-be, admitted she and her partygoers did get a bit excited when police arrived. “Well, we thought they were going to be strippers, actually,” Haddon said. “But, no, they weren’t. Bugger.” No police action was taken and several of the officers did pose for photographs.

Dateline: Switzerland

Health officials in Zurich were forced to ban the sale of pizza topped with spider, scorpion and snake venom, even though the fast food contained “very little poison.” Chef Ismail Ertekin, who previously introduced a 24-carat gold pizza crust, created the deadly sounding dish for his café Avanti Gastro. “Preservatives in foods are much more damaging than my poison pizza,” said Ertekin, who obtained the tiny amounts of poison from homeopathic remedies. Despite the chef’s assurances, health officials ordered him to take the dish off his menu. “Medicinal products are not food stuffs and are not allowed to be an ingredient in food,” said Environmental Health Officer Ferdinand Uehli. “Therefore we had to ban the pizzas.” Uehli went on to admit that “the pizza in reality contained very little poison.” Still, no poison in your pizza sounds more appetizing than “very little poison.”

Dateline: North Carolina

WCNC-36 reports a 61-year-old man barricaded himself inside a hotel and threatened to shoot police unless he got a pizza and could marry Paris Hilton. On the morning of Saturday, July 7, multiple agencies, including the Regional SWAT Team, were called to a situation at the Hampton Inn in Belmont. According to the Gaston County Sheriff’s Office, Fredrick Denney was holding himself hostage inside a room on the hotel’s second floor. Denney supplied police with two demands: pizza and the right to marry Paris Hilton. Unfortunately, negotiations broke down after several hours—at which point, Denney was pepper sprayed and taken into custody. He was transported to a nearby hospital for a mental evaluation. He stands accused of several crimes, including being “intoxicated and disorderly.” Local authorities say this was not Denney’s first run-in with a SWAT team.

Dateline: Georgia

A Watkinsville man has been charged with terroristic threats and acts after calling 911 and threatening to murder the police department because he couldn’t find his wallet. According to the incident report on July 26, “the caller was irate yelling towards the dispatchers saying he wanted to kill everyone at the Clarke County Police Department because he did not know where his wallet was.” Based on information they gleaned during the phone call, dispatchers informed deputies that the man was calling from a cell phone while walking along U.S. Highway 441 near the Crystal Hills subdivision. Deputies located the man, 30-year-old Bryan Adrian Cole, around 9 a.m. He was still loudly talking into his phone and carrying a box of wine. According to the deputies’ report, Cole was “yelling about his situation with Clarke County in a manner that was hard to comprehend.” Though he denied calling 911, records and recordings show Cole rang up emergency services eight times that morning. Police made Cole pour out his wine box and charged him with terroristic threats and acts, as well as unlawful conduct during a 911 call.

Dateline: Nebraska

The Kearney Hub reports a man was easily caught and charged with terroristic threats and threatening the use of explosives after writing a bomb threat on the back of a job application. According to court records filed in Buffalo County Court earlier this month, Jason Dornhoff, 38, allegedly entered a Kearney restaurant to fill out a job application. After completing the application, Kearney apparently changed his mind and penned a threatening note on the back of the paper, which read: “I have no money, a huge bomb in my truck, and a syringe of bleach that will kill you instantly. If you be quiet and help me, you won’t die.” The employee who took Kearney’s unusual résumé read it and called police. When officers arrived at the restaurant shortly before noon, they located their man sitting at the bar. Police did not find a bomb or a syringe full of bleach in Kearney’s possession, but they did determine he had taken methamphetamines earlier that day. Kearney is scheduled to appear in court on the charges in August.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
 
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