Nov 1 - 7, 2012 
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Odds & Ends

By Devin D. O’Leary

Dateline: Austria

An Austrian court has ordered that a bank robber be given back 63,000 euros ($80,000) that he stole nearly 20 years ago. Bank manager Otto Neuman was convicted of setting up a fake robbery and stealing nearly 180,000 euros ($250,000) in cash, plus a number of gold bars and gold coins, from the Erste Bank branch in Vienna’s Doebling district where he worked. By the time police figured out the plot, Neuman and his accomplices had spent all but 63,000 euros and the gold. The gold eventually went to the insurance company that paid off the bank for its losses. The money, on the other hand, has been sitting at the Austrian Justice Ministry ever since it was recovered. Neuman’s lawyer, Herbert Eichenseder, was contacted by court officials looking to return the loot to his client. Turns out the bank had no claim on the money, since it had been compensated by the insurance company. The insurance company didn’t want the money either, since the gold had increased so much in value between the time it was stolen and the time it was recovered that it covered all the losses paid out to the bank. “I really didn’t believe what the court were telling me, but I checked it, and it was correct,” Eichenseder told Austria’s Heute newspaper. Eichenseder managed to dig up records of the case and contacted his former client, now aged 63. “To say that he was surprised was an understatement, but he provided his bank account details and the money has now been transferred.” Neuman served three and a half years for the robbery.

Dateline: Florida

A man in Port St. Lucie avoided charges of lewd and lascivious behavior by showing a police officer his junk. The incident began on Tuesday, Oct. 16, around 7 p.m. when a woman reported seeing a man masturbating in the parking lot of a Publix grocery store. According to the police report, the woman saw the suspect “in his vehicle with his hand making an up and down motion in the area of his crotch.” She did not, however see his penis. When confronted by officers, the unnamed suspect told them he had a rash on his testicles and “got the urge to scratch.” Naturally, the police asked the suspect if he could show them the rash “to prove he was not doing anything.” The police report goes on to say that the man “presented his testicles to Officer Chamberlin” and that the officer “verified” the man’s rash. The man was released without a citation.

Dateline: Michigan

Pop superstar Justin Bieber is in hot legal water; he’s being sued by a Detroit man who says the teenage singer stole his credit card and used it to buy penis enhancement surgery. According to court papers, the man says Bieber stole his credit card, used it to purchase $426.78 worth of penis enlargement and never paid him back. The documents also say the millionaire pop icon used the unauthorized American Express card to buy an abortion for his longtime girlfriend and to purchase cocaine for pal Sean “P. Diddy” Combs “to use in drug-free school zones.” According to CBS Detroit, the man identifies himself as the father of Bieber’s girlfriend Selena Gomeza claim that is listed as “unsubstantiated.” Celeb-watching web site TMZ notes that, later on in his rambling lawsuit, the plaintiff claims “Usher Raymond came to my house on the Fourth of July 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums.” No word yet on whether Bieber will be dragged into court regarding the lawsuit.

Dateline: New York

The Post-Standard in Syracuse reports 28-year-old Arthur Brundage was arrested and charged with fourth-degree grand larceny after he returned to the bank he had just robbed to complain that the teller had not given him the correct amount of money. At about 9 a.m. on Monday, Oct. 22, Brundage entered the Alliance Bank, walked up to a teller and demanded $20,000 in cash. At first she refused, but Brundage repeated his demand and eventually made off with an undisclosed amount of cash. Apparently, after leaving the bank, Brundage stopped to count his haul. Since the money turned out to be less than $20,000, the robber went back to the bank to get the correct amount from the teller. Unfortunately for Brundage, the bank was locked upbecause it had just been robbed. Police, responding to the bank’s 911 call, found Brundage banging on the front door trying to get back in. He was taken into custody without incident and is being held in Onondaga County Justice Center pending arraignment.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
 
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