Jan 31 - Feb 6, 2013 
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Odds & Ends

By Devin D. O’Leary

Dateline: England

Fire crews in Oxford responded to an emergency call and rescued a drunk mother from her child’s highchair. Seems that 31-year-old Serena Curtis was having a girl’s night with her friend, 27-year-old Jade Dickerson. The pair had apparently polished off two bottles of wine when Curtis decided to sit in her son’s highchair. “We were a bit merry, and I decided to do it for a laugh,” Curtis told The Sun newspaper. Unfortunately the mother-of-three got hopelessly stuck and spent the next hour trying to extricate herself. Eventually the two ladies gave up and called emergency services. Fire fighters arrived shortly and freed Curtis from the undersized chair. “I was so embarrassed,” she told The Sun. “I just had a dressing gown on, but luckily part of the chair was hiding my face.” Friend that she was, Dickerson documented the entire ordeal on her cell phone.

Dateline: Colombia

Authorities in the tiny village of Juan de Acosta say three burglars were forced to abandon their ill-gotten gains when their getaway donkey ratted them out. Police say the criminals stole the donkey, 10-year-old Xavi. About 12 hours later, around 2 a.m., they hit a local convenience store. The thieves attempted to make off with a pile of loot—including rum, oil, tuna and sardines. But their getaway donkey started braying loudly, waking up area residents and tipping off police. The three criminals fled on foot, leaving their booty and their ass behind. Police say Xavi was returned to owner Orlando Olivares unharmed.

Dateline: Florida

A nonprofit organization attempting to promote composting has issued a “Ladies of Manure” calendar for 2013. The 12-month calendar features scantily clad models posing in or around various forms of feces. Lanette Sobel, founder of the Fertile Earth Foundation in South Beach, told the Miami Herald the calendar is aimed at raising awareness of the environmental benefits of composting waste products. “The whole point of this is to make it less disgusting. If this hot chick doesn’t mind smearing fish poop all over her, maybe it’s not that bad.” The filthy calendar is available through the organization’s website for a mere $25.

Dateline: Tennessee

Clarksville Police say a woman called 911 around 11 p.m. on Saturday, Jan. 19, to report a visibly intoxicated man stumbling down the road in front of her home. Officers arrived to find 22-year-old James David Cunningham wandering around the woman’s yard and repeatedly screaming “Zombies!” Cunningham exhibited slurred speech and bloodshot eyes. He admitted to consuming alcohol. According to the Leaf Chronicle, Cunningham was charged with public intoxication. No zombies were located.

Dateline: Ohio

The Morning Journal reports 23-year-old Joel Perez of Lorain was arrested for allegedly attacking his brother and smashing him over the head with an urn full of human ashes. Perez was reportedly irate with his brother. He started breaking items in the family home and threatening to kill his sibling on the night of Jan. 18. Officer Jesse Perkins arrived on the scene around 2 a.m. and witnessed Perez break a large blue urn over the head of another man, knocking him unconscious. The breaking of the urn caused a cloud of ashes to escape. The victim was rushed to the hospital with severe bleeding. Officers were forced to Taser-dart Perez after he refused to be placed in handcuffs. Even after being handcuffed, Perez continued to be unruly and make threats against his brother and other people inside the residence. He was charged with felonious assault, domestic violence and resisting arrest. Police did not release information on the identity of the remains in the urn.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
 
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