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 Nov 14 - 20, 2013 
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Odds & Ends

By Devin D. O’Leary

Dateline: England

The London Fire Brigade is asking the public to use some “common sense” after firefighters rescued a man with his penis stuck in a toaster. The Fire Brigade said it has received some 1,300 emergency calls involving people stuck or trapped in things since 2010. This list includes 1 man with his penis in a toaster, 4 people with their hands stuck in blenders, 9 men with rings stuck on their privates and 79 people unable to free themselves from handcuffs they had donned for sexual purposes. “Some of the incidents our firefighters are called out could be prevented with a little common sense,” Third Officer Dave Brown told The Mirror newspaper. “I don’t know whether it’s the Fifty Shades effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up.”

Dateline: California

Police in central California are working hard to crack the case of a thief who made off with more than 140,000 pounds worth of nuts. The crime occurred on Sunday, Nov. 3, when thieves made off with more than three large containers of walnuts from Gold River Orchard in the small Central Valley town of Escalon. Authorities place the value of the theft at nearly $400,000. “Walnuts are a valuable commodity right now, a little bit in short supply,” Bruce Blodgett of the San Joaquin Farm Bureau Federation told CBS-13 in Sacramento. “When you have that situation, prices are high; it becomes a target.” About 12,000 pounds of walnuts worth $50,000 went missing last month from a trailer parked on Highway 99 north of Sacramento.

Dateline: Florida

A Broward County woman was arrested after allegedly calling 911 several times to report that her neighborhood bar was filled with drunk people. According to Local 10 News, 58-year-old Mary Jaggers was at Artie’s Sportsman Lounge in Hollywood on the evening of Monday, Nov. 4, when she is believed to have placed six calls to emergency services to complain that people were drinking. She reportedly told dispatchers she wanted all the bar patrons arrested. Officers eventually arrived and arrested Jaggers for misuse of the 911 system. During the investigation, Jaggers was found to be in possession of hydrocodone and was charged additionally with drug possession. Speaking at a hearing on Tuesday morning, Broward Circuit Court Judge John Hurley said, “I have a feeling the mixture between Artie’s bar and the hydrocodone probably led to count two, the calling of the 911.” Jaggers told Hurley she only called police because she was worried about the possibility of people drinking and driving. Hurley was obviously unconvinced because he ordered Jaggers to stay away from Artie’s Lounge and not to consume alcohol.

Dateline: Georgia

An amorous, intoxicated couple were busted trying to get it on in the parking lot of a Waffle House. But it was the woman’s attempts to wear a cheeseburger that showed police just how drunk the couple were. Police in Loganville arrested Rachel Gossett and Frank Lucas for public drunkenness and loitering. They avoided an indecency charge because the pickup truck in which they were getting it on was parked behind the restaurant. When they arrived police ordered the Waffle House lovers to put their clothes back on and hand over their licenses. That’s when things got weird. “When the female finally got dressed, she attempted to put a cheeseburger on her foot as if it were a sandal,” the arresting officer wrote in his report. According to the report, Lucas blew a .154 on the breathalyzer and Gossett managed a .216. The two are scheduled to appear in court on Jan. 16.

Dateline: Pennsylvania

Management of the Omni William Penn Hotel in Pittsburgh were shocked to find a homeless man squatting in the $2,500-a-night presidential suite. Investigators say guests at the luxury hotel opened the door to the suite on Tuesday, Nov. 7, and were shocked to discover 48-year-old Jeffrey Watson asleep on the couch. According to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, Watson was arrested and charged with trespass and theft of services. He told police he is from Los Angeles and had been in Pittsburgh for more than a month. It is unclear how Watson got into the presidential suite or how long he had been sleeping there. The arrest report said Watson told officers he sleeps “wherever he can locate somewhere comfortable to rest his head.”

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
 
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