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 V.22 No.51 | December 19 - 25, 2013 

Odds & Ends

Dateline: England

London bookmaking agency Ladbrokes has offered 2,000/1 odds that a zombie apocalypse will happen on Christmas Day this year. To put it in perspective, Prince Harry marrying Miley Cyrus has been given 500/1 odds. In the slightly more realistic category, the odds of London having a white Christmas are just 5/1. “The public are always interested in the odds of a white Christmas, but they should be more concerned by the increasing likelihood of a zombie apocalypse,” alleged zombie expert and Ministry of Zombies founder Sean Page, told the UK’s Metro newspaper. “The most likely time for an outbreak is during the busy festive season as people spend more time in large groups, making it easier for the zombie virus to spread, triggering apocalypse.” Ladbrokes spokesperson Alex Donohue commented on the wager, saying, “We are confident that the odds of a zombie apocalypse at 2,000/1 are correct, and although the public should exert caution over the Christmas period, they should not be unduly concerned about the chances of the undead rising up to attack and eat the living.”

Dateline: Florida

A Lake Worth man was arrested and charged with 142 felonies after police stumbled across a collection of his selfies on Instagram. According to the Miami New Times, a sheriff in Palm Beach County took notice of the Instagram page belonging to 19-year-old Dupree Johnson. The page included numerous photos of Johnson posing with guns, jewelry and electronics. Noting that Johnson’s rap sheet included theft, burglary and felony possession of a firearm, authorities quickly secured a search warrant for Johnson’s home. Inside, deputies discovered a Glock pistol, a stolen Tec-9 9mm pistol and approximately $250,000 worth of stolen jewelry, electronics and other items. Law enforcement officials believe Dupree led a gang of thieves known as the Dinner Time Burglars, a group responsible for between 30 and 40 burglaries of senior communities in and around nearby west Boynton Beach. Johnson faces 142 separate felony counts, including felon in possession of a firearm.

Dateline: Texas

A juvenile court judge in Forth Worth agreed to suspend the sentence of a spoiled rotten 16-year-old who killed four people while driving drunk because he was born too rich. Psychologist G. Dick Miller testified for the defense in the trial of Ethan Couch, saying that Couch suffered from “affluenza,” a condition in which “his family felt that wealth bought privilege and there was no rational link between behavior and consequences.” Judge Jean Boyd obviously agreed there was no link between behavior and consequence, giving Couch just 10 years’ probation at his sentencing hearing. Prosecutors were hoping Couch would spend 20 years in jail for the car crash last June which took the life of four pedestrians, including a youth pastor, and injured nine others. Couch’s blood alcohol level was still three times the legal limit when it was tested several hours after the crash. There was also Valium in his system. Couch admitted to stealing beer from a Burleson Walmart on June 15 of last year and driving the pickup truck that killed youth pastor Brian Jennings, Hollie and Shelby Boyles, and Breanna Mitchell—all of whom were standing outside their broken-down SUV at the time of the accident. Two of Couch’s friends were thrown from his Ford F-350 pickup as well. One of them was in a coma for months and remains paralyzed from the neck down. Couch is expected to spend the next several months at a private, one-on-one therapy facility in California that costs $450,000 a year. Couch’s stinking rich father has agreed to pay the steep price tag.

Dateline: New Jersey

A 62-year-old grandmother has driven more than 5,000 miles in the last few months in order to fight a $56 ticket. Lynda Farley of Edmonton, Ky., was cited by the New Jersey State Police on Sept. 12, 2012, as she drove through Warren County on her way back from Sept. 11 ceremonies in New York City. A trooper wrote Farley up for her 2004 Nissan Quest “Liberty Van,” which is covered top-to-bottom in political signs, bumper stickers and trinkets. Some carry anti-“Obamacare” messages, tout gun rights and call for the repeal of smoking bans. The trooper believed the messages, which cover most of the windows, create blind spots and block the rearview mirror. Since getting that $56 obstructed view ticket, the hardcore libertarian—and self-proclaimed “smoking granny”—has made the 12-hour, 800-mile drive from Edmonton to Warren County “four or five times” in order to fight the ticket. Earlier this month, New Jersey Superior Court Judge Ann Bartlett ruled in Farley’s favor and ordered she be reimbursed for any fines she already paid. Farley admits that her Liberty Van has been ticketed all over the country, including Pennsylvania, West Virginia and Washington DC. According to her attorney, Farley successfully appealed more than $3,000 worth of fines in Pennsylvania. “If I hadn’t won this appeal, I would have appealed it again,” Farley told the Lehigh Valley’s Express-Times.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
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