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 V.23 No.10 | March 6 - 12, 2014 

Odds & Ends

Odds and Ends

Dateline: Norway

A 10-year-old boy who stole his parents’ car and drove it into a ditch failed to get off, even after he supplied a novel excuse—telling witnesses he was a dwarf who forgot his driver’s license. The incident took place in Dokka, a town about 70 miles north of Oslo. Sometime before 6am on Wednesday, Feb. 12, the boy loaded his 18-month-old sister into the car and took off for their grandparents’ house, about 45 miles away in the town of Valdres. The boy made it less than 7 miles before he veered off the road and got stuck in a snowy ditch. A snowplow driver found the car and called police. “The parents woke up and discovered that the children were missing and that someone had taken off with their car,” a spokesperson for the Vest Oppland police district told reporters. “They were pretty upset as you can imagine.” The police spokesperson went on to explain, “The boy told the snowplow driver that he was a dwarf and that he had forgotten his driver’s license at home.” Police did not believe the claim and eventually called the boy’s parents. No one was injured in the incident and the car was undamaged. Police did not file any charges, and the case was closed.

Dateline: Florida

A man who was arrested on charges of cocaine possession allegedly told police it wasn’t his fault—he thought cocaine was perfectly legal. According to WTVJ-6, officers responded to a call of three suspicious people loitering behind the Conch Tour Station in Key West. When police located the subjects standing outside the Pier House Resort, an officer reported seeing 46-year-old Guy Lanchester stand up and walk behind a “sign/flower pot to conceal his actions.” The officer approached Lanchester and saw him fumbling with a small plastic bag containing a white, powdery substance. Lanchester tried to ditch the bag in the flower pot. When it was retrieved and tested, the substance registered positive for cocaine. When he got to jail, Lanchester told police, “I don’t understand. ... I thought cocaine wasn’t illegal in Florida.” It is, and Lanchester was held without bond.

Dateline: Florida

Maria Montenez-Colon, of Punta Gorda, is accused of using 911 as her personal phone sex line. According to WBBH-TV, the 58-year-old called emergency services on the night of Feb. 21, saying she wanted her Corvette back. The officer who responded to the caller’s house said she was very drunk and very much in the mood for love. She allegedly told the officer he was sexy and asked if he was married. “I haven’t been penetrated in years,” she said to the officer. “I am so horny.” The officer tried to steer Montenez-Colon back to the topic of her 911 call and asked what he could do to help her—to which she responded, “You can [expletive] me.” Eventually the woman explained she had signed ownership of a Corvette over to her stepson after her husband died, but changed her mind and wanted it back. Unable to assist the woman with either of her problems, the officer left—but not before issuing a stern warning about the misuse of 911. Obviously the warning didn’t sink in. Less than an hour later, Montenez-Colon called 911 again to complain about the officer. The original officer returned to the scene with another police man in tow. According to the police report, Montenez-Colon told the second officer that the officer who responded to her 911 call was “a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to [expletive] me, he turned me down, so that made me angry.” When the first officer asked the woman if she remembered his warning about the misuse of 911, she allegedly replied, “I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?” Montenez-Colon was arrested for misuse of 911 and booked into the Charlotte County Jail.

Dateline: Florida

According to the Tampa Bay Times, a South Tampa man has been cut off from 911 after calling sheriff’s dispatchers nearly 3,000 times in the last year and a half. On Tuesday, Feb. 25, 43-year-old Keith Lucas was convicted on one count of making “repeated harassing phone calls” to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office. The calls were described as “abusive.” According to courtroom testimony, Lucas used vulgar and belittling language to complain about his mistreatment by deputies in the past. The calls would continue until he hung up or dispatchers disconnected him after determining that no one was in need of police or medical help. Lucas pleaded no contest to the charge and was sentenced to probation. As a condition of his probation, Lucas is not allowed to contact the Sheriff’s Office unless he has a legitimate need for law enforcement or medical services.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
 

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