Alibi V.25 No.17 • April 28-May 4, 2016 

Odds & Ends

Odds and Ends

Dateline: England

Despite the fact that the name garnered an overwhelming number of votes in an online poll, Britain’s science minister says it is unlikely his country’s newest polar research vessel will be christened “Boaty McBoatface.” The Natural Environment Research Council said it was looking for a name that would reflect on the 200 million-pound ($284 million) ship’s mission and celebrate British naval history when it asked for the public’s input. Surprising no one who actually uses the internet, the write-in name “Boaty McBoatface” quickly rose to the top of the online poll, garnering 124,109 votes. That’s three times more than its closest competitor. Earlier this month, however, Science Minister Jo Johnson said “imaginative” suggestions would be reviewed, but insisted the vessel’s ultimate name should capture “the spirit of scientific endeavor.”

Dateline: New Zealand

A small town police station is reviewing procedures after an attempt to destroy some seized marijuana left customers at a nearby store feeling groovy. Radio host Adam Green of New Plymouth-based Radio Taranaki posted a video to Instagram and Facebook, showing a plume of smoke drifting from the Turangi Police Station to the parking lot of a supermarket across the street. “That smoke coming out of the chimney is wafting over, straight into the New World carpark and man does it smell like the old ganja over there,” Green can be heard saying in the video, which was posted on April 14. The local police have apologized for the early 4/20 present to local residents, which came from a recently acquired hoard of illegal marijuana plants being disposed of in the building’s incinerator. “Unfortunately ... given the conditions [and] the wind, I understand the smoke did drift further than anticipated,” Taupo Area Commander Warwick Morehu told stuff.co.nz. “I apologize on my staff’s behalf to the community and we have already taken measures to change our practices and procedures going forward into the future. It is certainly not our intention to cause harm or alarm to our people in Turangi.”

Dateline: France

A naked statue of classical Greek demigod Hercules has now been fitted with a special detachable penis after the famous member went missing one too many times for local officials. The three-meter statue, located in the Parc Mauresque in Arcachon in southwestern France, was erected in 1948. Sculptor Claude Bouscau was forced to shorten Hercules’ unclothed club twice after residents in the town called it “shockingly big.” The statue has gained even more notoriety in recent years with tourists sharing selfies of it on social media. To make matters worse some pranksters have taken to stealing the statue’s stone phallus. “I wouldn’t wish anyone—not even my worst enemies—to go through what has been inflicted on this statue,” town Mayor Yves Foulon told the Sud-Ouest newspaper. Hercules’ new removable member will only be attached during special ceremonies and public events. “Considering Hercules’ fragile manhood, we’ve chosen to give him a removable prosthetic that we can add to the statue before each ceremony,” explained Deputy Mayor Martine Phelippot.

Dateline: Oklahoma

Police in Oklahoma City caught a time-traveling bacon thief after responding to a complaint of robbery by force or fear at a fast food restaurant on April 15. At approximately 10:45am, officers spoke with employees at a Carl’s Jr. who said a man had walked into the establishment and began screaming and demanding food. Employees eventually convinced the man to leave, at which point he walked across the street to Arby’s. The Arby’s manager told police the man leaped up on the counter and demanded food. He then jumped behind the counter and allegedly grabbed the manager. The manager told police the man snatched up a handful of bacon and chicken and walked out of the business. The alleged perpetrator, later identified as 36-year old Dante Rashad Anderson, was spotted by witnesses crossing the street and “eating bacon.” He allegedly kicked and damaged several cars before being found lying on the ground outside a Taco Mayo restaurant by police. “He jumped up like he was Chuck Norris and just kicked the crap out of my car,” businesswoman Patricia Beedle told KOKH. Oklahoma City Police Master Sgt. Gary Knight told the station the suspect, “was possibly under the influence of some sort of narcotic or intoxicant, or suffering from some type of break with reality. He did mention that he is from four years in the future and that is how people get food during that period of time.” Anderson was taken to the Oklahoma County Jail where he faced complaints including robbery by force or fear, assault and battery, and destruction of property.

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.