An angry German man did the most stereotypical German thing he could think of when he attacked another man’s car with a sausage. Police in Neubrandenburg were called out on Saturday, Aug. 13, around 7pm after complaints of “insults and threats” between two men. Turns out an unnamed 49-year-old pedestrian got into an argument with a 47-year-old motorist regarding the “inconsiderate parking maneuver” he performed with his BMW. The 49-year-old then allegedly struck the vehicle with the only weapon he had, a 30-centimeter (nearly 12-inch) long sausage. According to the police report, the hefty wiener was so large it cause a 1-centimeter (just under half an inch) dent in the car’s rear right door. According to Germany’s The Local newspaper, authorities are pursuing charges of verbal abuse against both men. The sausage-tosser will also face a charge of property damage.
Two teenage Pokémon GO players were reportedly traumatized after they apparently stumbled across a couple having sex in a park while dressed as pigs. The incident took place in Insjön, located in central Sweden. The teenage siblings ran home and reported the surprising encounter to their mother. “They wore rubber masks depicting pigs’ heads and they started screaming and waving a green laser,” the mother told local newspaper Dalarnas Tidningar. “Pointing at someone with a green laser can cause injury if it hits the eyes,” officer Daniel Hagthorpe helpfully pointed out to the press. The unusually amorous couple—who were also wearing T-shirts identifying themselves as “King” and “Queen”—were later spotted having a sexual encounter near a village waterwheel. This evidently caused a traffic jam after shocked motorists stopped to witness the masked lovemaking. Despite making the rounds, the couple have yet to be identified or arrested.
An intoxicated woman is accused of using the underwire from her bra to attack officers at the Palm Beach County Jail. Palm Beach Post reports that Julia Epshteyn, of Huntingdon Valley, Pa., was arrested on Sunday, Aug. 14, after allegedly causing a disturbance at a Boca Raton night club. Boca Raton police officers were called by security staff at the Blue Martini Lounge after an “extremely intoxicated” patron caused a disturbance. The 47-year-old Epshteyn was ordered to leave the premises but refused, saying she wanted a lawyer. Officers arrested her and took her to a holding cell at Boca Raton’s booking facility. During a 15-minute observation period, Epshteyn was seen trying to stick something into her left forearm. When an officer intervened, Epshteyn allegedly kicked him in the chest and poked him above the left eye with a metal object—which turned out to be the underwire from her bra. Epshteyn was charged with battery on an officer and trespassing and later released on a $5,000 bond.
According to the Omaha World-Herald, a local father accidentally consumed four pot-laced brownies and then said “mean things” to his pet cat. Police were called to an Omaha home around 9:45pm on Tuesday, Aug. 16., for a possible drug overdose. Paramedics who checked the man found his vital signs to be normal. But they did note in their report that he was crawling around on the floor, randomly using profanities and calling the family cat a “bitch.” The man reportedly told paramedics, “I’m trippin’.” It turned out the man had consumed four brownies he found in the back seat of his car. While police were at the house, the couple’s son arrived and told officers that the brownies belonged to his sister and that he was “pretty sure it was just marijuana in the brownies.” The paramedics helped the man to his bedroom, and he got into bed. No charges were filed. Speaking to the World-Herald after he came down from his bad high, the father—identified only as Mike—said the whole incident was “pretty funny” in retrospect. He also denied hurling verbal abuse at the cat and speculates he was just trying to warn the paramedics that the animal—identified as Kipper—can sometimes be unfriendly.