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 V.25 No.43 | October 27 - November 2, 2016 

Baked Goods

Spooky Legends

MedZen gives our faithful columnist a scare

Rob M.
It got real “Monster Mash” in my apartment last night. I bought a cheap black light at Walmart and started filling my living room with glow-in-the-dark Halloween decorations (some made by yours truly). It's not every day you get to revisit high school in your thirties.

I found the perfect spot on the wall for a giant green moon, slapped it up there with some purple bats for added effect and stood back to admire my work. There's something incredibly relaxing about garish neon colors in an otherwise dark room. Criminy, but I'm a frigging dweeb. Please don't tell anybody.

I sat down and started grinding up a bowl of G13 Haze (THC: 20.14%, CBD: 0.15%—$12/gram) beneath the luminescence. I'd picked it up for review from the Westside Medzen earlier in the day along with a gram of Warlock (THC: 27.26%, CBD: 0.33%—$12/gram) and an extra gram on the side of Ghost Train Haze (which I reviewed back in August at their Central location), just because it's on my short list of favorite sativas, and I couldn't withstand the temptation.

G13 Haze
G13 Haze

G13 Haze is a sativa dominant hybrid that's a cross between Haze and the legendary G13. I say legendary, because it's also the subject of an urban legend (which I'm pretty sure was started by the film, American Beauty) which claims the strain was grown by the US government in their lab at the University of Mississippi, where an unnamed pothead stole a sample and distributed it to the public (let's call him “Johnny AppleWeed”). I haven't personally been able to find any direct mention of this strain before it's described in American Beauty, though. But true believers will tell you that the “proof” behind the legend can be sussed out by unraveling a secret code. See: The “G” stands for “government,” and “M” is the 13th letter of the alphabet. Government Marijuana. Get it? (Don't let them know that by all accounts, the actual cannabis being grown at the University of Mississippi was known to be weak as hell—always under seven percent, and usually on the lower end of that scale.) Most likely, some resourceful entrepreneur decided to cash in on the notoriety, and used the name as a marketing ploy.

At one point, remembering the terrifying scene that had first thrown me into a mild panic attack, I began to laugh so much that I threw up in my mouth a little, which led me to discover just how good Warlock is at settling an upset tummy.

Nevertheless, the strain itself is a powerful indica, and when crossed with the uplifting sativa Haze, the result is an incredibly fuzzy body high tempered by a creative and uplifting euphoria. With the very first hit, I launched right into space, my black-lit surroundings brightly pulsing. An incredible expectorant, G13 Haze had me hacking and gasping for a solid minute. With the second hit, my mouth dried up and my living room turned into a florescent kaleidoscope. It tasted like honeysuckle. I shoved my way through the rest of the bowl and then sat back, enjoying the pleasant sensations running up and down my spine. The moon on the wall burned.

To help set that spooky Halloween mood I was going for, I popped in the scariest film I know of: Leprechaun In the Hood, starring the great Warwick Davis and Ice-T. (“A friend with weed is a friend, indeed.”) Everything was going great. The movie was terrible, the atmosphere was perfect, but I'd begun to jump at shadows, realizing too late that a sativa-stimulated imagination might be a terrible thing in a scary setting. But I held on tight, dear reader. The film was coming to a close. I could see the awful plotline coming to a head. If I just held on a bit longer, I'd be safe and sound in the credit reel.

Then: Without warning, the story cranks up to a high-octane, screaming pitch of anxiety as the monster—a 3'6” leprechaun, complete with green top hat and buckled shoes—hops onto the stage of a strip club that he's been living in to strut his magical ass while forcing out the worst rap song in history.

I come from the land of the Irish spring/ Dublin's the place where I learned my thing/ From the Emerald Isles to your place in the hood/ I'm the man of green/ Come to do no good.

Absolute blind terror overtook me. I curled into a corner of the couch and sobbed for 20 minutes.

Warlock
Warlock

Fortunately, I remembered the Warlock I'd picked up earlier. I managed to crawl to my tray and break up a bowl with my shaking hands. Bred by Magus Genetics, this indica-dominant hybrid that has one of the highest testing THC levels I've had the pleasure of coming across. The high roared in strong and quick, oddly seeming to affect my mind more than my body. Leafly recommends this strain for those suffering from attention issues, which to me sounded like an odd characteristic of a supposed indica strain, but experience gives some validity to the claim. I had no problem keeping my thoughts in order, and although I became giggly and maybe even child-like, I can't say I was too spacey or numbed out. At one point, remembering the terrifying scene that had first thrown me into a mild panic attack, I began to laugh so much that I threw up in my mouth a little, which led me to discover just how good Warlock is at settling an upset tummy.

It was at this point that I realized I was still standing in what looked like a junior high haunted gym. I killed the black light and sat down in what had reverted to a normal, boring apartment. I unwrapped a tootsie roll. Not a bad night.

Been thinking about getting your medical card and don't know where to start? Come check out the Duke City Medical Cannabis Expo this weekend, running from Friday, Oct. 28, through Sunday, Oct. 30, at the MCM Elegante Hotel (2020 Menaul NE). Doctors will be onsite to help you get your prescription quick and easy. Tickets are $20 per day.

MedZen Westside
10660 Unser NW Suite H
(505) 891-1881
Hours: Mon-Fri 10am-5:30pm, Sat 11am-4pm
First-time Freebies: Yes

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