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 V.25 No.45 | November 10 - 16, 2016 

Baked Goods

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Meds

Healthy Education Society under scrutiny

Rob M.
I didn't want to give the Healthy Education Society a bad review. Really. It has that mom-and-pop feel that I always love—unpretentious, worn-in, with notes of utilitarianism—and probably the nicest and most straight-forward budtender I've met. “I only take CBDs,” she told me from behind hazy, weathered glass when I asked her how the Casey Jones was. (Though, come to think of it, I don't really understand why someone would man the cash register without knowing anything about the product.)

The menu was handwritten on a dry-erase board. Bagged flower samples were taped to the glass. When I'd first come in, I'd sensed a person to my left (presumably some kind of security guard, asking for my papers) and jumped when it turned out to be a mannequin wearing a t-shirt. Studying the samples, I could still feel it behind me, studying me without the aid of eyes. “That thing scared the shit out of me,” I told her. “People like to take pictures with it,” she said.

Casey Jones
Casey Jones

I ordered a gram of Casey Jones (THC: 22%—$10/gram) (because Ninja Turtles) along with some grams of Hemlock (THC: 17.87%—$10/gram) and Sunset Sherbert (THC: 21%—$10/gram). As a first-time gift, I received a mixed strain joint that was loosely rolled into a cigarette. Not a cigarette paper. A cigarette. With a filter. (To remove all that awful non-carcinogenic cannabis smoke, I guess?)

At the time it seemed quaint and endearing, but there comes a time in every reviewer's career when they have to make a tough decision. They have to look past their own superficial tastes and become a judge. The cannabis gods can be jealous and petty, and it's best to be honest for their sake.

And honestly, most of the medicine was terrible.

Joint?
Joint?

I'd unceremoniously dumped the contents of the joint onto a tray. There was no way in hell I was going to run my medicine through a filter. The product was dry and obviously not being kept airtight, as evidenced by the almost immediate drowsiness that overcame me after I smoked it (from a pipe). This is a surefire way to know that the THCA had turned into CBNA, which occurs through exposure to air. A really bad sign.

There comes a time in every reviewer's career when they have to make a tough decision. They have to look past their own superficial tastes and become a judge. The cannabis gods can be jealous and petty, and it's best to be honest for their sake.

The buds didn't fare much better. I first tried the Casey Jones, a hybrid of Orient Express and East Coast Sour Diesel I've read about a few times, which is known for its potent sativa effects. Many patients report intense experiences of heightened euphoria and giddiness, and there are even warnings against approaching the strain for new users. Which is why I was interested in trying it. To be frank, I’ve yet to find a sativa that’s been sativa enough.

Unfortunately, this sample of the strain seemed to do hardly anything. Even with a 22% THC on the label, I found it hard to believe it could even be in the teens. I smoked two large bowls before giving up with seemingly no effects. It tasted odd, too—mossy and sour, with a grossly sticky sweet note that I'd never experienced before. It was not pleasant.

Hemlock
Hemlock

I threw my hands in the air and moved on to the next one, Hemlock. This hybrid is known for its relaxing effects, particularly in treating PTSD and migraines. Opening the bottle, my nostrils were immediately assaulted by the thick and ropey perfume of syrupy death. Jesus Christ on a paddleboat, I thought. Dare I cross into these choppy and dark waters?

I paused before loading the bowl and paused again before lighting it. I counted to three and struck the flint. Sure enough, the room filled with the smell of a grassy, boiling fart. My eyes teared up and my nose wrinkled. It was so disgusting that I nearly dumped the rest. (Calm down. You know I would never do that. I smoked the whole gram like a goddamn soldier, sneering and cussing the whole way.) Again, there was little to no effect to report.

But thankfully, the cannabis gods took pity on your poor, humble reviewer. Sunset Sherbert was beautiful in appearance, scent and taste. It managed to hold its head above the flotsam of its peers, and for that, I must applaud.

Sunset Sherbert
Sunset Sherbert

Bright and citrusy, this indica-heavy hybrid was body-melting. It eased me like a feather onto my couch, Old Sailor, where I laid back and let my irritation at the Healthy Education Society roll off. I guess it was worth the money to find out that not all cannabis is created equal.

It would've been way cheaper if someone had just told me, though. So this is me telling you.

Healthy Education Society
5401 Lomas NE Suite A
(505) 312-7664
Hours: Mon, Tue, Thur, Fri 10:30am-5:30pm
Wed 10am-3pm
Sat 10am-2pm
First-time Freebies: Yes

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Kids race a 1k while adults participate in a 5k or run in an 8k. The run benefits non-profit Global Health Partnerships, an organization that provides medical care and humanitarian aid to the poor in rural Kenya with local community support.

Discover Your Essence: An Introduction to The Academy of European Arts and Culture at The Source

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