Alibi V.26 No.16 • April 20-26, 2017 

Baked Goods

Desert Garden

The ups and downs of Sacred Garden

Baked Goods
Rob M.

Every time I hear “Green Jeans,” I laugh. I really have no idea why. This was my first trip to the shopping center, and I wasn't really prepared for the crowd of midday pleasure-seekers that clogged the walkways and staircases. The sights and sounds and smells can be overwhelming, and I meandered a bit before I spotted Sacred Garden's logo through the window of the food court.

I still had to snake my way there, passing through a few doors before I finally found the sign-in desk. (It's upstairs, on the east side.) The waiting room was a picnic table on a patio. I stretched under the sun and watched the traffic slink by until a door opened and my name was called from inside a cool, shady showroom.

It was so relaxing in there that I made the poor budtender—Steven, with a “v”—go through the rigmarole of showing me every strain while I soaked up those chill vibes. In the end, I chose two pre-rolls—a Viper City OG and an Apple Mango Diesel—and a gram of Jabberwocky (because I love the name).

When I got to the car, I double-checked on something. Yep. Sure enough, the bottles were completely lacking in lab results (although the bud had a THC percent listed). If you're a regular visitor to my corner of the Alibi, then you're probably sick to death of hearing me rage about the few dispensaries that don't list the lab results on the packaging, so I won't bleat about it this time. But seriously, Sacred Garden, a few extra printed lines on the label will do wonders for your patients.

But I didn't let it get to me. It really was a beautiful day.

I drove home and unloaded my purchases on the counter. I have to take pictures of the medicine for the website before I can break into it, and this time I was met with a slight disappointment. Both pre-roll tubes dumped out an excessive amount of loose bud along with their joints, and the joints themselves were loose and falling apart. I usually break my joints down for conservation, anyway, but they would have been unsmokable as they were.

The bud inside of them was disappointing, too. Dry and ground almost to a powder, neither joint had any odor. I really had enjoyed my visit, so I was having some trouble accepting the ugliness before me. I went ahead and loaded a bowl of Viper City OG (THC: ?, CBD: ?—$10.50/1.2 gram pre-roll) and started puffing.

This hybrid smelled like nothing and tasted like nothing. At first I was pretty bummed, to say the least, but the effects soon began to kick in. A powerful body high washed over me, and I began to experience serious dizziness. I plopped on the couch and sat still for some ungodly amount of time, just breathing and watching birds cruise by the patio. Waves of prickly warmth ran up and down my limbs in time to my breathing. I often experience back pain and was shocked to realize that it seemed to have completely subsided.

A bit later, I tried the other pre-roll, the Apple Mango Diesel (THC: ?, CBD: ?—$10.50/1.2 gram pre-roll). As with the first one, it was dry and odorless, but it had maintained some of its citrusy flavor. It was a sativa-dominant flower, and with one hit, I was turned into a light-headed giggle machine—definitely a strain for those suffering from depression.

The efficacy of these old, dry joints (as opposed to most dry medicine, which will only put you to sleep) really made me pause and wonder how potent these effects would have been while fresh. To find out, I cracked into the bud of Jabberwocky (THC: 23.4%, CBD: ?—$13/gram). The price point on the flower was a bit high, but I definitely got my money's worth. The indica-dominant bud is a cross of Lucky Charms and Bio-Diesel, and smelled wonderful—like a sour pickle, floating in fruit punch. It tasted peppery and green—like chiles dancing on a fresh-cut lawn. And at the outset, it climbed up my spine and settled on the tippy-top of my head, the weight making my neck wobble. I started saying spacey things, like, “This stuff smells like sour pickles floating in fruit punch.” I went from relaxed and happy (if silly) to drooling on the couch within an hour—basically, the perfect cannabis experience for my needs.

Considering the powerful effects of the strain named after the monster from Through the Looking Glass, I have to wonder if the shoddy joints were hand-me-downs from the location's parent dispensary in Santa Fe. It would be a terrible disservice to the great staff here for the company to be supplying them with leftover, sub-par product just because they've only been around for a little while. If they want to see this location succeed (and it will), their pre-rolls and peripherals need to be as on-point as the monstrously good buds.


3600 Cutler NE Suite 12
(505) 348-5599
Hours: Sun-Thu noon-9pm, Fri-Sat noon-10pm
First-Time Freebies: Yes.