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News/Opinion
 Aug 31 - Sep 6, 2017 
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Odds & Ends

By Devin D. O’Leary
Odds and Ends

Dateline: England

Police in Essex are looking for a couple who destroyed an 800-year-old coffin by placing their child inside for a photo. The sandstone relic was on display at the Prittlewell Priory Museum in Southend-on-Sea. The Southend Echo reports the coffin was knocked off its stand on Aug. 4 when someone lifted a child over the Plexiglass barrier surrounding it. The incident was captured on the museum’s security cameras. The family was recorded leaving the museum immediately after the incident. The stone sarcophagus was found on the priory grounds in 1921. Inside was a skeleton believed to be a senior monk. The priory itself was founded in the 13th century. Once it is repaired, the coffin will be entirely encased to keep tourists out. “You can put all the risk assessments in place, but you really don’t expect people to try to get into the artifacts,” conservator Claire Reed told The Guardian.

Dateline: England

A teenager in England figured out he could be charged 99 pence (about $1.25) for ordering absolutely nothing at McDonald’s using one of the fast food chain’s new automated kiosks. A Twitter user named Ari—who describes himself as a “scene kid” and “pretentious thinkpiece writer”—shared photos of his order and the resulting receipt. “I just spent 99p for nothing at McDonald’s,” Ari wrote. Originally the teen planned to order a cheeseburger without pickles, but soon realized the ordering station gave him the option of eliminating every ingredient. So, Ari ordered a cheeseburger with no pickles, no onions, no ketchup, no mustard, no cheese, no bun and no beef patty. Ari ended up with a 99p charge and an empty bag. “This tweet actually cost me money to make, I’m gonna be pissed off if it doesn’t blow up,” he wrote in his tweet. Ari’s tweet has received more than 150,000 likes and 70,000 retweets.

Dateline: England

A group of firefighters who rescued 18 baby pigs from a burning barn celebrated by eating them. Back in February, members of the Pewsey Fire Station saved the 18 pigs—as well as two sows—at a farm in Milton Lilbourne. Farm manager Rachel Rivers promised she’d soon send along a thank you gift. Six months later, she delivered a collection of sausages made from the meat of the pigs the firefighters had saved. The grateful public servants held a barbecue. Naturally vegetarian and animal rights activists were upset by the ironic turn of events. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals Director of International Programs Mimi Bekhechi told the BBC that the group would be sending packages of “Linda McCartney vegan sausage” to the firemen. Rivers, who saw plenty of online backlash for the gift, said the owners of the free-range farm were surprised by the reaction. “This is just what we do—we are not an animal sanctuary.”

Dateline: New Zealand

Authorities in rural New Zealand are baffled after an entire freestanding bathroom was stolen from a campsite at the Te Moana Gorge. The $5,000 toilet unit went missing between Aug. 10 and Aug 14, leaving only a concrete pad and the underground waste chamber beneath it. Initially, authorities believed the toilet might have been blown away by a storm, but a closer inspection revealed that the bolts holding the small outhouse building down had been removed. “It’s a baffling theft considering how distinctively marked the toilet is and that it was surrounded by a chain fence and bollards,” Timaru District Council group manager Tina Rogers told reporters. “We’re stumped as to why someone would go to the not inconsiderable effort to steal the toilet. ... It isn’t even a self-contained unit that could be easily put to another use.” According to New Zealand’s Newshub.com, “Police are investigating, but still have nothing to go on.”

Dateline: Florida

Police in Kissimmee say the suspect in an auto theft was easily nabbed by officers when he stopped to take in the recent solar eclipse. According to the Orange County Sheriff’s Office, 22-year-old Jocsan Feliciano Rosado was spotted by OSCO’s Auto Theft Unit when he parked a recently stolen vehicle at a Harbor Freight store on Osceola Parkway. Rosado went inside the hardware store, purchased a welding mask to “safely view the solar eclipse” and returned to the parking lot. According to a post on the Sheriff’s Office Facebook page, “As Rosado was standing in the parking lot next to the stolen car, with the welding helmet on and looking up at the eclipse, deputies swooped in and made an arrest.” Rosado was charged with third-degree grand theft. “He never saw it coming,” the department wrote. “That only happens every 99 years.”

Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary. Email your weird news to devin@alibi.com.
 
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